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• Dark4893
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• in the darkness where no light shines through...is someone searching for me?
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• 2006-02-07
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• smiling like everything is right when everything is wrong
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Thursday, September 28, 2006
why does it hurt so much?
why havent i given up like im suppose to? are those thoughts true or just lies? is everything just a lie? is it? if it is, please stop all these lies, they are killing me inside. i start to think that i have found the solution to please everyone well at least him, but then i end up falling again and its painful. when i fall, there is no one to catch me. but thats good. i dont want to hurt another person and end up regreting it later. i should block those feelings, lock them up, back off, turn around and pretend nothing happen...become nothing again. i want to tell him something but i cant and he probably wont care either way. so it shouldnt matter. only 160 days left with him... how long can i last before breaking down in front of him? will i ever be okay again? will i ever be happy again like the times i was with him, when he wouldnt let me go... but i might be hurting him this instance. i wonder should i just smile and walk away like nothing ever happen... it doesnt matter, i would still hurt inside. i still cry. i really am pathetic and stupid. i even laugh at myself... |
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