myOtaku.com: Dark4893

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1993-04-08
Gender
• Female
Location
• in the darkness where no light shines through...is someone searching for me?
Member Since
• 2006-02-07

myOtaku.com: Dark4893

Saturday, October 14, 2006

am i a puppet now?

to theotakufan: u asked me some questions. so i'm gonna answer them:
~my favorite movie: i don't really have one, sorrie
~my favorite color: grey and green
~do i watch naruto: kinda, i don't watch it alot, but i do like it...weird, huh?
~my grades: ...F's! no i'm kidding, A's. yes i'm a geek/nerd. lol

i realized that my way of letting my feelings out is by crying at night. because my voice is just so small and i won't speak up to let others know how i feel, so i cry. then when mornings come, i smile a lot. that way i won't be sad during the day where people see me, and i won't make the people around me sad. when it's nighttime, i cry, and nobody would notice. but crying makes me happier. but like i said, i have accepted the past and that it is over. there are so many barriers around me, enclosing me. then sometimes i feel that i can't have an emotion. because if i'm sad, someone else gets sad. if i'm happy when i'm not, i'm lying to myself just to please someone. i can't be happy if i did something good, because i might make someone feel bad. then if i act cold, people think i'm mean. if i'm quiet, someone thinks something is wrong. so i can really be me and have my own emotion. then i feel useless when i can't help others. how can i possibly help others if i can't even help myself. suddenly evryone starts expecting things from me. i have to get my priorities straight. i know i have to help him still, but it's getting to a point where i can't handle it no more. it hurts but i can't show that either. i think i'm at my breaking point again. but then i can't show it, not to him.

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