Monday, May 16, 2005

   hazy crazy dayz

SoOo i really dont remember the day very well its all a haze haha! and no im not on anything so yeah i dont know... i've just been in a w.e mood to day.... happy though cause everything is as it should be right now i guess... lol

yeah well i was thinkin today that alotda people say they will never smoke or do drugs or drink or all over just say i will never do this or that. then a few days...months... years... they ar doin that... never is such a lie! i've said i would never do things in my life that i have already! whoa! i swear your pron to do it ifn you say your not ... i donno that qas really random.... i just love to see people including me who brake their promises every day they made to them selves.... ok well thats all i gotsa so so here's a song by trust company called stronger awesome song....

Can you save me
Will you fail me now
It's almost over cause you've faded out, again
Will you break me
When you're holding me down
I will escape you and I'll

I'll push you closer to the ground
Cause you're the one that's going down

And I am, stronger now
Since you crawled away
You're so far away
And I am, stronger now
Since you crawled away, since you crawled away

Never gonna save me
You just shut me out
And now it's over cause I'm stepping out, again
Never gonna break me
Just try and hold me down
I will escape you and I'll

I'll push you closer to the ground
Cause you're the one that's going down

And I am, stronger now
Since you crawled away
You're so far away
And I am, stronger now
Since you crawled away, since you crawled away

You want to tear me down
You want to hold me down
You can't control me now
You cannot take me out
You cannot save me now
Because I'm stronger now

And I am, stronger now
Since you crawled away
You're so far away
And I am, stronger now
Since you crawled away, since you crawled away [repeat]

You want to tear me down
You want to hold me down
You can't control me now
You cannot take me out
You cannot save me now
Because I'm stronger now

yup! well peace
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Sunday, May 15, 2005

   Whoa... ok so not interesting but mesa think so...

Ok so i've had a very interesting weekend.... me and my best friend Jen are friends again yayness we spent the weekend together just hangin out listning to music it was fun... then i asked this guy Benn Pet. to the banquet (the guy from febuary, no i dont "like" him again)..but anywhoo i dont want to go stag so i ask he didnt sound enthused so i releived him of making excuses and called myself stupid.. i kinda regret asking him... but w.e... i broke up wit gavin.. yeah i thought it would have been harder than it was cause i kinda still like him... but yeah... i felt like i had to though i mean since the beginning there was trouble... we say we will still be friends and i hope at the least that will work out.. but who knows couples always say that and never are....but who knows.. umm well thats the most of my weekend... i got to go .... bye
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Thursday, May 12, 2005

   Requperating

ok so mother gave me another day off to get my HW done and reswt up my whole body it aching now...ahh i hate this part lol now i have to unpack and get my room set up mother said we wont have to move for another 2 years! yay! lol well then yeah we got officially done moving at 12:10 or something like that then i took a shower and went to bed (which was just my materess lol) but all in all im hally im in and not in the aprtemnt anymore.. thanx everyone for whishing me a good move it was! yay! well then peace out! i shall try to go to everyones site today sorry if i miss you!...peace out
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Wednesday, May 11, 2005

   Moving isn't work anymore....it's a routine

Ok so very long day i found out yesterday that we are moving today! so well i got to go pack and help ship out haha! wow i relly dont wanna do this...well short post i dont htink i'll be able to come to you guyses sites tday sorry...peace out
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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

   Sooner or Later you gonna Hate IT
ok so i have had a friggin lecture from my mom as soon as i get up and as soon as i get home i frickin hate her! and they are about stupid stuff...today i weas like screw it and walked out they door in the middle of her sentice... i don't want to hear her shit anymore... she pisses me off so bad... and today i had an ok idea for the banquet!.. i was like i will go alone or bring elijah my friend thats not from school to the banquet.... mother was asking about that today i said maybe elijah she went threw the fuckin roof...shes like he 17 and i dont trust him and you in the car together! i was like that the hell! gah! shes taking everyone away from me.... and what the hell does age have to do with it! she should trust me to say no if he tried something for christ sake! but NoOoO im gonna go out and get impregnated! yeah go figure! so now zachs mom is like i dont trust you guys together.. cant see him out sidea school...gavin my moms like i dont trust you guys together so i cant see him and NOW elijah!!! shes going way to friggin far with this!!! i mean by the frickin time shes done i'll be all alone! i her you so god dam bad! ....ok well i got to go heres another poem i wrote... i dont like it once again but yeah..

Your Words

Full of hate
and built up anger
why did you do this to me?
betrayal is the game we play
how does it feel to be on the receving end?
when you hurt i smile inside
if you cry i laugh
why should i care about you??
you say i disrespect you
but how can i should you respect!
you dicate my life!
and expect me to love and care
well i dont anymore
your words mean nothing to me
why not run away from all i had?
you would have tookin it away sooner or later..
dont try and talk
you wont get threw..
i've cut the conunication line..
just remember this is the game you choose
you'll never win
full of hate
and built up anger
your words never ment anything to me...

ok so yeah bad poem but anywhoo... ima go.. bye
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Monday, May 9, 2005

   Ok so this is a really crappy poem i just made...take it however you want...
you say you know me
but how can that be?
when all i am is confussion
lost in my mind
stuck in the maze
so many dead ends
where will it stop?
i cry for help and run for shelter
if you knew me then why dont you help?
just another fake smile
thats all you ask
you dont care you never did..
"it will get better"
telling pointless lies to myself
the end draws near
yet another dead end
torn away from all i loved
you dont understand and dont try now..
nothing will ever be like it was back when
we laughed and smiled with no pretend
why wont those memorise die
i wish they would
they keep haunting me...
remembering hurts so i just look foward...
to another dead end...
im sick of al your lies
dont say you know me or understand
i asked for help once before
you were to busy to listen
but though all this
you still sware you can read me like a book...
but how can that be?
how can that be?
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Sunday, May 8, 2005

   Wishful Thinking
SoOo I got back yesterday to find that the computer was down and had been down for 24 hours... we just now got it back.it was horrible.

i got back from the trip the first thing i said whn i got home was dont go threw my things and dont ask about the trip til tomorrow... so tomorrow came and mother asked how was the trip... well i hated the trip it was horrible...i wasnt with sarah the chaparon let me go with other groups but i went with Zach's group for the day just to be ignored by everyone!like noone talked to me so i thought everyone was mad at me for something i did or something... so the next day rolled around... im still thinking that everyones mad and im angry so i got with the girls for the day and dont talk to me best friends i hated that day because i was still mad and they thought i was mad at them so at the end of the day i said forget it and went up and asked what their problem was... it was all a misunderstanding they werent mad at me...and one the 3rd day well yea *sighs* it got alittle better i guess... then i got home and the first thing mother said to me if you better end whatever you have with you and gavin or i will end it for you...and said if i dont i wil never see him again... so.. sadly and weirly trying to ask him if he will wait for me...wait until im 16 and my mom will allow him and i... this is hard... i dont want to loose another person..but then again... i think Jenny had a good idea...being alone and all... it would be alot easier... sooo much easier than dealing wit it all.... i miss her though ....i miss her sooooo much...

i cried pritty mucha ll day today... i tried to stop but i couldnt... my eyes still burn from it..but i dont care anymore... everything i had is either leaving or being ripped away...

i got to go ...peace out
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Monday, May 2, 2005

   my day so far!

Ok so I'm in school right now waiting for the stupid beel to ring and I'll be free and i can go aout and do whatever i want ...well then the school trip is this thursday thru saterday and i won't be able to post til late saterday night or sometime on suday morning? I will miis you guys! lol well then yeah it will be fun...i hope my mom called the school cause i heard that im stuck wit sarah...I hate that! OMG if i am im gonna either sleep in the bathroom tub somewhere she would never ever go... haha! hygene joke on her part! or so close to the door that if they try anything i can get any fast! lol well then the bell rang yay! Eric just came ofr his hoodie waaa it was comfy! i was so clod today he gave it to me to wear LOL i got so much shyt(haha shyt! inside joke) on it everyone was like OOOO whered ya get that now eh? i was like Eric they thought i was dating him now! and asked how i broke up with gavin lol i was like ok so i didnt brake up wit him they were like oh so your a 2 timer now? i was like umm no.. and set them straight lol well then im kinda cold now...Hey look theres zach he has a flece and i am cold! lol *thnks to self* hahah! well then im going to go so i might post later i might not peace out! Forgotten thoughts of yesterday through my eyes I see the past Well I don't know why I Believe in the truth, from inside go away from me... leave me alone ignorance spreads lies how much will money bye Well I'll take my time as I drift and die Unwanted live my life a shame Who's to blame for my mistakes

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Sunday, May 1, 2005

   Why Hullo Hullo!

Ok so yesterday sucked... but today was fine so far i've been in an all around good mood today and i can't fugure out why... i mean i should be pissed cause i can't see gavin for at least a week or so... but i am happy not because of that but just i donno lol i've been in a "i can't stop laughing" mood its really weird! hahaha! well then how has you peoples day been so far? peace out!

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Saturday, April 30, 2005

   -_-
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok im sorry... i have nothing more to say im ticked... bye
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