Friday, December 9, 2005

   stupid computers hate me lol..
Hey everyone sorry i havent been on in 4ever but ive been really really busy... with what? lol cheerleading, HW, School, friends. heh yea theres not much really to say as of right now. I'm in school.. and it wont lemme go to you guyses sites.. it wont lemme at home either.. like... hmm everythime i go to someones site it loads but when it says it's finished loading theres no words or anything just the bg you know what i mean? i wont even lemme go to my own site. sooo yea

Have any of you ever heard of the Juliana theory?.. really kool band. i have to go now.. soo i'll catch y'all lata!

love til then!

~dislexic girl *wink*
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Friday, December 2, 2005

Life's lil cycle....
SO yea... you start out as a baby not knowing whats going on aorund you relying completley on your parents or adults of some type.... you start to get older and you get a little freedom you learn that there are things that you can get away with and things you cant... you learn how to lie to parents... how to get away with being out all night or later than your supposed to be.. or whining to get your way.... then you start getting shit you dont need mentality.... then you up and run away you go out and do whatever you damn well please because.. well you live on your own now right..... NO NOT RIGHT.... you're hiding from everything 24/7 put up with bullshit drama going to school... everything just piles up Sooo fast and you find urself GaSpInG for air.... what to do what to do.... i just want my daddy heh yea..... something goes wrong you dont know how to fix or who the hell else would know how to fix it.. one area in your life falters.... they all do... one little thing finds its way to spider throughout your entire life... until you feel like uyour in the middle of a crowded room screaming and NOBODY hears you...... how do you ask somebody for help when all they are gunna tell you is "Oh I told you so."???? what do you do when you're so scared to tell somebody how you feel that you just bottle it all up..... when a friend who has mager relationship issues starts dictationg to you all of the problems in your realtionships..... I guess it just comes to a point where you say "I give up"....or the point where you learn that... well.. basically life sux and then you die and there aint a damn thing you can do about it


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Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Demon Hunter- Tide began to rise
I don't belong here
I never saw this on the path I walk
The blood-stained walls, the lines of chalk on the floor
It's getting so hard
I never saw the backlash when the tide began to rise
I can't remember
The way it was when everything felt right
My mouth held shut and my eyes sealed tight with control

So I remember on the inside

I found a dark, infernal place I don't want to face anymore
Somehow, I won't stop feeding the pain
My heart's just the same as before

So now I'm stuck here
Between the guilty and the insincere
The words I spoke have left me here all alone
I should have known this
I never saw the backlash when the tide began to rise
I wish it all gone
I could've burned it when I had the choice
And now I'd die to kill the noise in my head

So I remember on the inside

If this is all the love my spirit can give
Just take it back tonight
There is not a reason more to live



Extremely good song that kinda fits how i feel as of right now.. i wont be comein home tonight and thak god i got a ride home tomorrow.. the less time i spend in houghton the better! GAH!.. ok well then.. today.. i donno im a lil.. uhhh unsure? heh yea.. well then i have to go

How are you all doin?

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Monday, November 28, 2005

yea... hmm
..yea so i guess i can't really complain about my vacation nothing bad happed.. nothing good heppend though. just trying to come down from the vacation high and getting ready for tomorrows bullshit. i hate it. i wish i was different.. sometimes i think id be easier to become one of them.. but... its no use at all. they'd know. i cant be perfect all the freakin time.

not just about school though. i dont think mother got the job i was soo hopeing for. good thing for her.. now she can stay here and point out all my flaws and yell some more. last night after jen left she commented on my attitude... some the the convo.. the bits i remember..

mom- freakin is a bad word!its JUST as bad as the REAL thing! i was soo shocked when i heard you say that!!! AND another thing! whats all this "i will do it later" and "i hate HW evil school" thing? huh? answer me! i pay good goddamn money to put you in this school! the least you can do is shut up and deal with it! i dont care what you do! how you vent! you WILL come home and do your hw with a forced smile! and as far as the frekin goes! i do not want that to come outta your mouth again!

me(after listening to all this*tuneing out some of it*)- OMG! i supposed to be perfect huh? im not FREAKIN! god here! ok? i can't ALWAYS be your angel!

*both pause*

me- screw it.. i dont need this....

mom-* stern stare and sigh*

me- you know your a crappy mother when one of your kids comits suicide 2 others are alcoholics by age 15 and one is sooo screwed up on every drug imaginable PLUS the youngest (me) on her way to sefl destruction

god.... i wish she would die... honestly... it would gimme a good reason not to be in the shit hole of a place....


*sighs* sorry everyone..
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Friday, November 25, 2005

Hey.
i watched you walk away
watch me waste away
lost and alone
i've seen all i want to see
why wont you look at me one last time?
say i love you
im here to listen..
i did something wrong...
now watch me waste away...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.. i donno where to start... where to finish. i'm finishing up here then im gone. but ill be here awhile longer.. i might not even be leaveing but who knows.. so far ive got a few people mad at me... i need to work on some other people then im free to go with on regrets.

How are you all doin? how was thanksgiving? mine was aight.. i had to play bored games with the family EWEWEW but other than that it was ok.

OuT
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Sunday, November 20, 2005

Yea.... Life..
This weekend has been.. amusingly interesting.. i dont think i go as far as to say.. fun but yeah

the banquet was friday... i think getting ready was better then the actual thing. my so called real friends didn't wanna sit with me.. soo i had to sit with sarah and the lil stupid 7th and 8th grade... sarah was sitting with me... wonderful huh? i got into a verbal fight with her.. eric said i looked like i was gonna rip her head off.... the play was pathetic.. not that i could do a better job but they actors looked like they were reading and they were sooo stiff... i got a billion pics tooken of my and eric though... yea.. w.e

I donno still in that "leave me alone i dont need you" type of modd and i can't shake it... but i guess its a good thing with the school i go to.. being friends with those people would be turning into a mindless robot... so i guess im alone until i graduate... the thing is.. i really dont know how much longer i can handle this...

::sighs:: mom finds out weather or not she gets the job tomorrow.. if she does she will be home about 4 or 5 times outta a month.. i for one am happy about this.. i can't deal with her... she makes everything soo much worse... wiht her everything is my fault... the size 11 foot prints on the kitchen floor.. yea i get yelled at for that to.. and they arent mine!!!!

oh welll.. ok im done.. i have to go...

how are you all?
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Thursday, November 17, 2005

   Food and cheerleading.... what a combo..
Soooo Hey everyone yet again im in study hall bored as ever but oh well...

i jsut got back from lunch.. nauseating lunch i hate sandwhich day.. not that i really eat that much anway.... soooooo yea.. i took Luke's advice and sat by people i usely never do today... omg... i donno i moved before we had announcements the people just looked at me like i was the stupidest person on earth. sooo w.e just goes to show i dont fit in as well with people as i might have thought i dont care.

Anyway... soo ive been thinking.. and i came to the concluesion that i really really do not like cheerelading at all.. i dont fit in with them... i mean listen
Cheerleasers:
Like to smile
Like making others happy by cheering
Are popular in some way
Are good at yelling and pretending the crappy day was the greatest

Me:
I hate smiling...especially when im told to.. i usually just smile sarcasticly like a fuck you i dont wanna smile type of thing
I dont like yelling unless its for a reason... yelling at my brother is one such occasion..
Making people happy is one of my down points most of the time.. im not good at it what so ever...
I am however good at pretending everything is fine. but i dont think i canl ast much longer in this place...
Why i stay:
I'm obligated to..
They all hate me.. but they need me
Without me they would have 4 and then there would be no squad
they dont Hate me more like dislike... and i really dont need nemore enimeys as of right now...

SOOO yea .... i wish i could change schools it would make it easier to stop everything.. i mean the mediocre life i have with people and the god forsaken cheerleading!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

::blood certiling scream:: WHY WON'T THIS STOP!?!?

ok sorry bout that....
Today was chaple i loath chaple its stupid and useless... we stand and sing and all the only person that sang was Hannah and shes justa suck up so w.e i was happy...

Ok well im done babling.. and procrastinating putting pomes up im trying to single out a few i like..

SoOo how are you guys?? How you doin? hehe... PM me if you ever wanna talk er nething ^_^
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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

SONG
PANIC! AT THE DISCO LYRICS

London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines

Stop stalling, make a name for yourself.
Boy you better put that pen to paper and charm your way out.
If you talk you better walk you better back your shit up
With more than good hooks while you're all under the gun

Start talking "a sensationalist"
Oh he's slightly clever to just a certain extent
If you talk you better walk you better keep your mouth shut
With more than good hooks while you're all under the gun

(Panic!: meet the press)
It's time for us to take a chance
It's time for us to take a chance

(Panic!: meet the press)
It's time for us to take a chance
It's time for us...

Well we're just a wet dream for the webzines,
Make us it, make us hip, make us scene
Or shrug us off your shoulders
Don't approve a single word that we wrote

Well we're just a wet dream for the webzines,
Make us it, make us hip, make us scene
Or shrug us off your shoulders
Don't approve a single word that we wrote

I'm burning and I'm blacking my lungs
Boy you know it feels good with fire back on your tongue
If you talk you better walk you better back your shit up
With more than good hooks while you're all under the gun

Start talking "a sensationalist"
Oh he's slightly clever to just a certain extent
Well keep quiet let us sing like the doves
Then decide if it's done with purpose or lack thereof.

Just for the record,
The weather today is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of:
A. Indifference or
B. Disinterest in what the critics say

It's time for us to take a chance
It's time for us...

Well we're just a wet dream for the webzines,
Make us it, make us hip, make us scene
Or shrug us off your shoulders
Don't approve a single word that we wrote

Well we're just a wet dream for the webzines,
Make us it, make us hip, make us scene
Or shrug us off your shoulders
Don't approve a single word that we wrote

Just for the record,
The weather today is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of:
A. Indifference or
B. Disinterest in what the critics say

Well we're just a wet dream for the webzines,
Make us it, make us hip, make us scene
Or shrug us off your shoulders
Don't approve a single word that we wrote

Well we're just a wet dream for the webzines,
Make us it, make us hip, make us scene
Or shrug us off your shoulders
Don't approve a single word that we wrote

Just for the record,
The weather today is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of:
A. Indifference or
B. Disinterest in what the critics say


kk well i dont have much to say nothing much has changed
how are you guys all?

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Sunday, November 13, 2005

   da da da dum!

Hey everyone... sorry im always on and off with this site.. soo yea.. how are you guys?

i went to jens house last night and met her friend levi.. he seems kool... it was really fun.. prolly the most fun ive had in a while and we just walked to a store and watched a movie sad huh?

oh well.. i donno why im down today... i just am.. i woke up and.. i donnno... jsut knowing everythings going to be sooo fake and stuff tomorrow.. like always but w.e i should get used to it...
am i just bored? i want something new.... this is all so old.. i can tell you the exact convo's i will have tomorrow and who i will talk to and prolly at what time and mood people are in... they are robots...

ok well ive said my share... adios
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Wednesday, November 9, 2005

HI HO SILVER AWAY!
HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIIIIII

I have absolutely NOTHING to say!!! WHOOPA!

H-U-S-T-L-E!!! HUSTLE FOR A VICTORY!!!

OOOK sorry for all you anti cheerleader people! whoopa!!!

SOOOO how are you all? this post can be about you!^_^.. how are you? hows life treating you? anything exviting happening in your life?

are you content with where you are?
Is anyone really truely content?

PM me if you wanna! ^_^
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