Tuesday, October 18, 2005

What I really ment to say.. Is im sorry for the way i am
::sighs:: hey everyone.. sorry i havent been updating everyday.. schools getten harder heh... but yea i will try to get to y'alls site tonight but sorry if i miss you.. i still have a load of hw to do... gah!... schools getting to be its normal low again.. as always things are going downhil... everyone in houghton is getting old... im tired of them all... all their smiles fake laughs and how they care... i wish no one cared for me... it wold make it so much easier to... fall of the face of the earth... i donno what up with me now a dayz... i feel so... hostile? i see people in the hall.. people i dont even know.. and i hate them i start to plot their demise and everything... maybe its because they look so happy... i donno... oh well.. i lied to some of my best friends so today for a "good" reason but i feel bad now.. im conpomlating telling eric what really happend with the "muffin" heh.. but i donno... i dont want him to get even.. madder at me.. well i think hes mad... i donno he dont act like it sometimes but other times he looks like he could kill me... i feel horrible... ::sighs:: life is just huge cycle you have a good streak then all of a suden you are sinking again and cant get out until something good happens again then the visious cycle starts over again.. untill you die... i just wish the death part would come sooner....

i hope you all are fairing better than i..
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Monday, October 17, 2005

blah blah
ello... how is everyone? i havent updated in awhile.. i guess i can only blame it on pure lazyness.. i really donthave anything to say.. im alive thats all..

how are you guys?
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Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Some yesterday
Hum.. today was a good day. My bestest friend came to my school to visit and i spent after school with her insted of being alone. I was happy twas like the odd ol' dayz ^_^.. but then again it made me kinda sad to.. just thinking about it ya know? i wish i could rewind time and start from the beginning again omitting the bad... heh nothing but a mear dream... tomorrow i have a half day of nothing but testing... WHOOPA my day is soo exciting!! heh.. aight well i have nothing more to really say.. soooo whats up y'all? what happinin in your life?

you smile brings back so many memorys
id like to forget
and relive at the same time
your laugh brings me so much joy and pain
id like to replay and omitt...
if we could turn back time
and be happy for but a minute
would you find you happy with me?
our laughs and cries and inbetween
all burned in your treasure chest
pull them out and dust them off
would you find i made your smile?
or would you see more sorrow?
the pain i caused....
the friendship dead...
can we throw those memories away?
and leave the smiles and laughs we shared?
treasued some yesterday..
can i be your smile?
might i be your happy to?
and bring back the lively glow in your face
as i did back when
treasured some yesterday....
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Sunday, October 9, 2005

   Hey everyone
Hey everyone yea i havent had alot to talk about the past.. couple days so yea uhm.. i am going to a youth group with jen i guess it might be fun.. i mean it me and jenny we are both easly amused so yea shall go pritty well i hope... other than that.. i have monday off thank god!!! YAY! i redid my site so yea hope you all like it!...

how are you all? fairing well and still alive i hope ^_^
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Friday, October 7, 2005

To Whom It May Concern
to whom it may concern
im writing to you from the gave
to tell you im sorry
im sorry i couldnt pretend for you
im sorry i couldnt stay the same
i let you down once again.
i messed up big this time didnt i?
please dont cry
please dont miss me
i was never worth your time
all i could give you was my love..
and that wasnt good enough
i wanted to let you know
i will say i love you everday
i wanted to let you know
my love for you will never stray..
but you will never hear it
you will never know
my words are buried with me
so to whom it may concern
please just forget...


really crappy poem.. yeah anyway not to much to say so yea.. uhm i y.. sooo
how are you all?
ttyl


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Thursday, October 6, 2005

   Someday..
telling people how you feel
is the hardest thing you'll have to do...
knowing your being cut off from everyone
is the toughest thing you'll go through...
bottled up know one knows
just smile and everything is fine..
go on with your daily routine
slowly dying inside
one tendent at a time
is cut off from breathing..
yet you go on
traviling the same rode over and over again...
leaving blood stains on the ground
its almost like hanzel and gretel..
dont cry
dont whimpper
thats a sign of emotion
they only get in the way
let people think you are fine
smile everyday and noone will ask..
someday they'll find you face down
and blame themsleves
for the little hint you didn't mean to drop....

uhm getting ready to go to the hospital and all... fun fun! i haet doctors.. even though mine really nice and all.. i still despise him.. i still dont wanna go to school.. thought are going through my head at this moment that shouldn't... man.. i was in so much pain last night and i donno why.. it wasnt my back just shooting pains everywhere to the point it brought tears to my eyes.. it kept me up all night i donno im fine now and i was fine yesrday i donno where they came from nor why they came.. but i hope they dont come back....

i have to go... how are you all?

P.S- Jen if you read this no the poems not about you and no i wasn't mad yeserday just... i donno... i was listening but it didnt really affect me and thats why i seemed aggitated.. i wasnt mad at you.. only myself... lylas allways and forever... you should know that....
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Wednesday, October 5, 2005

   And it's always raining in my head....Forget everything I could have said...
Hey everyone.. how are you all?....

I'm fairing well i guess.. i have to go get x-rays and stuff on my back cause of stupid P.E one er two weeks ago i caught a ball and bent backwards and my back cracked like 20 times in the same place and it still hurts so my mother called the doc and he got me in tomorrow... fast aint it? usually i have to wait a month...

other than than school is school.. the HW is pileing up fast.. last night was insane i weighed my backpack and it weighed 25 pound exacticly.. that might be part of my back problems... OH GREAT!! im 15 and i have back problems! wonderful aint it!?!? oh well.. i guess i have to just deal with the fact the i will have older peoples problems well before my time >.<....

eh.. heres a quiz i guess it decribes me a lil

You are sad because of your fear


Why are you sad? [amazing pictures] For darker people
brought to you by Quizilla

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Thursday, September 29, 2005

   ello my day.. (might post a poem later on)
Hello everyone.. im in the second part of study hall at the moment.. being as bored as ever... today is looking better than the last i found out some kool things today that i am soo happy about! these two korean girls might be staying at my house for thanksgiving vacation and i was worried that they were christian and would want to go to church or listen to christian music and stuff... but guess what!?!??! i was sitting with them in lunch today and i asked some questions like do you like anime? they dont really watch it but im planning on introduceing it to them and i asked what kinda music they like and they said rockish music mostly anything i was like YAY! then i asked if all they listen to was christan music and they were like to tell the truth we are not christan.. i was over joyed!!!!! YYYAYYAY!!!! lol i was like to you believe theres something out there? it was soo funni Naho's like "uhm myself?" lol i love that line!... ok other than that i walked to the bus stop in the pouring rain being whipped back and forth by the wind by the time i got to the bus stop i was SOAKED!! lol its 12:27 and my skirt is still a lil wet! heh but oh well ... today's the easy day... english(love) geo (EASYEST test i think i will ever have) lol chaple.. AHHH stupid but hey.. no work and 2.. yes freakin 2!!! study hall back to back so after this one is another one.. BLAH but erics in that one so it might be a lil interesting i suppose.. then math just a test which means no HW!! YAY! heh tomorrow i have a spanish test that i think i will pass with a good grade.. happy happy!... ok anyway.. uhm thats about all i have to say ive been reambling on enough and prolly boreing you all to death .. if you are still reading this. lol are you still reading this? if you are lol put in your post "yes im still reading" er something like that lol... uhmm... so yea im not loooking foward to the ride home casue of yesterday zachs going to do the SAME thing i can feel it cause hell be like did you listen to the guy speak today? and all... gah! but but but sence eric has practice im going to wear his pants cause i dont wanna wear my skirt home lol.. his pants are SOOO comfy!!! hahaha ok well im going to go for like the 3rd time lol...

OOO wait!

How are you all? lol yes i do care about your day and how you are fairing thats why i ask ^_^

aight! ADIOS!

~SpOrK~ ::smiles:: FRED!!! LOL
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Wednesday, September 28, 2005

   Trying to save me
You reach out your hand
I dont take it...
Why should I?
You will leave me sooner or later
Your words bler all together
And from there turn to a breathless whisper
Hide behind your precsious book
Look at the world as an untainted paradise
Hoping to find what you see in the world...
The passion the love the faith
tear filled eyes i can't grasp your faith
where do you see the morality?
I've seen the dark bring light to its knees
The faithful buckle, lost in now in deceit.
Colored by the darkness the world casts thier way
Why do I not see?
Am I the only one?

hum yea well so this was actually not a random poem... ive been talking to a "friend" on the bus ta day and yes dare i say we talked bout religion... so after telling him i dont want to talk anymore he persists on shoving his faith down my throat... along with a girl i used to hang with last year.. a fellow cheerleading so i have like 2 er 3 people telling my if i dont believe in "god" i will go to hell where i will be alone and blah blah blah... its get old you know?... going to the schoool i go to i hear this everyday of my life!!! im so immune to it i should just accept it...its just the one thing i think i can decide people tell me what to do there to there.. i give up.. i now feel like... the wind just push me where you want and them drop me.... its not like you werent going to anyway....

ok im done sorry... just had a bad day...
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Tuesday, September 27, 2005

   Ello....
yes you know me....
im the one who blends in with the crowd
not socialy inept but not popular either...
im the one burdened with a tired smile...
forced to do what i should
and hateing every minute
caring for each and everyone of you...
closing my eyes so shut out the pain...
but did you know these are my flaws?
did you know they are my weakneses?
hiding who i truly am to make you happy...
careing for you helps me forget what i should be figureing out...
closing my eyes to block out your memory
is this who i should be?
is this who i am?
defineing me by my flaws...
let me hide in the crowd jsut dont notice me....


ok just bored not much happend today either.. ahh the life i lead at houghton is astonishing aint it?.... uhm well how is everyone today??

~SpOrK~
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