Saturday, February 14, 2004

(sigh) .....misunderstood.........

ok, now I'm getting a couple of fools misconstruing my meaning..... in the previous post. It's not that I'm unhappy about being alone..... or that I need someone in my life......... I know deep down that I'm a solitary person, and that I could live the rest of my life alone, that's one trait I inherited from my mother.... we're both the kind of people who never feel lonely..... i need my solitude. But one thing I'm afraid of is that it's not really enough... I've realized that although my mom and I rarely spend time together (although we lived in the same house).... over the past year that I'd moved out, she missed me........ even the most aloof of people require companionship...... once they've experienced it....... that made me think...... maybe I do need that.... (god, now I'm starting off on a whole new tangent.......). I've lost my train of thought......... Another problem I face is that I have a very idealistic view of love...... I would just never find a guy who could fulfill all my expectations........ Yet another problem is that the attitude a daughter has toward her father usually determines the type of man she loves..... it doesn't help that my father is a gay (I'm not prejudiced, I'm very open minded to homosexuality, it's just that in this context, it's bad), a druggie, a free-loader, the type to abandon.... and take advantage of someone....... I can't believe I'm revealing so much about myself.... I'm sorry i never told you this stuff Lighty/zedstef.... I just never knew how..... I think I've revealed a little too much about myself...... this post will be deleted straight after zedstef's read it.... she needs to know some of this........ anyway, now that I've revealed a sufficient amount of information to make me feel uncomfortable, please try and understand what I meant....... I hate it when people don't understand........

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