Friday, November 3, 2006

I feel like I want to type, but I don’t know what to say. I’m too emotionally drained to put it into words well. I just want to belong, to feel like I’m worth something in my daily life. I want to feel like I contribute, at least a little bit, to the happiness of the people around me. I’m not even asking for my own happiness right now, just as long as I can feel worth something. A friendly smile, or simple answer to my comments. Instead of a stare like I’m the biggest asshole in the world for saying anything at all.

We all need to be needed, right. And it’s a dreary thing indeed to feel not needed. And that’s how my past couple of days have been, dreary experiences. I don’t understand what it is about me, that people tend to come to the conclusion that I’m a waist of space. Who knows, maybe I am and I should just learn to accept it. Or maybe I just need to work a lot harder to show them I can do something to be proud of once in a while. I’m so tired of being useless. And I’m so tired of being cold.

It’s true what they say, no one can change your life for you, you have to do it for yourself. But what if you don’t have the means to do it? Gods, how I wish I did though.

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Wednesday, November 1, 2006

I’m excited; so many good games came out yesterday! Final Fantasy XII and Neverwinter Nights II to name two of them. Those are the two I wanted the most, but I figure I can only focus on one at a time, so no need to buy both right away. So I went with Neverwinter nights. Those of you, who know me well, know that I was a huge fan of the first one. Heh, and my copy should be coming by UPS today, and I’m off tomorrow, score. I can’t wait.

So how was everyone’s Halloween? If you dressed up, what did you dress up as? Got any pictures? Ante it up people.

Hmm, not much of a post today, but I can't think of much else to say. o_O

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Tuesday, October 31, 2006

There should be a law against getting up at 4am for anything. Blah. I’ve never been a morning person, and especially not this much of a morning. o_O You know what else is annoying? People who sign my guestbook telling me that if I need help with my site, they’d be glad to help, and as far as I know, they don’t even know how to make the custom layouts. Heh, skipping right over the modesty part here, does it look like I need help? Did they even pay attention before they clicked the guestbook link?

Anyway, after the early morning complaining, the only real reason I wanted to post was to say Happy Halloween!! This is my favorite holiday. Heh, too bad I’m working. But I do hope everyone else enjoys it! Have fun trick-or-treating, and stay safe… or what ever else you find to do on this night.

Much love to everyone on this most awesomest of holidays! And Happy Halloween again!

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Saturday, October 28, 2006

Well, as some of you know, I am not leaving the otaku after all. You can thank my kitten for that. Her and Vicky, I suppose. It was your comment on Shadow’s post, Vicky, in case you are wondering. Shadow and I had a talk. Ah well, after being made to feel like family, I’d feel bad about leaving. That, and apparently I’d be like dragging other people off with me.

So, to try and rekindle my interest with the O, we have a new theme! That, and it’s sort of a celebration for 16,000 hits. Thanks everyone! I am aware that my posts are a little off alignment wise with the rest of the page, but I’m too tired right now to fool around with it. I’ll fix it later. It was a busy, crappy day at work. Blah. So the theme tweaking can wait. Legs... tired.

I stole Mimmi’s clock, ladies and gentleman. Cause I didn’t want to be the only one who didn’t have one. [/peer pressure]

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Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Hang on people's, I'm working on it.

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Friday, October 13, 2006

Updates

October 13, 2006

I know most of you are confused about my last post, and I’m sorry about that. And this post may be just as confounding as the last, but just let me type. I need to.

I still won’t tell you, except that my best friend may be going to prison for a very long time. The question I have asked myself is what can a person, what can I, forgive a friend for. Now granted, this friend is more family than some of my real family. I am the godmother of his child. I’ve always had a pretty strong sense of justice, when I was younger I wanted to be a lawyer, heh, no groans please. And as many of you know, I’m pretty quick to jump to someone’s defense when they are being treated unfairly. It’s something that’s always been a part of me.

But I am also a big advocate of loyalty. And not for no reason. Loyalty to friends and family is most important to me. So in a situation like this, those two halves are battling each other vigorously.

But after a few days, I think I have come to an understanding with myself. No matter what he’s done, he is my friend, and I won’t abandon him to his fate alone. I don’t know when I’ll get the nerve to visit him, I think it’ll wreak havoc on my emotional state, but I will try. I know he’s become severely depressed since going to jail. And I don’t blame him. Although I can’t keep the nagging thought out of my head that it is indeed his fault he’s in there. I just hope I don’t end up saying that to him. Because I’m sure he’s pointed that out to himself over and over again.

The thing that gets me the most is, I know this guy. I know him. I know him well and have spent a lot of time talking to him. And, not to be too blunt, but I’m a good judge of a person’s character. I read people well. And he’s such a gentle soul. He really, really is. There’s just no way he’d be the kind of person to do such things. So I look for other excuses. Did something push him off the edge mentally? But then they are just that aren’t they? Excuses. Although it has nothing to do with me, I feel like he betrayed my trust somehow. And so I ask myself once again, although I won’t abandon him, can I forgive?

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Sunday, October 8, 2006

Updates

October 08, 2006

Urgh, it’s 4am and I just got up to get ready for work, how criminal is that? Boo, I want to go back to bed. Oh well, I wasn’t sleeping very well anyway. And why is that? For a couple of reasons, one, I’m so not used to trying to go to bed and getting up this early. And two, right after I went to bed, the hubby comes in with disturbing news.

It’s about one of our close friends. And I really can’t talk about it, although I want to, but not yet. Just cause I think I’m still shocked it’s happening. And I don’t believe it; it’s just not possible. He just, he would never. I lived with this boy on campus for years, and I’m just rather speechless, and disturbed. I know this makes no sense to read, what so ever. And I’m sorry, I’m just shocked, disturbed, and a bit in denial. And well, I guess instead of babbling about something I haven’t told you about, I’ll just end the post here.

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Thursday, October 5, 2006

Updates

October 05, 2006

Another pointless post, for me at least. I know, I know, I’ve been promising a longer update for ages. Well anyway, yes people, go see Flyboys!! I am surprised that only one of you who commented has ever played Crimson Skies. Oh you guys are missing out! But darkeangel, who has played it, you are now infinitely more awesome in my book!

What did I really want to say? Oh yes! I have a couple of days off in a row, huzzah, so I plan on getting some work done on white-satin. So hopefully, for those of you who donated graphics, I’ll PM you over the next day or so to let you know I’ve finally saved them from their urls.

Want to donate?

And don’t forget, for everyone else, you are more than welcome to submit graphics to me. There’s always the chance I may not use them, but what could it hurt, eh? Just keep in mind that icons have to be 100x100 and banners can be any size you wish, just so long as they have white-satin some where on them. I am sorry, but as for the whole layouts, I’ll only accept them from those I’ve already asked. All you have to do to donate, is send me a PM with urls to your work, and I’ll eventually save them to my own server, heh.

Eragon movie

And post reason number 2. The Eragon trailer is finally out!! Holy hell! I’ve been waiting two years for this movie to be released. And it’s finally close to time! If you’ve read the books, then you more than know what I’m talking about. But either way, I must share.

Watch the Eragon Trailer

Watch it poppets! For those of you on dial-up, there is a smaller version of the trailer inside the site. But if you have a faster connection, the trailer on that page is worth it. The books are a trilogy set, and they are going to make them all into movies. And come on, who doesn’t love John Malkovich, Jeremy Irons, and Djimon Hounsou?

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Monday, October 2, 2006

Updates

October 02, 2006

Just a quick update from me. I’m sorry for not getting around to visit anyone’s sites in like, forever. Heh, and with my lack of updates on my own page, I’m surprised any of you still come here. I just can’t seem to get myself back into the habit of posting and visiting regularly. Yeah, I suck. So if you’ve removed me from your lists, I forgive you. =P

But never fear, I just reached my three-year anniversary, so I’m not going anywhere any time soon. That’s right myO, you’ll have to kick me off here, muah ah ah! Ahem. Speaking of which, I haven’t forgotten my anniversary post either.

Flyboys

Anyway, what I wanted to actually say was, I saw Flyboys yesterday and it rocked my socks!! It was very good, and very intense, one of those nail biter movies. So I’d definitely recommend it to anyone. Heh, it did make me want to come home and play Crimson Skies though. And man, if you’ve never played that game, you are definitely missing out!

Air pirates rule! Go Nathan Zachary!



^^Click the pirate banner to find out more about Crimson Skies^^

Oh, and Milky-chan, I have a proposition for you, whenever I get the chance to note you.

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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Updates – 3 Years!

September 27, 2006

Heh, what do ya know, today’s my freakin 3 year myO anniversary! I always seem to miss my myO anniversaries. Well not this year, go me! I’m finally on for one! But alas, I have to go to work soon, so I don’t have time to type anything neat out for it. Oh well, I’m off tomorrow, so I’ll just have to type it out for next time. ^_^ So for some of you, expect to see your names in the next post.

And thank you to those who came to give me belated birthday wishes, I still appreciate it! Thank you!

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