myOtaku.com: Dark Phoenix

Wow!! Thanks everyone! You guys are awesome!!

Now for a little humor. In salute to The Two Towers extended version coming out and the Return of the King soon to come, I’m going for a little LotR’s humor. These excerpts are from the Ask The Witch-King of Agmar online journal. This guy is great!

Ask The Witch-King TTT edition:

Dear Witch-King of Angmar

I think I'm rather upset. I was waxing my eyebrows in Lothlorien when that bitch Galadriel hauled me off by the ear and ordered me to go help a bunch of smelly humans fight against even smellier orcs. While I was rather happy for a chance to wear my armor (it brings out the color of my eyes) I was a bit upset when she sent my troops and I off with barely enough Pantene to make the trip. Things have taken a turn for the worse with my unexpected death, and the last thing I saw was the Man Who Would Be Grubby, who sweated on me in a most abominable fashion. There's just something wrong with this picture, I know it - as I sneer down at the living from high above now, I can't help but feel that this wasn't supposed to happen...

Excuse Me, But I'm Supposed To Live

Dear EMBISTL -
Dead on, sport. I suggest you find the screenwriters and kill them posthaste. Revenge ought to make an eternity without haircare products seem a bit more bearable.

Best of Luck
The Witch-King of Angmar

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dear Witch-King of Angmar

Well, I thought I was in trouble, having lost all but two of my admirers, but I managed to pick up several more, one of which is a King. A bit old and moldy for me, and definitely not as big of a king as I'll be some day, but not too bad. Sadly enough, now that I've finally gotten rid of that bossy elf maid, I've got an equally annoying wench sniffing around at me. We all got plastered after the battle was done, and I spent a fun evening of being hit on and having my stubble worshipped by a rather cute Rohrrim until she showed up and tried to ruin it all. What is a graceful and suitably kingly way to tell her to bugger off and stop bothering me every time I even look at her cousin?

Still Not King, But Some Day...

Dear SNKBSD -
Remember, you just can't argue with tradition. Repeat after me: Off with her head.

Best of Luck
The Witch-King of Angmar

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dear Witch-King of Angmar

We only wants to do what is bestes for us. We listens to analyst. We tries, precious, we tries. But now bad man stands in way of therapies. Bad Smeagol not let Gollum wring little neckses like taughts to in anger management classes. Disgusting Smeagol likes hobbitses! Nasty pervy Smeagol.

Bad Smeagol Not Let Have Fun

Dear BSNLHF
Just kill the bad Smeagol. Throwing him off a cliff would be ideal.

You have got to be kidding me
The Witch-King of Angmar

*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dear Witch-King of Angmar

I'm feeling a little confused. I've been hiking through the mountains with my gardner, just the two of us (well, three if you count Gollum, but I certainly don't). It's been rough going for the most part, but he's been keeping a good eye on me, bless him. Well, yesterday we found a rather steep hill, so he got out the rope so we could tie ourselves together for more security. He got pretty fancy with my knots, though, and I don't think it was entirely necessary for my hands to be tied behind my back - if nothing else, it made balancing a bit hard. I've enclosed a picture to better exemplify. (That was the other thing - he took pictures!) He keeps urging me to put on the ring for him too, just once, watching me all the time. Any idea what's going on?

Hobbit Confused About Many Things

Dear HCAMT -

You know, put this stuff on the internet and you'll make some good money. But really, he's just looking out for you. Why don't you put that ring on for him, just once, as a reward for him being such a good friend. Trust good ol' Uncle Witch-King of Angmar...

Best of Luck
The Witch-King of Angmar