Anyway, I am still here, as you can see. I had intended to take a much longer break, but something has happened tonight I didn't plan on, blast it all. And I needed to vent. I know those who don’t already know what happened will find it jumbled, but oh well.
I think I’ve just done one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. It was the right thing to do, I know it, and I’ve put a lot of thought into it. I’m a spontaneous person, but I don’t act on impulse when it comes to dealing with others. But pushing someone you really care for away is heart breaking no matter how justified the reason. I just lost a best friend. But I know it was right, I can’t ride that emotional roller coaster any more. I don’t have the will the to take it anymore. Still, it hasn’t all been bad in the past. What made it worse tonight, was that we connected on that level we used to. Even if it was just for a short while, it was there. And it reminded me why I’d put so much effort into it to begin with. And it made it far worse to push that person away. Whoever said the ends justify the means, may have been correct, but they never said how painful the means could be.
I’ve ripped my heart out tonight. I never thought I could do it in the first place. I cried for like two hours afterwards. I haven’t cried like that for a while, and I couldn’t stop. CME, Sephy, and SomeGuy, you guys are lifesavers. Thank you so very much for talking me through my emotional break down. It wasn't pretty, I know. I don’t know what I would have done without your support.
Well, I think I used a weeks worth of energy tonight and now I feel like crap. I apologize for the whole jumble. So I’ll catch everyone later.
That's right... we went there.
