Updates
October 13, 2006
I know most of you are confused about my last post, and I’m sorry about that. And this post may be just as confounding as the last, but just let me type. I need to.I still won’t tell you, except that my best friend may be going to prison for a very long time. The question I have asked myself is what can a person, what can I, forgive a friend for. Now granted, this friend is more family than some of my real family. I am the godmother of his child. I’ve always had a pretty strong sense of justice, when I was younger I wanted to be a lawyer, heh, no groans please. And as many of you know, I’m pretty quick to jump to someone’s defense when they are being treated unfairly. It’s something that’s always been a part of me.
But I am also a big advocate of loyalty. And not for no reason. Loyalty to friends and family is most important to me. So in a situation like this, those two halves are battling each other vigorously.
But after a few days, I think I have come to an understanding with myself. No matter what he’s done, he is my friend, and I won’t abandon him to his fate alone. I don’t know when I’ll get the nerve to visit him, I think it’ll wreak havoc on my emotional state, but I will try. I know he’s become severely depressed since going to jail. And I don’t blame him. Although I can’t keep the nagging thought out of my head that it is indeed his fault he’s in there. I just hope I don’t end up saying that to him. Because I’m sure he’s pointed that out to himself over and over again.
The thing that gets me the most is, I know this guy. I know him. I know him well and have spent a lot of time talking to him. And, not to be too blunt, but I’m a good judge of a person’s character. I read people well. And he’s such a gentle soul. He really, really is. There’s just no way he’d be the kind of person to do such things. So I look for other excuses. Did something push him off the edge mentally? But then they are just that aren’t they? Excuses. Although it has nothing to do with me, I feel like he betrayed my trust somehow. And so I ask myself once again, although I won’t abandon him, can I forgive?
