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myOtaku.com: dark sephiroth
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Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
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Monday, September 13, 2004
I live in eternal pain and suffering
 *Sigh* i feel so fucking depressed at the moment. Why you ask? Well i feel depressed and like shit. Ok i wrote this on a forum and it kinda sums up why im feeling bad:
Love is a pain. Im sorry harsh statement, but i have just finished my hourly session of crying over my shitty love life and how fucked up it really is. 1st guy i ever loved, i could walk on water when he was near, i was seriously in love with this guy. Well he took advantage of this, even though we were friends, he used me for something (i aint sayin what, but it werent sex) and then the morning after, he said it was 'only abit of fun' god i almost died at them words, i thought he liked me liked me, but nope he was being a dick >.< and then to make it worse a week after that incident i watched as he flirted and snogged some chick WHO HE KNEW FOR ABOUT 3 HOURS. I mean gezz my heart was torn out and thrown in the gutter. And even worse still, he kept pretending to forget this chicks name, and kept asking me if i remembered her name. Oh course i remembered her name, her name plauges me till this day RACHEL RACHEL RACHEL. My friend later told me she overheard this guy (the one i loved) say that he was doin it cos he knew how much it hurt me. God that was...i cant even put words to the pain i felt.
A few years later (this one being recent) i meet someone, yeah it was over the interent, but yeah whatever. This guy made me feel in heaven, we talked for hours, and i was so open with this guy telling him things i swore neva to tell anyone. I blew off friends and family just to talk to this guy, i really liked him. And we talked about meetin up and all this stuff, and i really thought he liked me back. But then i found out, that he had been sleeping with some chicks all cos he was depressed. I mean how does fucking someone cure depression. I had actually wrote this guys name in blood, MY blood may i add, from MY arm. And argh, when my friend told me what he done, or was still doin it tore me.
And this is why my love life sucks, and now i feel alone, completely alone, even thought i know i have friends and famile there i still feel alone. And damn it, it hurts as hell. Ok thats my rant over with, im sorry to bug ye all with this, needed it off my chest -.-''
Sorry for any typo's i wrote that after i stopped crying in my bed for an hour. I cant even sleep at the moment, man i feel like shit-.-' I feel so...alone...and well lets just say the knife is looking mighty relieving at the moment. Anyway as you can most likely tell i dont feel up to much so ill leave it there.
Ok well i cant b fucked to say much, lets just say i would bed both of em given the chance heh (yes im a big fat stinking perv who needs a life and ur point?)
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Sunday, September 12, 2004
Another Fanfiction
Well its 5:30am here, and im tired so why am i still up? I had to wait for Tori to get in, cos i didnt know if she had keys or not -.-' man my back is killing me. Well since i havent been up long nothing really to say, if anything happens later ill edit or something lol. Anyway heres another fanfic by yours truely ^^
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Dreamer
He's mouth engulfed mine and I could smell him, taste him, feel him. Damn if this wasn't heaven I don't know what was. He's hands are pulling me further into his embrace and I can feel my cheeks burn crimson. Pulling away he plants kisses all down my neck, making me moan and murmur his name loudly. I lose my hands in his auburn coloured hair, and it feels like silk wrapped around my fingers. God and his hands are tracing little circles at the back of my neck. You haven't felt pleasure till you felt like I do right now. I want more.
And then, I woke up. My heart is racing and I can feel my cheeks are burning red now. What in the world was that dream about? This is the fifth one this week. Sitting up and clasping hands over my head i started to rock myself back and forth, hoping some logical thought would come to mind. Why do i keep dreaming about Wolfwood? This wasn't right, not at all. Get a grip Vash i started chanting to myself over and over. But how could i get a grip, while I keep dreaming of kissing my best friend. Well in one dream Wolfwood was doing more then kissing me, but that was beside the point. Running my hands through dirty blonde hair, which was now completely messed up, with strands of hair tickling his nose. Looking over to the bed only a few metres away, with the very man i keep dreaming about. Sighing deeply, i want answers to these questions, but the only one i really ever talk to about my personal life was the one in question. Lying back down, i just simply waited till the morning.
"Hey needle noggin, get up!" Opening my eyes reluctantly, i was faced with two gorgeous deep chocolate coloured eyes. Blinking a few times i finally registered that it was morning, and with the way the sun was shining it was around midday. Also that the guy who has been haunting my dreams for the past week was hovering over me, and he was so close i could hear his breath. Rubbing sleeply eyes, i pushed Wolfwood away from me and sat up. When he got near me i felt all hot.
"Why, do we need to be up?" All i got in response was a laughing Priest. "And what may I ask is so funny!"
Lifting his hands up in defence Wolfwood merely shook his head slightly from side to side and murmured "A, Usually you're the one waking me up. B, we have lunch downstairs awaiting us" suddenly Wolfwood got up and raised his voice slightly "And C, what in the blue blazes is wrong with you, for the past few days or you do is bitch and moan. And then when I try to talk to you, you push me away, as if I'm the one in the wrong!"
I could feel my cheeks burn up slightly, i am use to being talked down too, heck i am the Humanoid Typhoon for Christ sake. But when Wolfwood talked down to me, it cut deeper then any knife could. I hung my head in shame, and then felt strong arms pull against me. My head was now resting into Wolfwood's chest, and a tear or two run down my cheek, only to be wiped away by Wolfwood's finger. Why did i cry? I have no idea why.
Chuckling softly Wolfwood started to talk calmly "Why are you crying, is this secret that frustrating."
Taking a deep breath, i knew the only way to get rid of this awful feeling of wrongfulness and guilt, was to tell him "Wolfwood..i keep having..dreams!"
"Is that meant to be wrong, or abnormal?"
"No, what I mean is I keep dreaming about…well you."
“Me?!” I felt Wolfwood’s chest rise slightly as he took a deep inhale. "Now why would you want to dream about me for?"
"Well, if I said I had dreams about you emm..kissing me…what would you say?"
Now i could hear and feel Wolfwood's heart pounding away at his chest. And i knew right then and there i shouldn't have told him, i would rather go to the grave with this secret, then lose his friendship. Then my chin was lifted and soft lips covered mine. The kiss was short and sweet and Wolfwood gazed long and hard at me, then speaking softly he said "I would say, I have the same dreams needle noggin."
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Ok hope your like. Yeah i know its like my other one sorta but meh heh. Well gonna go try catch some sleep lol, soo ill love ye and leave ye ^^
[Edit] Emm ok this is strange, heres a comment made on my page by 'Dynra':
I CAN'T BELIVE YOU!!!!!HOW DARE YOU DO THAT!!!!*gets angry* SESSHO!!!SESSHO!!!SESSHO WHERE ARE YOU,DANG IT!I WANT YOU TO RIP THIS PERSON'S HEART OUT....please???*looks innocently a Sesshomaru*
Emmm is this meant to scare me in any way?? Cos i find it funny more then scary. And just why do you wish to rip my heart out? Is it because of my yaoi? If so then i have one thing to say IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT FUCK OFF!!! I know some of my regular visitors dont like yaoi but at least they aint bitchy about it, and just ignore it and accept that this type of thing will always be on my site. Now if you have any further flames, please PM them to me and i will gladly ignore them ^-^
Ohh damn they are hot aint they ^^ im am so obsessed with this pairing atm. And again, they are dripping hot sex lol.
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Saturday, September 11, 2004
Hi All
Firstly i just noticed that its the 11th of September. So all my peace and love goes out to every single person affected by that tragic day few years back. And that whatever God or higher power you believe in gives you strength through the day.
Ok now onto other things, well Trish and Dad come home from holiday tomorrow and i cant wait. Finally the 3 little brats will be separated. Ok this is the story, last Sunday my dad and his girlfriend Trish went on holiday with some mates. So someone needed to look after Trish's kid, thats where her twin sister comes in, Tori, but Tori has 2 kids of her own. So for a whole week i had 3 screaming kids around the house, and if you know me well enough you know i cant stand kids, especially screaming ones. So yeah WHOOP dad and Trish home tomorrow.
Ohh and on Tuesday i get some professional piccy's taken of none other then me ^^ so i might put em up here might not, depends how much i like em lol. And do any of you go to forums? Im sure you do, well most of you know i go to a place called BlueLaguna, well im a Mod there. So when someone made a thread in the comedy section, saying 'i slept with ur mum and she was good' i told no one else to reply and that it would be closed. And then i got called a bitch >.< i mean ARGH all i done was close an offensive thread and i got called names. I mean i seem to get called every name under the sun just because im doing my job *sigh* sorry me ranting.
I like this piccy ^^ i think that guy is Midvalley the emm saxophone player i think >.> anyway this piccy is hot and yummy lol
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Friday, September 10, 2004
I love you Mum !!
Damn men (sorry if that offends anyone) but this guy has really hurt my mums feelings. Her boyfriend (shall i say EX) told my mum not too long ago, he wanted to marry her and live with her 4eva. Were all these lies? You bastard Mark, how dare you say them things and then tell my mum you cant commit to her. Sorry my mum is heartbroken, she thought they were great together, so did i, but obvious he lied. YOU SCUM!!! My mum is soo upset and it breaks my heart to see her like this. Please whatever God or high power there may be, give my mum strength, she dont deserve this at all.
Anyway lighter news before i go find Mark and blow off his head. I finally told my mum im Bisexual, and she took it great. I had to tell her over msn thou, i could never tell her to her face, i dunno just to hard, ye know? Anyway what else oh yeah Raye came (or should i say snuck) online last night for 10 minutes. We agreed to use Steve as our little messenger between us so we can keep in contact, thats a big relief. Well i might write more short yaoi stories later since all of you liked it ^^ and thank ye for all de nice comments.
On and final note MARK GO BURN IN HELL!!! If i ever see you in the streets you better run for your life.
Ahh who cares if they are half-brothers they are still completely hot together, i wish i was in the middle of that lil scene ;.; lol me being pervy again ^^'
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Thursday, September 9, 2004
My Fanfic
Ok this was a little fanfic i thought of on the spot heh. But first i wanna chat about a one things. My good good good friend Raye has been banned from her computer UNTIL 2005 !!!! I mean ;.; this isn't fair at all. The Police have told Raye she can't use the computer to communticate because she made silly little death threats to one girl via MyO *her old name was Dark Spirit but her site got taken down* i mean come on, everyone makes death threats, no one really mean em. And i can't believe i have just lost one of my greatest friends. Im really upset about this ;.; i mean me and Raye could talk to eachother about anything and everything, not saying i cant here but you might understand when you talk to em everyday ova msn you get closer. And *cries* im soo guna miss her, tis not fair at all. So i mite change this theme later or tomorrow to something wolf related, since Raye loves wolves. Anyway i love ye Raye me hun, take care (stupid me she aint even guna be able to read dat -.-')
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Love and Betrayal
Written in Wolfwood's Words
Standing there you let the wind weep through your golden spikes and you smiling faintly, with your lucious rosey red lips. But yet you weep with those aquamarine eyes, which even the most heartless of people could get lost in. A single tear drop has traced itself down your cheek and all i want is to wipe it away with my finger and let you know i'm here. And that i will always be here for you, no matter what. To whisper sweet nothings and to take your pain away. But your mind is so full of hatred and vengence for your brother Knives, you could never notice that the Priest that you call friend, could maybe, just maybe be something more. I will never admit it to your face of course, that all i want is to wake up beside you, and to wrap my arms around you and hold you tight. If i ever told you the truth, you would hate me and i couldn't deal with that. Yes Vash the Stampede, i have let myself fall in love with you, and it seems i may never tell you.
But then you start to walk towards me, and its only at this moment that i realise i have been staring at you way too long. I shift my eyes to the floor, and then back up and i see you are definatly walking in my direction. I need to do something with my hands, so i get out a ciggarette and move it to my lips and light up with a match. He can most likely tell i'm being fidgety, and look nervous. But i can't help it, the way he's staring and moving towards me, its driving me mad. I take long, quick drags from my ciggarette not knowing what else to do. My whole body isn't responding to my mind. My mind is screaming for me to walk away, to make it look like i ain't some love sick puppy, but my feet are glued to the floor and i'm helpless.
Your too close and i don't want to look at you when you tell me you hate me. And that you think i'm sick, its clearly obvious now that you found out i see you as more then a friend. And your sickened by it, i know. So i close my eyes tight, and i feel the ciggarette leave my mouth, well it was pulled from my face. Before any thought could come to my mind as to why you pulled the white cancer stick from my mouth, i feel lips close around mine. And i feel gloved hands run through my short black hair, and i tingle. This isn't happening, or if it is then it most be some sick twisted game of his. He must have read my mind because he pulled away, and moved his lips to my ear and whispered 'This is no game, or a trick of the mind'. That's all i needed to hear, as i pull him back and mesh our lips together once again. And as i press my lips against his all i can think is now it will be even harder to betray you my love.
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Hope ye liked it ^^ and if u aint a fan then please no flames just ignore it eh, im upset and pissed off as it is. And sorry Black Pearl never meant to corrupt your innocent mind *grins stupiditly and scratches behind head*
I told you all i was getting obsessed with this pairing XD ain't they just dreamy, once again dripping hot sex
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Wednesday, September 8, 2004
Hey..
Hey sorry for not being extremely active yesterday. I went to mums and ended up going to the cinemas with my siblings, we watched Terminal. And i don't wanna spoil it for anyone but lets just say it was a great film, in my opinion it is definatly worth paying to see.
Also i met my mums boyfriend finally, Mark. And what a first impression i made haha. My bro Ryudo put some cream all over me, so i put some in my hand and was chasing him around with it lol. That was funny stuff but i ended up bitting him, and Mark looked kinda scared lol. Although he could most likely tell me and Ryudo were only playing around since we were giggling non stop.
I also watched Clockwork Orange, and it is emm a strange film. But most people i ask say its a confusing film, but i didnt find it very confusing at all, maybe im just weird haha. But still tis a good film ^^ Anyway ill stop babbling on haha and get around to sites.
[Edit][Rant] Ok this will be a huge mofo on hackers. Seriously what the fuck is ur deal, i mean my friend Richard (some of you know him as Chocobo Gene) had his msn, myotaku and BL (a forum we both go too) accounts hacked into. And if you check his MyO account you will know what im talking about. Grrrr its fucking pissed me off to high heaven, i mean Rich dont deserve this type of harasement, hes a great guy seriously. ARGH im sooo fucking pissed off, no one should hack into other ppl's things, its personal none of hackers mother fucking buisness. Ok sorry but Grrrrrr *goes into blind rage, kicking and hurting the little children who keep screaming and making noise* [End of Rant]
Ohh yummy Cloud and Zack lol i want them like hell
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Monday, September 6, 2004
Seven Deadly Sins..
Well not much to talk about, i have a new poem, i wrote it within 5 minutes haha XD And i also wrote a new yaoi story (Rated R) if ye are into dat stuff, plz read and give me feed backs, i have no idea weither to continue or not, once again the link is in my intro under My Website, This one is a Zack x Cloud one.
Ok heres my poem as i have nothing at all to chat about,
Seven Deadly Sins:
I am Gluttony,
Hungry while fed,
Killing myself slowly.
I am Wrath,
Hateful and cruel,
Darkness consuming my soul.
I am Pride,
Never wrong yet never right,
Ears always closed.
I am Envy,
I crave what i can't hvae,
Wishing to be you.
I am Sloth,
Dead to the outside,
Dying alone.
I am Greed,
I live for materials,
Steal from me and i bleed.
I am Lust,
Always left wanting more,
I have no morals.
As you may have guessed i love the 7 sins haha XD yes we all have sinned and are all going hell, but dont threat ^_~ hell is guna b soo much more fun.
Ok heres the piccy, i like it, cos Cloud drawing or writing, and it reminds me of my creative side too ^^ plus they is fecking hot *drools*
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Sunday, September 5, 2004
Stupid Siblings....
As the title says i had a bit of a riff with one my siblings...and surprisingly it was Ryudo (some of you know him) and me and him are real close, and it was over something stupid. But i guess we will be back to our normal doopy selfs soon. It just bugs me when we argue.
Anyway enough of that, what else happened emm well Michelle goes back to collage tomorrow, so i will most likely only be out with her on weekends. Im gonna miss seeing her most days but what can you do. I had to stay up talking to her over msn until 1am -.-' damn i was tired haha she was waiting for Paul and she was extremely bored and wanted someone to talk too so i stayed up. While talking to her i ended up reading about 7 Vash x Wolfwood yaoi fanfic's haha XD now im obsessed with that pairing.
Ohh and the theme yes has changed again (no d'uh) but dont worry i wont b changing it daily but more like weekly now, the first two times were didicated to ppl.
Anyway ill leave it at that and leave you with this yummy piccy of Zack, can you tell who hes leaning over ^_~
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Saturday, September 4, 2004
Hello (yes cant think of any titles)
Hey people as you can tell the theme has changed this is a belated happy birthday prezzie to my friend Richard, or as you lot know him Chocobo Gene. As i said yesterday it was his 17th and i neva got to even say happy bday to him ;.; not fair.
Anyway sorry bout not visiting all ye sites ill get right to it after this k ^^ i slept round Pauls with Michelle again, and i have found something out. I think i hate Chris, seriously every thing he said to me i just snapped at him telling him to leave me alone and stuff, and whenever he looked at me i just wanted to punch him in the face. The only thing holding me back is Paul and Michelle. *Sigh* i dont know but i dont like the thought of someone fancying me, i dont want any extra attention, and its...no sorry...he's beginning to grate on me.
[Edit] Ahh i now have a huge headache, when i got home i had screaming kids in the living room and i wasnt feeling great in the morning anyway...ARGH damn it why wont this day go right -.-'
Anyway enough of me ranting heres a hot piccy of Vincent all on his lonesome, damn he drips hot sex ^^
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Friday, September 3, 2004
hehe
Ok as you can most likely tell my site is getting beta ^^ whoohoo..ok this theme goes out to Sw33tz just as a thank ya for helping me so much with me site ^_~ i hope u like him hun lol i know you do, this will be up untill Sw33tz sees it XD no d'uh. Oh and i know my avi or my banners dont go with the theme...they most likely wont go with alot of themes but i love em too much to change em ^^
Ohh and a happy 17th birthday goes out to my friend Chocobo Gene sorry i never saw you on msn to say this personally hun, hope ye get what ye want ^^ ill hope to speak to ye soon
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