Thursday, November 18, 2004

*ish hugged* *squeaks* X3
I've been acting strange lately. Strange as in excessively affectionate, bubbly, "innocent-y" (the honest, candid type), and just generally girlish. <:) All almost opposite of how I usually act, except for the bubbly part.

Aside from my random spats of sheer anger and irritation, I've been feeling all these things. I dunno what triggered it all. <.<#

I just want to curl up next to someone and purr my head off, that is, if I could do that, which is unfortunate. *shakes fist at God* If not purr, at least burrow into their arms, feeling happy and secure like some baby. <:/

No, I'm not on some affectionate high that originates from a random crush on somebody. It just--happened. I think it has something to do with the poem I submitted on DA. Maybe I should write more. <:3

I think it was also the Preview image I used as a part of the submission. It was a beautiful, high-quality screenshot of Ryouko crying (from the Tenchi series). When I first saw that image, a felt a sharp pang of empathy, and felt a few tears coming...

...not because the screenshot captured the essence of how I was feeling at the moment, but I can relate to Ryouko in almost every way, and she rarely cries, and when she does, it's a vivid, dramatic moment, in an almost subtle and sweet way. <:(

'Captures her true feelings and the honest and innocent side of her.

I dunno. Ever since that time last night, when I submitted the poem, I've been feeling good inside, to the core, and almost to the point of tears.

I have these deep feelings for my best friend, who already has a girlfriend, and I put my true, raw feelings, tainted by nothing but innocence, into that poem. I meant no malice, it didn't hint anything that suggested he come back to me, but just that bond we share. Plain and simple. Like Mako energy/Materia in its raw state of origin. X-)

I say this albeit I'm a good writer, I rarely do any poetry. Like a rare gem, lol.

I dunno...it's been an odd experience. I don't know what it is... <:(

Maybe it's because I'm finally exposing a side of myself I've been trying to figure out and hiding, or covering up. My mixed feelings for him seemed all tangled, good and bad.

But when I wrote that poem, open and candid, all I could do was shut out the outside concerns and feelings, and strip it down to the bond we've always exclusively shared.

I don't know what to say about that now. I guess it's because I've never, ever really been the romantic type, quite opposite really, and I'm finally taking baby steps into that world. I don't know what caused it, but it's happening...<:-/

And as I speak I'm even thinking of laying out another poem, hoping its form will stir something in me long absent.
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