Monday, June 21, 2004

More stuff: You know how I hate my job with a passion:
I can’t believe I did this yesterday. On Saturday I was at work, and they came around asking for overtime volunteers. I told them I was already working on Sunday. Then the nice supervisor, the one who I actually like, asked me if I wanted to extend my shift for yesterday so I’d start at 10 am like usual when the store opens, but not finish until 4:15 when the store closes. Initially I thought, yeah alright, it’s not like Im going to be doing anything Sunday afternoon. But shortly afterwards, I started to regret saying yes. I mean, I hate my job. So what If I get paid a lil extra for overtime? Is it worth putting up with the hassle? This lead to the following:



Darke Angel’s Guide to pissing me off at work.

Here is an in depth guide to what really turns me uphill at work. It is helpfully divided into staff related and customer related, along with an anger rating and reason. Anger rating is out of ten, one being slightly annoyed and ten being homicidal rage. Enjoy.

If you are a staff member DO NOT:

1: Ignore my red light: The red light is there if a customer needs assistance. Im not allowed to leave my till and so I have to wait for a supervisor. This leads to hold ups in the queue and embarrassment. Score: between 3 and 7 depending on urgency.

2: Ask me to smile more. Score: between 5 and 8 depending on my mood. I already hate my job, isn’t it obvious? So don’t ask me to smile. Cuz I don’t feel like it.

3: Ask me to do overtime: Score: 8 Um: NO!!! God, I don’t want to spend any more time at work than necessary.

4: Ignore my need for a lunch break: Score: 8. They actually did this to me once, I went without a lunch or tea break all day. I was dying for a piss and something to eat, but I didn’t want to say anything, cuz I was a newbie.

5: Put me on a broken till: This normally is something that isn’t a major problem, just a re-occurring irritation. Score: 2

6: Talk to me: This only actually applies to the store retard. Every supermarket in England has a store retard. It’s normally a thirty-ish year old who is not actually retarded, but so socially inept that the best job he could get is shelf packer in a supermarket. Our store actually has two, but the second tends to stay outside and shunt trolleys around, so he doesn’t count. But the “Primary retard” as I think of him, actually seems to think that everybody likes him. It is possible that some people might actually like him, but this hypothesis is still undergoing investigation. I blank him every time he tries to talk to me, because all he speaks is utter crap.

If you are a Customer, DO NOT :

1: Ask for cash back : This isn’t too bad unless I have no cash left in the till. Then the customer gets all narky because they think Im refusing a reasonable request. THERE ARE ATMS OUTSIDE!!! USE THEM YOU BASTARDS! Score: 3-6

2: Give me a twenty or a fifty for something that costs less than £10: Jeez Louise! Im not made of money! My change reserves are limited. People start to wonder why I give them their change in coins. It’s because the last cunt who gave me a twenty took all my five pound notes!!! Arrgh! Score: 7

3: Own a child and bring said child with you shopping: Children, in my experience, are just wrong. Im seriously considering supporting Infanticide. Kids are either whiney or irritating or just always getting in the way. They always want their sweets and comics. And why the hell do kids of one year of age have such powerful lungs? It gives me migraine. And people wonder why they get this situation with me:
Generic Customer with Kid: Do you like Children?
Me: I love Children. I couldn’t eat a whole one though…
Score: 9-10

4: “Give me something to do,” If you saw my comic strip, you know about this one. Im sitting there, minding my own business, when somebody comes up, deciding I look bored and wants to give me something to do, namely process their shopping. No really, it’s fine. Im getting paid anyway. Why the hell would I want to work for my money? Score: 6

5: Ask for assistance/a forgotten item/a replacement item/generally making me put my red light on: Depending on the nature of the assistance required, this rates between 3 and 6. I’ve already got a migraine from working normally. Why the hell would I want to go out of my way to help you further?

6: Try to strike up a conversation and/or use my name: Okay, so my name is on the name badge. Doesn’t mean you have to use it. Im not your friend. This also applies with the conversation. Im anti-social. I didn’t choose to become a checkout operator. I’d rather not talk to you.
Score: 2

7: Ask me where an Item is: How the hell should I know? I work on the checkouts, not the shop floor. Just cuz I work for Tescos, it doesn’t mean I know it intimately. Go and ask a shelf stacker. They’re the one’s who are *gasp* STACKING SHELVES!!! Score: 4

8: Try to use the “10 items or less” checkouts to pay for 15+ items: The theory behind express tills are that if you only come in to buy a few items, you use these tills, rather than a larger till, so that queuing time is reduced. It doesn’t work if you try to bring a weeks worth of shopping through my tiny little express till. I don’t mind if you are a few over, but I’ve got good mind to tell you to f*ck off if you have more than 15 items. Score: 9

9: Come to my till five minutes before Im due to leave with a trolley that’s stacked to the ceiling with shopping: Just don’t, okay? Im tired and irritated enough as it is. I just wanna go home and watch anime. Leave me alone. Score: 8

10: Give me coupons: This divides into three categories:
1: Giving me coupons for items you haven’t bought. So what if the machine accepts them? You haven’t got the item. So you can’t have money off it.
2: Giving me Tesco coupons that you haven’t bought or haven’t bought enough of: Look, I know you have bought the butter. But if you took the time to read the stupid coupon, you will read that it says it’s for the 1kg pots ONLY!!! You have the 500g pots. So it won’t accept the coupon.
3: Giving me lots and lots of coupons: I have to sit and separate them, and put them into order, lose the expired ones, give back the ones the machine won’t accept. It’s time consuming and bl00dy annoying seeing as you’re only getting 50 extra clubcard points anyway!!!!
Score: Between 5 and 8

11: Be a slowpoke: I know not all of you can help it, but it’s not brain surgery opening a plastic bag. Why should it take so long? Im finished scanning by the time the first bag has just been packed. Jeez. And they have the audacity to ask me to slow down! I’ve got another 100 customers to get through, why can’t you speed up? Huh? Score: 8

12: Issue a complaint about me: Hey, you got a problem with me, fine. Tell me to my face so I can do something about it. Don’t go and tell a manager, because that just taints the whole store. I actually had someone complain to a manager that I wasn’t smiling. Seriously. Listen lady, if you just came all the way to Tesco just to be smiled at, you need to get a life. Most people couldn’t care less that I don’t smile, and those who actually notice it tend to empathise with me. There is a reason Im not smiling and that’s because the job sucks!!! Score: 10 *must kill*

13: Stand there, just watching me scan, not doing anything, sometimes with the expression that something has crawled up your ass and died: The type of people who do this are normally snobby posh types, who don’t want to dirty their manicured nails with a common job like packing their own bags. Typical mental response to this is: Hey Asshole! These bags won’t pack themselves y’know?! If you want help (emphasise word HELP) with your packing, you just have to ask! Christ. Score: 9

14: Buy lots of weighed items/reduced items/items without barcodes:
This irritates me no end. I normally just let the customer have the damn item for free if it hasn’t a barcode, unless it’s really expensive. Weighed items take ages and three times out of every five the scales won’t work properly. And reduced labels either don’t scan, so I have to put in extensive codes or I have to peel the label off and go through the manual override sequence, which is annoying when all thirty three items are reduced because you’re a stingy bastard. Score: 7

15: Argue with me: This normally occurs after I put an item through and the computer, which is networked to the grand computer which dictates the price of every item in store, tells me the item is £3.50. The customer however, believes that the item actually costs £2.50. It goes a bit like this:
Idiot (or customer if you prefer): No its not.
Me: Excuse me?
Idiot: Its £2.50, not £3.50 (accusing tone, as if it’s my fault)
Me: Well, im going by what the computer tells me.
Idiot: Well the label said it was £2.50
Me: Well, Im going to have to check.
This involves a long process with a red light (see point 5), extending queue and a manager, who goes away and comes back and the exchange continues:
Manager: This item is actually £3.50. The item next to it which is 99% similar to that item is the one that costs £2.50 (or words to that effect.)
Idiot: Well, that’s very misleading. (gets all righteous)
Me: (thinking) Yeah, well if you had taken the time to read the label, we wouldn’t be in this predicament would we?
This leads on to the next issue. Score: 7-9

16: Leave an item behind: This occurs after the customer realises that they haven’t enough money or doesn’t want the item after the above predicament, or suddenly and inexplicably and very annoyingly decides that they just don’t want the item any more. Why? Why would you do that? You’ve just lugged item X around the store for the last hour and a half. Why is it when you finally get served after sitting in a queue for 5 minutes do you decide “no, I don’t want it any more,”? Especially if it’s a perishable item, and then I have to call a supervisor (see Point 5) who has to return it. Score: 7-9 depending on whether the item is perishable or not.

17: Do any of the above five minutes before the end of my shift:
Just don’t give me the grief okay. Or else Doctor Pain is gonna start making house calls, got that? Score: 15. *sound of nuke being set up and primed*



So there we have it. I’ve probably forgotten a few, but next time you visit a supermarket, spare a thought for the poor bugger sitting behind the till. It’s not like he wants to be there. So cut him some slack.



PS: Some of you are probably wondering why I still work at TESCOS if I hate it so much. Well, the truth is I was desperate for a job; everyone else had turned me down. Besides, all the best jobs won’t accept me until I’m 18. But trust me, when I turn 18: Forbidden Planet, London: Im coming!!!

I also went and bought Eva vol 4 and Nadesico vol 4 or 5 (i forget- I was too busy watching it) on DVD. Some old favs rather than new stuff. Im actually still waiting for the next Vol of FMP to come out.
More “See No Evil” soon. I haven’t had the chance to write much lately. Besides, I have had some fresh inspiration for my Gundam Scroll fic, so that might take up some of my time as well.

Thought for the week: Someday…someday I’ll kill them all… *disturbingly placid and dreamy look on face*

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