Thursday, May 26, 2005

GoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDD MORNING MYOTAKU!!!!!
Hi there and welcome to “Darke”. We got a lot planned for you on the show today, or least we will have till my muse gives up, so please bare with us. If you don’t have the time to read this now, please copy and paste and read it later, as it is very important.

First off we have the news. Over to you Chibi Darke:

CHIBI DARKE: Thank you Darke Angel. And now the headlines:

Two men were reported to have robbed a bank yesterday. Witnesses described the robbers as one about 7 foot 3 inches and the other 3 foot 1 inch. Police are looking high and low for these two men.

In an unrelated event, Darkeangel will be cancelling his regular broadcasts fro henceforth. The popular MyO journalist is having his internet time drastically reduced due to his end of term in High School Prison. He will try to update at least weekly when possible, but we will be seeing less of this reporter.

And in sports, the goalkeeper of MyO United Soccer team has been having problems. He doesn’t seem to be able to stop the ball from rolling into the goal. When asked why he wasn’t attempting to stop the ball, he replied: “Isn’t that what the net is for?”

And that’s the news. Back to you Darke.

DARKE: Thank you Chibi Darke. Do you realise its Chibi Appreciation Day soon?

CHIBI DARKE: I do indeed. What are you getting me?

DARKE: Close your eyes.

CHIBI DARKE: *closes eyes*

DARKE: What do you see?

C.D: Nothing.

DARKE: That’s what I'm getting you. Now we have Book Corner with Rose. Good day Rose.

ROSE: Good day Darke. I would like today to talk about Shakespeare. What can you tell me about Shakespeare Darke?

DARKE: um…he’s dead?

ROSE: -_-; Forget Shakespeare then.

DARKE: Shouldn’t be too hard. I’ve been practising for the last 5 years.

ROSE: Instead, let’s give some recommended books. Here are a list of titles and their authors:

EASY MONEY by Robin Banks
THE FOREST by Theresa Green
MERRY CHRISTMAS by Miss L Toe
THE ART OF WAR by R. Tillery
LONG WALK by Miss. D Bus
KICK IN THE REAR by Ben Dover
EXECUTION by Hugo First
A HOLE IN MY BUCKET by Lee King

Another recommendation is that you go over to Lucifers Wife’s site and read some of her poetry. Its damn good.

DARKE: Thank You Rose. By the way Rose, did I ever tell you the story about the broken pencil?

ROSE: I don’t believe you have. Will you tell me now?

DARKE: There’s no point to it. And now I’d like to do the Foreign Cultures Section. Next week I'm embarking on a one day trip to France. As you know France is a place of culture that, in a recent survey, is found to be the most disliked country in Europe. Seriously folks, when asked the people of Germany, Spain, UK, Italy and several other countries said that they disliked France for several various reasons. However, in a saving grace, they do have cheap booze and cheap olive oil, which is the purpose of next weeks trip. ^^ We might stop off in a French Restaurant to sample the fine Cuisine.

CHIBI DARKE: Hey Darke, have you ever had Frogs Legs?

DARKE: No, this pair works fine. ^^

And now we have a special guest on the show to talk about our viewers medical problems. Please welcome Dr. Phil!

DR. PHIL: Hi everybody!

EVERYBODY: Hi Dr. Phil!

D.P: Darke, thank you for having me on your show. You look familiar though, have I seen your face somewhere else?

DARKE: No it’s always been here between my ears.

D.P: Right… okay, do we have a caller on the line?

CALLER 1: Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!

D.P: Pull yourself together woman! Next!

CALLER 2: Doctor, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes!

D.P: Have you seen an optician?

CALLER 2: No, just spots…

D.P: >.< NEXT!

CALLER 3: I have this sore leg.

D.P: Probably just age pains.

CALLER 3: But my other leg is the same age and that doesn’t hurt! I want a second opinion!

DARKE: Okay, you’re ugly as well. Thank you Dr. Phil, its been a pleasure. Oh, by the way, can you help? My assistant swallowed my pen.

DR. PHIL: Use a pencil.

DARKE: yes, well, thank you. If you want some real expert advice, I would recommend either Flueky, who works in a rehab centre or Cee-Kari and Mitzy who are trained psychiatrists. Not much in the way of drivers though. Speaking of driving, after the break we will have traffic and weather. Stay Tuned.




DARKE: Hi, we’re back. Now we go straight to Luna who has the Traffic and Travel report for us.

LUNA: Thank You Darke. Yes, its hell out there today. Be careful in the SE Region of England today, Darke is having a driving lesson. Oh, by the way, Darke are my indicators working?

DARKE: yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes….

LUNA: thanks. Trains should be running smoothly today…

DARKE: How long will the next train be?

LUNA: About 6 coaches long.

DARKE: Thank You Luna. We move over to Laura now who has a weather report for us.

LAURA: Thank You Darke. Initially its going to be light during the day, and it’s gonna get dark at night. The weather is going to be hot and 5hitty, with a crappy pissy weather front coming down from the north. Basically its gonna be hotter then the desert. As well it should, its summer after all. Watch out for sudden rain falls however. Don’t underestimate that British Weather!

DARKE: I'll say Laura. It looks like its raining cats and dogs out there!

LAURA: It is, I've just stepped in a poodle.

DARKE: By the way, you look awfully wet there. No shelter from the rain?

LAURA: Well, I did bring this umbrella, but it doesn’t seem to be keeping me dry.

DARKE: Have you tried opening it?

LAURA: …Oh yeah.

DARKE: How stupid can you get?

LAURA: That wasn’t very nice!

ROSE: Yeah, tell her you’re sorry Darke.

DARKE: Fine. I'm sorry you’re stupid. I tell you what isn’t stupid though. Going over to Sailor Firestar’s site. Always entertaining, and she always had a good word for you.
Right, back to business. We will have a short advertising break, and then we’ll finish up.

THIS ADVERTISEMNT IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY DARKE:

Darke Angel…we all love him. But there’s only one of him…UNTIL NOW!

Yes, presenting for the first time nowhere, DARKE ANGEL ACTION FIGURES!

Each one of these fifteen centimetre high figures comes with its own unique feature!
There’s glomping Darke, with real glomping action, high Darke with Red Bull Swigging action and electronic Darke with motor scooter. Press the button and hear him say one of several road rage phrases, including: “OH, THE SPEED!!”, “OUTTA MY WAY ASSHOLE!”, “C’MON, YOU COULD FIT A DOUBLE DECKER BUS THROUGH THERE!” and “EAT MY DUST, LOSERS!”.


And now, for a limited time only, there’s the ultimate Darke Angel toy: DARKE ANGEL ELCTRONIC DELUXE PLUSHIE!!!

This 12’’ Plushie comes with scale size Red Bull can and Upside Down Toast.
Press his stomach and hear him say one of two trillion phrases!! Put him in front an anime or manga and he will comment on it! Put Red Bull in his hand and he will say “Oh yeah, that’s the stuff,” or “Damn, Im high.” Put upside down toast in his hand and he will say “Man, am I depressed.” Put him on his head with the toast and he will quote Shakespeare!
Other phrases include Quotes from his Manga “See No Evil, Speak No Evil,”, unique thoughts for the week, Checkout philosophy, bitching about work and cadets, funny random phrases and much, much more! Here’s a selection:
“Ha-HA-ha. That makes me laugh.”
“C’mere y’all and gimme a hug,”
“Poontang!”
“When there’s trouble, you know who to call: Darke Angel! *ringing sound* Hullo? You’re in trouble? BWA-HA-HA-HA! *hangs up*”
“Life is that annoying period between naps.”
“I wanna cookie!”
“I wish I had a Gundam,”
“Wear sunscreen,”
“Sticks and stones will break my bones, but a bullet to the head would kill me.”
“Life is like a Ferrari. It goes too fast. But that’s okay. You can’t afford it anyway.”
“I hate Mondays. And Tuesdays. And all the other days…”
And more!!

ALSO: Darke Angel is fully interactive with other electronic toys. Example: Put him front of a Furbie ™ and the following might ensue:

Furbie: ME WUV YOU!
Darke: Fuck off, Foo’! Im trying to look cool!

Or with a Poo-chi:
Poo-Chi: Woof!
Darke: Piss off Mutt. Do I look like a fucking fire Hydrant to you?

Put two Darke DX plushies together and they talk to each other!! They also sing a duet of a number of original songs, including “High on Life,” and the highly acclaimed “I talk to myself, that’s why they put me away,”

Darke Angel DX Plushie also comes with a number of different clothes! Put him in his full length Leather Jacket and he’ll say, “Oh yeah, looking good!”
Put him in his Sleeve-less T-shirt and he’ll say, “Its gonna be a hot one!”
Put him in his cadet uniform and he’ll yell out commands!
Put him in his Work Uniform and he’ll complain endlessly and randomly sprout out interesting thoughts!
Or put him in nothing at all, and he’ll say: “hey, whatever floats your boat baby!” or “what are you, gay?”

Darke Angel DX Plushie is not available anywhere, for any price, because he does not exist! Order Now and you’ll get laughed at down the phone! Pay by Credit Card and you’ll receive large bills every month as I steal your money!

Darke Angel Action Figures and Darke Angel Deluxe Electronic Plushie, bringing unique entertainment to your life.


This advert was brought to you by Darke Angel at MyOtaku.com, the same twisted random freak of nature that brought you “Upside Down Toast depression cure,” “Project H,” “See No Evil, Speak No Evil,” The news, Hurricane Ivan and death warmed up.
Darke Angel “an otaku for the people, from the pits of hell. Vote Darke Angel today!”

DARKE: And that’s all there is from me. No seriously, that’s it. Its been great here on MyO, I’ve made many friends that I’ll never forget, and had many experiences here. I hope you guys have enjoyed it as much as I have. I will honestly try to update weekly, but there will be times when that isn’t possible. I would like to thank the following:

AISLINN: I know you haven’t been on recently and probably will never read this, but thank you for being a great friend.

CHOCOBO GENE: You get my English jokes. Cheers mate.

CHIE: You the best Chie. Never forget that. You work way too hard and always put me to shame. I wish you the best.

CHAINED ANGEL: *flicks ear*

DEMON MESSIAH: Keep trying mate. You’ll get her someday. ^^

PRINCESS OOKUMAE: Hey, I did the news thing again! LOL. I ain’t that sexeh though.

NUMBER 5: Your art is cool. Keep it up!

RED TIGRESS: You cool. I dig that. MyProcrastinator Club was inspired from your comments. Thank You.

MOURGHAN, OTEMBA, USAGIXSENJO: You guys are cool people too. Don’t forget that.

PURPLEPENGUINS: You just…crack me up. Thanks.

FOX RESSURECTED: keep those random people at bay, eh?

KAGOMEINUYASHASIT: Thanks for the PM conversation. It was interesting.

PURGATORY: You…what can I say? *hugs* Life will get better, I promise. Keep living. I always enjoy hearing from you.

MEMAKI: Cheer up! Life ain’t that bad! LOL. Stay cool.

WATASEFAN: Hey, we share the same birthday! Cool. You must be my long lost sister!!! ARRGH!! LOL.

VAMP2004: Don’t cut ya self, kay? There are better ways. You rock.

YUKINA: I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: You are the coolest person I have ever met. This one loves the way you “speak” online. PL3454NT W4V35.

WEAVER: Someone else who gets my English Humour. You totally rock dude. Take Care of Amber! I wish the two of you happiness.

SNOW ANGEL: AZUMANGA DAIOH ROCKS!!!!! Runa humour will last forever!

29: Its okay, it gets easier. Trust Me. LOL.

ONOKIJ: Someone else who will never see this, but I have to thank you for introducing me to Midori No Hibi. That Manga changed my life and also inspired me to write “See No Evil, Speak No Evil”. Thank You.

MITZY: keep up the fan fiction! Its great, I love it!

TAROKUN: Don’t know if you’re gonna see this, but you were the first person to EVER comment on my site. Cheers.

SAIEJIMA MAMIMI, TEPOCOORA, CHICKEN BURGER AND BLACK PEARL: Don’t know if you guys are gonna see this either, But you guys have been great, thanks for being my friends.

MEW WEM: I love your dry sense of humour! HUZZAH for New Zealanders (or should that be Kiwis?) Seriously, it’s been great knowing you. Keep in touch.

LIVING DOLL: Your Cosplay costumes are the GREATEST!!! I love your Rei Costume. You have got serious skill. Someone who shares my Rei Obsession. LOL.

LUCIFERS WIFE: You are the BEST poet EVER. Email me when you publish your first poetry book, I will buy a copy. And don’t worry about your family; once you get into the real world, you never have to see your brother again. Take Care Jen.

CLAIR CHANTEUR: LIL SISTER!!! I'm gonna miss you. Take Care, and look after that singing voice. I might pop over one day to hear it!

SAILOR FIRESTAR: ONEE-SAMA!! Someone who shares my passion for Gundam. A great friend and someday soon, a great teacher. A proper teacher I mean, not just helping out. Thank You for everything. *HUGS*

FLUEKY: Amber, you rock. I know I’ve said that a lot, but you R0X0R5 MY B0X0R5 to heaven and back. You’re one of the most awesomest (ph34r my un-l337 grammar 5kill5!) people I know. Stay in touch, kay? Oh and why did the tomato turn red? Cuz it saw the salad dressing!!!! (just had to do that one last time. ^^ )

Finally, CEE-KARI: Chrissy, what can I say? You’re probably the longest running visitor to my site. You always comment on my art. You included me in your fic (which is awesome BTW. You and Mitzy keep it up, kay?) and you’ve added me as one of your buttoned friends on your site (I love the button by the way), which is the only one who isn’t a member of your group of real life friends! That means a lot to me. Hopefully I'll be dropping by your neck of the woods this summer, so stay posted, eh? You’re the greatest. Stay in touch.

ANYONE WHO I’VE FORGOTTEN: You guys cool too. Sorry I didn’t mention you. ^^;

If any of you guys know somebody who I may have mentioned, could you please give them the Heads Up about this post so that they can read it? Cheers.


THANK YOU ALL. If I never get the chance to post again, I hope you will remember me.

ROSE: Aww, Darke, I’ll remember you.

DARKE: Will you remember me in a Month?

ROSE: Yes.

DARKE: Will you remember me in a year?

ROSE: Yes.

DARKE: Will you remember me in five years?

ROSE: Of course.

DARKE: Knock, Knock.

ROSE: Who’s there?

DARKE: SEE, you’ve forgotten me already!

And at that last piece of cringe worthy piece of British Humour, I bid you all adieu. The site will remain active until the end of the year definitely. After that, I can only speculate. Take Care My Friends. And remember: EVERY JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES BEGINS WITH A SINGLE STEP.

Chibi Darke: Unless you’re in a wheelchair. ^^

Toodles.






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