Monday, February 9, 2004

Alright ignorant masses: listen up!
I got a letter here from a relatively famous manga-ka. It reads:
“I, Koshi Rikdo, hereby give my authorisation for Excel Saga to be advertised on Darke Angel’s MyOtaku site following it’s UK release.” Signed and stamped Koshi Rikdo. Oh well. Here goes…

-EXCEL SAGA OPENING THEME-

IL Palazzo: This world is corrupt!
Excel and Hyatt: Hail IL Palazzo!
IL Palazzo: We at ACROSS must unify and conquer the world. We have already made a start with both Japan and America, our exploits being shown on their national television. However, Europe is still unaffected. We therefore must spread the word of ACROSS via the most powerful country in Europe: England!”
Excel: YEAH! Lord IL Palazzo is so great! We’ll get those English bast**ds! And from there, we can get the whole of Europe. Lord IL Palazzo’s plan is wonderful!”
Hyatt: Um, excuse me sir, how are we going to spread the word?
IL Palazzo: As it just so happens, the Sci-Fi channel has debuted our show just this Sunday. All we have to do is spread the word that it is on. To do this, I have thought of a cunning plan. Meet ACROSS’ newest member, English Agent: Darke Angel!
D.A: ‘sup.
Hyatt: Pleased to meet you Agent Darke. Please explain how we are going to spread the news.
D.A: Well, it’s very simple…
Cute Puchuu: Pu-chuu!
D.A: *kicking Puchuu so it turns ugly* Shut up! Can’t you see I have a very important plan here?!
Ugly Puchuu: OW! Why you kill me like that?
D.A: AC-HEM. As I was saying, it’s very simple. Using my MyOtaku.com site, we will preach to the masses about ACROSS’ greatness. We will blah blah blah *rambles on*
Excel: Hello again viewers. Excel here. I don’t know why Lord IL Palazzo has hired one of the Brits in order to accomplish the mission but if it spreads the word of Lord IL Palazzo, Excel will try her hardest not to fall or be hungry in order to complete her mission and spread “Excel Saga” to the ignorant masses.
IL Palazzo: *interrupting* If your mission succeeds you shall all be promoted. Good Luck.
Excel: YEAH! Lord IL Palazzo is so kind and generous and…
IL Palazzo: *pulls rope*
Excel: AHH, IM FALLING! ALREADY? WHY ME?”
D.A: There she goes again…
IL Palazzo: Right, off you go!
D.A, Hyatt (and Excel from well) : HAIL IL PALAZZO!

-ba dabahbadabahbadabah breeow!-

Iwata: What? Excel Saga in England?
Watanabe: Yup, that’s what the boss said.
Matsuya: It’s almost unthinkable.
Sumiyoshi: *subtitled* Have we been tasked to stop it?
Matsuya: Yes. As government officials, it is our duty to stop all exports of “Excel Saga”.
Iwata: Although the fact that America has already got it…
Watanabe: And the fact that England has already got the DVD’s before the T.V series was already released…
Sumiyoshi: *subtitled* and the fact that Rikdo –san has already given his permission for it to be advertised…
Watanabe: …Isn’t it a bit pointless to get all worked up?
Nabeshin: FEAR NOT MY FRIENDS!
Matsuya: What…?
Iwata: It’s Nabeshin!
Sumiyoshi: *subtitled* and his afro!
Nabeshin: That’s right! Do not worry, because I have programmed “Excel Saga” to show at Five thirty IN THE MORNING! NOBODY watches T.V at five in the morning! Plus, it’s been slotted next to Gasaraki, a sure downer for the “Excel Saga”!
Matsuya: It’s still going to be advertised though, by Darke Angel.
Watanabe: *thinking* Hey, don’t we want it to be advertised? Doesn’t that mean we get more screen time and thus more money in this horrible recession?
Sumiyoshi:*subtitled* It doesn’t matter that much anyway…
Everyone else: HUH? WHY NOT?
Sumiyoshi: *subtitled* read the next few lines.
* * *
Hyatt: Um, Senior Excel, I don’t mean to be impolite, but…
Excel: I know Hat-chan, I see it too. Hey Darke-kun!
D.A: What?
Excel: How many people visit this pathetic site anyway?
D.A: Um, well…not many. Im the most frequent British visitor. In fact, Im the only British Visitor. Everyone else is American.
Hyatt: So your brilliant plan won’t work.
D.A: uhhh. No. But that won’t stop us from trying. LISTEN UP IGNORANT MASSES. “EXCEL SAGA” HAS COME TO BRITISH TELEVISION AT 5:30AM EVERYDAY ON SCI-FI CHANNEL! WATCH IT AND BE AWED BY THE POWER OF OUR SECRET ORGANISATION OF ACROSS!
Excel: So all in all, this mission was a total waste of time.
Hyatt: I believe it to be so. However, more Americans might learn of us… *coughs suddenly, then goes on one of her dying fits, blood trickling from mouth*
D.A: Oh, jeez, right after I had redecorated this place…
Excel: Oh well.
Il Palazzo: Did somebody say well?
Excel: AHHHH! IM FALLING AGAIN!

TODAYS EXPERIMENT…MOST DEFINITLEY FAILED!!-_-‘

Pedro: BUT WHAT OF PEDRO? NOOOOOO!

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