Tuesday, November 1, 2005

i really dont like autumn.
for starters, its wet, windy and all my mates have buggered off to uni, so im bored as heck. i STILL dont have a job. Halloween round here sucks anus. and thats just for starters.

today i was heading out over to Bluewater, a huge out-of-town shopping mall. I had barely left the local area when some woman in her car sideswiped me. I BLATANTLY had the right of way and she pulled out and we collided. I think her car got off with a few scratches but i have to freakin replace a whole panel now. Its all cracked and splintered. my poor Luna. arrgh!!! that woman is payin for it though. I got her details. HA! shes gonna pay for Luna's new body work. I havnt quite figured out what its gonna cost, but im hoping its relativley expensive.

so yeah. life has been pretty sucky recently. SO i decided to post this again. Most of you guys probably missed this the first time i posted it. its a tad long, but a good read. trust me.

DARKE ANGEL’S DEPRESSION CURE

What you will need:
1: A Slice of Bread (preferably White, but brown will do)
2: A toaster
3: Butter (or margarine IF YOU MUST!)
4: The ability to stand on your head if need be.

Preparation:
1: Lightly toast the bread until it is golden brown, or until it is at the optimum temperature for melting the butter.
2: Spread the butter on the toast so that it is absorbed into the toast. Ensure that the toast still has some butter on the surface.
3: Wait until butter has been fully absorbed, but ensure that the toast does not cool down. The whole process from removing toast from toaster to the toast being ready should take between thirty to fifty seconds.


THE CURES.



1: Depression Stage One: Mild Depression a.k.a “Down in the Dumps”
Cure: Eat toast upside down. (see fig. 1)

2: Depression Stage Two: Severe or Chronic Depression
Cure: Eat Toast upside down whilst standing on your head. (Fig. 2)
Please note that the butter side of the toast should be facing the ceiling/ sky/your feet.

3: Depression Stage Three: Manic Depression, or “if everything else fails…”
NOTE: This should really be used if all other cures have failed. Please note that this cure is extremely dangerous and should only be used as a last resort.

Cure: Eat toast at 90 degree angle whilst standing on your head and quoting Shakespeare OR humming your National Anthem (but please, for your own safety NOT BOTH!) (see fig. 3)


Annex to the Above Cures: The common misconception about the above methods is that the cure is the actual eating of the toast upside down. It is not. Te cure lies in the patient’s belief that upside down toast will actually cure them of depression. It prompts them to question: “How does something as small and insignificant like eating buttered toast upside down cure something as big and major as Depression, which affects 87% of the Earth’s population?” This leads the patient to consider the bigger problems that can’t be cured by toast. Like War. Plague. Famine…well, maybe famine can be cured by toast. And then they realise that their problems aren’t as big and bad as they originally thought. And they feel better because of that. It also tends to help if they like toast.

For Manic Depression, the eating of toast at a ninety degree angle whilst standing on their head involves intense concentration, so much so that it diverts energy from the A-10 neuron cluster in the brain that is concerned with depression-stimulation. The quotation of Shakespeare/National Anthem diverts the attention from this fact so that when the energy depression levels in the frontal lobes are reduced, the “depression compared to other problems” logic kicks in, curing depression.

I do not recommend the use of Jam/Preserves, seedless or otherwise, with this cure. One, it detracts from the simplicity of the cure and two; it makes a big splat on the floor when gravity gets the better of it.

All research into these cures was undertaken by Darke Angel. To fund further research and ensure depression is completely eradicated from the Earth, please consider making a donation to Darke Angel’s Anti Depression Cure Utilising Inverted Carbonated Wheat Extract And Processed Cow Juice Research and Development Fund. (D.A.A.D.C.U.I.C.W.E.A.P.C.J.R.D.F). All donations to the D.A.A.D.C.U.I.C.W.E.A.P.C.J.R.D.F are gratefully received. (But please do not send toast in the mail as it gets all squishy and unusable during transportation)

If unsatisfied with this cure please return unused portion for a full refund. D.A.A.D.C.U.I.C.W.E.A.P.C.J.R.D.F is a registered trademark of Darke Angel. Any attempts to emulate this cure will result in consequences. The strawberry cows know where you live.



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in fact the only good thing thats happened recently is that Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence just got released in certain cinemas here. I went to see it with my best friend Nick at this really posh cinema. it was fantastic. No trailers, straight into the movie and enjoy its awesomness in all its glory. GITS2: INNOCENCE is a true work of anime art. beautiful.


ne hoo thats enough for now. see ya again.


QUOTE: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who cant teach, teach gym."
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