Thursday, December 14, 2006

Eat, Sleep and Wii
because i am a fairly modern guy and all for new methods in the world of blogging, i offer you, the reader, a choice.

ONE: if you wanna know whats going on in my life and what i've been up to lately, go read last sundays post (the one below). it has pictures and details and voo-doo balloons.

TWO: if ya done that already and you want something weird and slightly schizo to read/look at, go take a gander at my crappy diary comics from my time in Ireland, which can be found BY PRESSING THIS SECTION OF WORDS WHICH IS A DIFFERENT COLOUR AND IS UNDERLINED AND WILL TAKE YOU TO A WORLD OF CREEPY RETARDED DRAWINGS AND MILD PSYCHOSIS.



THREE: if your computer wont let you go on to D.A or you dont want to mentally scar yourslef for life and instead want to hear me rant about how a next generation console has totally ruined one of my regular jokes in my repotoire, read the following section:


"stupid new Nintendo console. totally ruined a joke i like to use. the joke goes like this: Theres an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman (typial format) and the come across a slide in the middle of nowhere. suddenly a magical genie appears and tells them that if they slide down the slide and yell out something, whatever they yelled out will be waiting for them at the bottom. So the englishman decides to give it a try. He slides down the slide and yells "beautiful busty girls!" and low and behold, as he reaches the end of the slide, a harem of beautiful girls catches him and walk off with him. So the Scotsman decided to have a go. He slides down the slide and yells "a life-time supply of whisky!" and sure enough as he reaches the bottom, he lands in a huge truck carrying a lifetimes supply of whiskey. So the Irishman gets up on the slide and slides down, yelling "WEEEEEE!!!!"

obviously, originally the joke was to intend the irishman to land in a vat of urine by playing on the words "wee" and "whee!" but now, tell that joke to kids and they'll be like "so what? he landed next on a Wii? and got the latest next generaion console for nothing?" and whilst the concept of an irishman sliding onto a Wii is quite amusing, i prefer the original joke.
anyway, thats my stupid rant for the day."


OPTION FOUR: you can read this funny email my brother sent me.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked
with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

(By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.


* * *

please choose the option you want to partake in by pressing the corresponding button on your keypad. to hear the options again, press 0, follwed by the Hash Key.



Comments (14)