Friday, June 15, 2007

F it all >.
Well, I went to Wal*Mart the other day. Ran into a friend that doesn’t exactly live near where I do. So, it was kind of odd seeing him there; running into him like that. I soon found out later what he was doing there, and why he was in the area. I was shocked… still don’t know it I believe him fully…


But, that’s no what I’m here to type about. I had mention a friend’s name, and well… I found out something interesting about him. Which, our friend had told my friend [that I ran into Wal*Mart] about.

He was trying to score with me.

Which explains a few things… a lot of things, actually. All those time he wanted to hang out with me… He just wanted to see if he can “score” with me.

Yet again, I was being used. How many times would this one make? I’ve lost count now. Mostly every guy that I’ve met has used me in some way or another, or in some type of form—cheating, trying to score one, or betted on whom gets me first.

It doesn’t hurt, however. Being use to it by now and all.

I’ve been played with so many times, I’ve become some Toy for everyone—not just guys trying to score, but others as well now—to use.

Makes me want to abuse my body. What difference would it make if I did?

I’m living up to my life’s title…

Life’s Little Toy —
To be used, abused, and played with.

Today was hell at work. I don’t want to talk about it, I’m so pissed off. Family has been kinda annoying and pissing me off, too.

Life has been… well, Hell… for lack of better word.

Work has been stressful as ever.

Home… has been annoying, like always.

I want to quit work. I don’t need all that stress. I got more than enough from school, and I sure as heck don’t need any more of it. Plus, I get a handful more at home on top of all that annoyance. And let’s not forget about the bull crap I receive from work, too. All of the pile up on one another with a few other things here and there… it’s just not worth it. It’s not worth staying in that work. It’s not worth staying with my family.

All this is making me get headaches everyday now. It’s getting to the point where I don’t do anything and they just come and start pounding. Then there are those dizzy spells I get after working at the end of the day. Like the headache, they too come when I’m not doing anything. I’d just be sitting on the computer chair and suddenly things seem to feel weird. Makes me think I have some stress related illness. I wouldn’t be surprised if I do.

I’m so tempted to do things right now, just to end it all.

Like quitting. If I do quit, I just can become a nanny in FL for my aunt. She wants one, and even said that she wanted to hire me. So… I could just simply call her up, ask if I can and then pay for my own ticket there, and my stuff there, too, without my parents knowing. Well, my mom at least for a bit. My dad won’t care… he can take me to the airport. That way, I’ll be away from this family, but still have a job. –nods- Sounds good, ne?

Another thing is… Well, let’s not talk about it. But, for once… I really, really want to do it. Sure, I’ve thought about it many times, but always told myself ‘Nah, this isn’t worth it… Not now.’ Yet, now… with all this crap-stuff going on, it seems like now would be a good time to start. It’ll be my new stress reliever. Since music is kind of failing at it… with all the new bull crap and stuff. And, I don’t care what anyone thinks about it. So don’t come talking to me about how I shouldn’t do it, tying to stop me. It was bound to happen sooner or later anyways.

Gah, I’m not feeling so well now. Headache, feel like throwing up… blah. So, I’m going to go now.

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Sunday, December 10, 2006

Your thoughts, please?
Summary:

_____ [name of world (gotta think of one. >>; )]…a world where people live a simple life style. Though, a simple life style they live, their technology and science are far more advanced than any other world has. Scientists have discovered what it takes to create a portal to other dimensions of other worlds. Technologists created the technology to create the portal. Together, it creates what they call a ‘Dimension Portal.’

With this new successful invention, the scientists travel through it, going to many different worlds. They study each different world they go to, doing research, gathering information, and, if they could, bring back a creature from each world to study them further. Which, only a few they were able to do that.

This is the world that you live in. Though, you have no memory of ever growing up there, or of having a family live there either. You have no memory of any of that. However, you suppose you wouldn’t have a family… being a creation from said scientists and all… The earliest memory you have is waking up in the laboratory, besides the a few minutes of the cold, black abyss you were in.

You only stay there about two weeks before deciding to get the heck out of there with the help of a friend. Though to where, you have no clue; you just run. Until, that is, your friend tells you who he really is and why he helped you escaped.

Now, you must travel through the Dimension Portal to the other worlds, to learn of the… ‘powers’ you’ve gotten from each of them, learn how to use and control them. And you do so, not only ‘cause of your ‘helpful friend’ said so, but also to get revenge for yourself on the scientists for creating the way you are.

Meeting new people, making new friends as well as enemies, facing many challenges to over come… this is your journey.




Yeah, that's a summary... of a new story I'm currently working on. Er, actually just started like a few days ago. Two and ½ pages so far... >>; Eh-heh. I wrote the summary first, which I don't really do. And I suck at summaries!

Anyways... I wanna know what you people think! Please?!?!!
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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

>.>;
Woah... How I ever forgot about this place... AGAIN!

Dunno why I would forget such a place.

Hmm... ah wells.

Nothing much going on with me. Just... I have a job now, and I fucking hate it. But, I'm not going to go into detail with that. I'll only get piss off again. And I don't want that right now.

Soooo.... I'm just going to go now.

Ja ne! (If I don't forget about this place again ^^;)
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Monday, July 24, 2006

Freaking 'rents

Dude, you know what really sucks about my life right now? I’m 18 and graduated, yet my parents still have control over me and what I do. Their only excuse is that I’m still “living under their roof.” Which, technically isn’t really theirs, as they don’t pay for it… the government does. Anyways, that’s not the point… They tell me to look for a job, I look. I find a job I’m interested in doing, they tell me I can’t do it. What. The. HELK?! Okay, so it’s a bartender job, and my mom’s a little paranoid about it. But, it’s at hotels and stuff like that… nothing really bad is going to happen about it. Of course, they tell me that I can’t do it until after I call them and get the stuff. They better not expect me to call to cancel and return the stuff. If they don’t want me to do that job, they will do that part. I’m not about to call them again just to tell I can’t do it, right after I just called them not to long ago. It’s what they want, so they’ll do it. Not me. Pissed me off too much already.

That’s not the only thing they did about this ‘find a job’ thing… I found another job, and my dad didn’t want to take me so I could apply. I don’t have the car, he does. I don’t know where it is, he can find it. I highly doubt I could find the place in this big city; it’s so confusing to me. He’s the one who wanted to move here, so the least he could do is take me to the place. He knows his way around this city and can find a place easy. I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. So, if they want me to find a job, they can at least help in some ways, since they do seem to have control over my life. And on top of that, they think it’s a job I can do. Yet, still NO help from them at all.

Not only that, they wouldn’t let me go visit my friend in CA. Again, they bring up the excuse that I’m still “living under their roof.” I don’t see why still living under ‘their’ roof has to do with anything about me going to visit my friend. It’s not like they were going to pay for any of it. I only needed a ride to the airport and be picked up, which my brother said he would do (unlikely), so they didn’t really have to do anything at all. I really don’t see why I need their permission to go some where, now that I’m 18.

Kami, I can’t wait to get out of this house. Away from them… I don’t know when that’s going to be, but I do know that it’s going to be as soon as I have enough money to move away. Where will I move to? That I’m not sure of either. I just know it’s going to be in another state than where they are living. Maybe back to Colorado Springs, where I at least know how to get around some of the city. Plus, I still have friends that live there. I’m sure they’ll help me out a little… maybe. If they remember me still. Gah, oh wells.

Maybe I should just put the gun against my head and blow my brains out now. That way, they don’t have to help me get a job or tell me not to have a certain job. They won’t have to provide to me anymore, and I’m sure they won’t mind. I mean… I’m no use to them anymore, now that I’m 18 I don’t rake in that child money… whatever that’s called.

ANYways…. FILE DELETING TIME!!! Since I seem not to be able to write well...

>>> Documents:

File Name: My Writings

>>>>> My Writings

File Name: Growing Pain of Love

>>>>>>>> Growing Pain of Love

Delete?

::YES! -clicks-

File Deleted.

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Friday, June 16, 2006

   Eh...
Hitting, smashing, bashing, breaking...

I fear it's my own life that I'll soon be taking…

When I should have done it when I had plan to… on May 26, 06. But I didn’t… ‘cause I thought life would get better and be different then it was then. Thought people would actually care. Yet, I see now that it would have been for the better if had actually gone through with it. Better for you and for me. And I see that it’s all the same… as it was meant to be.

Uncared for, unwanted, and unneeded. That’s how my life is… and will always be.

But, I get tired of it. Going through it day after day… it gets so sickening. Can’t take much more of it.

Call me a coward, a weakling, or whatever. Let it be that I am one. I must be one for you to call me that. Let it be true then. I only agree ‘cause disagreeing causes arguments… something I try to avoid, you know?

But, I see now that agreeing ‘causes problems, too.

So, before I make life miserable for anyone else… I’ll take my life away. You’ll be happy that I did it, and we all know it. I won’t be around to bring your day down anymore, and you’ll enjoy that.

The only thing anyone would miss… is the fact that they can’t use me anymore.

After all… that’s what I was meant to be… A toy for everyone’s use and amusement.

Well, I’m not going to let that happen to me anymore…

So, tonight, here in about few minutes… I’ll be taking more than one pill with the burning one my wrists. Let’s just pray to the Devil that it’ll work and that Death—unlike so many times before—will actually come to take me anyway this time.

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