Saturday, September 22, 2007

   The ones who deserve everything.
Many thoughts raced through my mind as to what one can do to recieve that which they are meant to have. I've gone through my days seeing what others are made of. What drives some to do such things? Some for attention, some to show off, others to have a good laugh. But what about the person that fixes or does a job and quickly dissappears. Does anyone see him? Does anyone notice what accomplishments have been made? Does anyone ever notice a sad face? A person might put their head in their hands and others would jsut look for a brief second then look away. Does anyone see the problem? I do, the person is of great sorrow, sadness, a hurtful stage maybe. As the class ends does anyone ask that person what's wrong? Does anyone stop to even give a second look? Me I saw, I noticed, and I did something. But most of all I felt something. Shared that persons pain, sadness, or suffering. I looked on with a face that of my own. A face that was filled with sadness not for this person but with this person. Getting up and moving to the front of the class letting others quickly run out of the class to get to their various destinations. I walked over and I saw that the person was getting up, eyes to the floor, lifeless movements almost, and a deep sadness written on their face. I stopped in front of the person, looked with the same sadness almost feeling as if I were a mirrior. I called the person's name with softness and shyness. "Are you alright?" "Is there something wrong?" No answer was given but mumbled words were heard over the voices of even louder ones. "Yeah, I guess so..." "No nothing's wrong..." My face filled for a second with a smile thinking I would cheer the peron up for asking. But then quickly receeded when an empty, sad answer rung back to me clearly. Something's wrong! A person I cared for with all my heart was sad. What could I do? Can I say anything? Do anything? How can I help? Before I knew something was wrong I cared for her. I reminded her of having a good night's sleep and that I wuved her. That I was a silly person. One that never failed to try and remind her of what I feel. But after the day of sadness. I didnt turn my back. I stepped forward when no one else was near. I told her that if she needed anything at all jsut ask. But nothing was asked. Then one Saturday I sent her a message of how was she. "Fine I guess." Once again I felt sad, "Is anything wrong?" "No..." The next thing I knew I was telling her I was going to go to see her. She said no but I cared too much to let her feel sad. I hopped into my truck and drove with the needle next to Empty. I went around trying to remember where her house was and jsut stopped at a random house. Got out and walked up the street in hopes to see her. A few minutes past and nothing... I walked back to my truck but not to give up but to wait. Just wait. I slowly made it to my truck and I saw out of the corner of my eye a house that I didnt know. It was the house I stopped my truck in front of. I started up the drive way thinking if she doesnt find me I'll ring every house til I find her. Half way to the door, it opened, and I saw her. A smile plastered to my face still walking, seeing a smile on hers. Said my hellos then gave her a hug. We talked after that then I gave her a hug again for goodbye. I frequently remind her that if she is sad I'm gonig to hug her. I Say it with meaning and do it with care. She still has sadness within her but I still have care, love, and a hug to give her. I find those that need me. I try and care with all my being. But it still hurts when I wake up crying to a dream of unappreciation, being unloved, being left behind and forgotten. I woke up crying this day because I saw her in my dreams caring for another guy. New record for depression for me to see them hold hands and seeing that they are happy. But me I stood there watching, then turned my head knowing she's once again happy. Crying in my dreams and in my sleep. Because im selfsih enough to wonder why I'm never happy.
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