Monday, November 5, 2007

..........
I dont know what to do anymore. the whole meli thing has gotten way to out of hand. i can feel the strain its putting on my relationship with korey. i never ment for all of this to happen and its all happening over nothing at all. i dont want to lose korey... and im afraid to... i cant even tell him how i really feel because i dont know how hell take what id tell him. hes already saying im to clingy... and i realize where he would get that from. we talk everyday... but its not like i HAVE to talk to him... its just the only thing that makes me happy.... hes really all i have right now. my mom isnt very reliable, my dads a no go he lives in pa and hes abusive, my stepdads never home and he doesnt like me very much, i hate my best friend and i think shes annoying but i put up with her because before korey she was all i had but in reality we cant stand to be around each other very long so in reality i guess i really have nothing..... i dont have anyone i coud really call a friend.... but because of that... koreys slipping away from me...he has other friends and i understand he wants to spend time with them... but i only see him once or twice a week. i mean yes i do ta,lk to him EVERY day but thats just because theres nothing else that makes me happy... My life at home is shit and all i can do for any form of happiness is watch my anime and escape into a world that doesnt really exsist and that fades as soon as the episodes over. at school i go to my classes but im not really friends with anyone. ill just read a book to escape from reality. and then theres work... which was ok untill i realizesd meli worked in the same store right behind me. and all the looks she gives me make me feel very uncomfortable and im not really friends with many ppl there either i mean i joke around with some of them but none of them mean anything to me. and then with korey he says im not a bad thing in his life... but its hard for me to see me doing any good for him.... because of me he may have lost two friends....hes using up his gas and money when he sees me..... and im apparently taking up his alone time... i never ment to be such a bother.... and i he leaves me.... even if hes sAYS ITS NOT... IM SURE IT WILL BE MY FAULT... IM AFRAID HELL LEAVE ME FOR THINKING THIS WAY... BUT... IF YOUVE READ HIS BLOG... IT SAYS QUIET CLEARLY HE DOESNT WANT TO BE IN A RELATION SHIP IF THERE ARE DOUBTS... AND EVEN THOUGH HE KNOWS MORE OF THE STORY THEN MELI DOES AND ALL OF WHAT I KNOW... HE STILL HAS DOUBTS.... sry about the caps but im to tired and out of it to retype it.... i havent eaten in about two days... and im just hoping ill be better by tomorrow....i may be going about this the wrong way but im not going to call text im or email him unless its in response to him doing ne of those.... i think it will be for the best.... thats all im gonna say for now.... it may be from being sick or crying but im really sleepy so gnight
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