Sunday, December 11, 2005

   heh...
hey guys...sorry it's taken so long for me to update...again...but here i am!

i gave blood on friday...loads of fun, lemme tell ya...lol...i was a little nervous because it was my first time (every other time i was too young), but i knew it wouldn't be a big deal, since i've never had any problems with needles. my best friend, on the other hand...was a complete wreck...i actually MADE her give blood; I'M the one that signed her up to do it. i know, i know...that's really mean, but it was for a good cause! her blood could save a life! but anyway, we went into the library of our school (where our blood drive was taking place, obviously) and we read the infomation about it that we were required to read, and took our numbers. she noticed that, according to our numbers, she would be going before me. this really didn't make her happy...
"Kendra, switch me numbers!"
"No! Why?"
"So you can go before me."
"Are you kidding me?"
"No. Switch me numbers! You have to go before me!"
"What, do you think you're going to die if you go first?"
"Yes."
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?"
"Well, I need to know it's safe."
"So, I'm your test dummy?"
"Yes."
yeah, well, it was completely fine...at least for me. before you give blood, you get your finger pricked to check the iron in your system, and let me tell ya, that prick hurt 10 times as much as the big needle...i was completely done filling up a pint bag in just six minutes....i was really happy, and felt like i didn't need to sit down and eat cookies and drink juice for 15 minutes...but then...about two and a half hours later, i couldn't hardly move...i felt like i was dying...i even had to be escorted to my classroom from a drinking fountain about 50 feet away by an adult because it seemed as though i was about to fall over...*shrugs* i'm ok now...

here's the poem for today...
"How?"
What’s wrong with me?
Why is it that, whenever you’re with me,
I’m on cloud nine?
You confuse me.
How can anyone so ordinary, so normal,
Create a reaction so extraordinary?
You broke me down, you made me laugh,
But how?
Everyone else failed in conscious attempts to do the same,
How did you do it? Tell me, please!
How did you make me smile?

Hope you like it!
...darkraven...
Comments (1) | Permalink

Sunday, November 27, 2005

   worries...
well, yeah. i guess i'm a tad worried. about a lot of stuff. i'm worried that one of my friends (and my crush) is with a girl that i know is not good for him...i'm worried that i'm going to self destruct from all the stress i'm under...i'm worried that i'm falling behind on my schoolwork because i've been too caught up on my personal problems do it...i'm worried about getting into colleges...i'm worried about my future...my life...i'm worried that i'm not going to end up happy...and i'm worried that i'm going to die alone...

ok, so, enough about that...hm...i guess i don't have too much more to talk about other than that right now...so i guess i'll just get to today's poem...
"Feeling"

I feel nothing.
My heart is cold,
Made this way by uncaring time.
I am numb,
Feeling nothing.
No joy,
No sorrow.
No anger,
No jealousy.
My heart is a block of bleeding ice.
Pain connot be measured,
Only by how it feels.
No, not feels, felt.
Staring straight ahead.
No emotions.
Only bleak emptiness,
In the dull green depths of my eyes.
I feel nothing . . .

Ciao...
...darkraven...
Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

   ...
ok, so yeah. again i don't really know what to say. i could go on and on about that boy problem i told you guys about the other day, but i don't want to put you guys through that kind of torture...

well, i guess i could tell you about something that i just learned today...

i have just discovered that my best friend has a lot of dreams. 90% of them include me as a main character. 95% of those dreams also feature a guy that i had kind of a summer "thing" with that i still have rather strong feelings for. 99.9% of the dreams that feature both of us consist of he and i making-out throughout the entire dream. i find this absolutely HILARIOUS. actually, i find it rather intriguing, too. hm. now that i think about it, i'm quite suspicious about it as well; could it be a sign of some sort, telling my best friend that he and i are meant to be together? or is it just my best friend's subconscious (which wants the aforementioned guy and i to be together) playing out possible scenarios in her head? i guess no one will ever know...

here's the poem for today, sorry that it's really short...

"Darkness falls
The whole world is at peace
Except me..."

Hope you liked it! (sorry it's so short!)
...darkraven...

Comments (1) | Permalink

Sunday, October 23, 2005

   *shrugs*
OK, so yeah. I don't really know what to say today...I'm a tad bit upset...not going to go into details about it...all I'll say is that a guy did it to me...*shrugs* oh, well...life goes on, right? I hope it does, at least...*sighs*

OK, so yeah. I'm not a big fan of the majority of the male species. They changed me too much...I was so content with my life before last summer; I was the one my friends ran to for help with their boy problems, they would come to me when they wanted someone to cheer them up and dis whatever guy had hurt them. I was a cold-hearted b*tch...and I was OK with that...then all of a sudden one the "enemy" broke through my frosty barrier and made me care...now I can be hurt, and have been...and I don't like it...then I made the mistake of falling for a friend...and he told me that he's liked me for a long time...but he has a girlfriend...so we can't be together...and in the halls at school, every single time i see him, i actually have to remind myself to breathe...he literally takes my breath away...i can't stand it! I'm so fragile now! My heart has been broken twice now...it's been truly crushed...both times I cried so long my eyes began to burn from a lack of tears, but the sobs still wracked my body...I want to be my old self again!

OK, so here's today's poem...
"What Am I?"

What am I?
I am yesterday; remembering the past and anticipating the future.
I am today; living life minute by minute.
I am tomorrow; always waiting for something that will never come.
I am porcelain; one wrong move and I'll break.
I am a wasp; small, only stinging when provoked.
I am the moon; a light engulfed in everlasting darkness.
I am fire; providing warmth from afar, but scalding hot when in close contact.
I am numb; I feel nothing, only pain.
I am cold; my heart is made of ice.
I am independent; alone, secretly wishing that someone cared.
What am I?
That's for you to decide.

Hope you liked it...
...darkraven...
Comments (2) | Permalink

Friday, October 21, 2005

   um... heh...
OK, so yeah. It's been FOREVER since I've updated, I know, and I'm SO SORRY about that! I don't really know what to say...Well, I'm a senior in high school now and loving all (well, almost all) of my classes, especially Creative Writing II. I'm also in Mythology, and am kind of a know-it-all in that class... my classmates aren't very fond of the fact that I know all the answers to the questions our teacher asks...lol...so yeah, I know I haven't posted since last December, so I'll tell you that my 2005 summer was great! I spent a lot of time with my best friend, got a love intrest that died away when school started...the usual stuff...lol so yeah, I'm going to keep up with the poem posting if that's OK with everyone...and here's a new one...

"Why?"
The only thing I can ask is why,
Did you just get the urge to make someone cry?
Even if you did, why's it have to be me?
I thought I was all that you could see!
I guess I was wrong, that's obvious now,
You have a real knack for putting me down.
How do you feel, now that this has been done?
Do you honestly think that something's been won?
Are you happy? My protective mask has been taken,
When I'd heard what had happened I was visibly shaken.
You should've seen though; you'd get a laugh from my tears,
From seeing me face a whole life's worth of fears.
Why would you do this, I thought you were better!
I should stop now, I know, before my face gets any wetter.
But I can't! Don't you see? I can't endure this much pain!
And you did this because you had something to gain?
I thought you cared, I honestly did.
And all of my friends just think you're a kid.
So I'll ask again, just one word, and that's "Why?"
Did you have the urge to make me cry?

Well, hope you liked it! I'll try to update more often!
...darkraven...
Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, December 20, 2004

   another new poem...
Invisible

To people I'm just invisible,
Just a shadow on the ground.
They see right through me just the same,
As if I'm not around.
No one understands,
And no one really seems to care.
They all just go through life,
As if I'm just not there.
One day I'll show them who I am,
Without a trace of hate.
I'll show them me and no one else,
One day when I am great.
I know they won't remember me;
I'm the one they didn't know.
The one they made invisible,
The one who was alone.
I am the freak, the outcast,
For me, not one person cared.
They saw my eyes, so full of pain,
And into them they stared.
I went through life not seen or heard,
Without a single friend.
There's nothing more for me to do,
I want the pain to end.
I see a shadowy figure,
As I'm walking down the street.
A slender face with anxious eyes,
I really want to meet.
He stops and stares right where he stands,
Surprise is in his eyes.
I know that I must look the same,
As I glance up to the skies.
This boy, it seems, is just like me,
I know what this must mean.
I've found someone who really cares,
A shoulder on which I can lean.
Invisible we are,
And invisible we'll stay.
Together we will be,
I don't mind being this way.
Comments (3) | Permalink

Sunday, December 5, 2004

A new poem (hope you like it)
Depression biding time away,
Eating desperately at my sanity.
Eyes all around boring down on me,
A room full of therapists and shrinks I see.
"Leave me alone!" I cry in vain,
I know they will not leave.
My spirit ebbs, my individuality dies,
As my words fall on deaf ears.
I will myself to not give in,
To show weakness would be fatal.
I squeeze back tears and choke back sobs,
In hopes that they'll go away.
The therapist that's meant for me,
Steps forward on triumphant feet.
"I have no problems! My mind is fine!"
I scream aloud, but to no avail.
With a reassuring hand outstretched,
He closes the distance between us.
With all the strength that I could find,
I tried once more to scream.
"No!" I bellowed to an empty room,
With only my belongings inside.
Twisted sheets and sweat-soaked pillows,
Accompany me on my bed.
I sigh in relief that it was just a dream,
"Or nightmare," I gravely say.
I lay back down and drift away,
My mind at ease once more.

That's it! I hope you liked it. If you think of any ideas for a title, I would greatly appreciate any suggestions. Let me know what you think of it, good or bad.
Ciao!
...darkraven...
Comments (2) | Permalink

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

   back once more...
i hope you all like my new color scheme...it's completely different from anything else i've done...but my poems will stay the same...i hope you like this one...

"A Dream"
She weeps when she thinks she's alone,
Although she rarely is.
Her pain, unchallenged by anything else,
Goes unseen by those around.
She dreams of a life without the pain,
With people she could love.
Her friends don't see that she needs help,
More than a few kind words.
The dream she wants so much to come true,
Is close, but just out of reach.
She's willing to go further than others would,
Too far though, some would say.
All she wants is to be understood,
Is that too much to ask?
An oddball some would say she is,
Just another lost cause.
She wants an escape from the life she leads,
A chance to change her path.
A friendly face she hopes to see,
With loving arms open wide.
'Someone who understands,' she thinks,
'Someone that will listen to me.'
As hard as it may seem to be,
A friend with an open mind.
The dream I hope won't fade away,
When I see that the girl is me...


Comments (2) | Permalink

Friday, September 17, 2004

   i'm back!!
I know it's been a long time since I've posted a poem, and some people, *cough*dposse*cough*, have been quite impatient with me...lol. Well, I don't know what to call this one, but here it is, let me know how you like it...

In and out of time I drift,
From here to there and back again.

With a heavy heart within I observe,
Though unseen by those I'm observing.

They cry and weep about things they've done,
While I just sit there and watch.

Since no one watches me, I sit,
And weep alone in the dark.

"I'm sorry for the way I am!"
I scream to the empty black sky.

It's effortless to let the tears flow down,
My effort's put into keeping them inside.

I'm helpless, hopeless, with no one around to care,
To the emptiness around, I call, "Help me! Please help!"


Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

   Nothing much... just posting
Hey, sorry that the last poem was really morbid... I wrote it awhile ago.

If you have read any or all of my other posts concerning my parents and/or my insomnia problems, I am getting help, so it's not so bad anymore. Yeah, I still get into fights with my family, but they aren't that bad, and I haven't lost my temper in awhile. As for my insomnia, it's gone: I'm actually getting to sleep and waking up at healthy hours of the night and day. Thank you SO much for all of your concern and support (I know this sounds kinda formal and business-like, but it's NOT supposed to be like that ^_^).

*cries* Schooll starts for me in a very short, *whimpers* 15 days, and my class registration is in an even shorter, *whines* 5 days. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK YET!!! *sobs into shoulder of nearest person* Life is going to be so hectic for me after it all starts again, it won't even be funny, although I will be laughing at myself quite a bit, I'm sure...
sayonara...
...darkraven...
Comments (1) | Permalink