Sunday, July 15, 2007

hehe

	Yeah I know I said i was going to post yesterday but I was sleeping LOL It was so much fun. The concert was awesome. Alexisonfire kicked ass and Billy Talent just owned it. They came out for an encore too. We were shouting and banging down on our seats so loud they came out for three more songs. It was awesome. I bought two shirts the line was really long :/ but we got them during die mannequin. We saw the first part of their set though so sa'll good haha We had binoculars xD Like our seats weren't that far I could make out the features on their face and they looked almost normal size not ants haha But I like could look backstage with them and saw Ian (from billy talent) watching the other bands haha It was amusing. (With the binoculars I could see right up to their faces haha some of them looked like they were staring right at me xD) Not as amusing as the kid in front of me he made it so obvious he was smoking a joint and security came and kicked him out ooohh owned! lol So yeah Beyblader I know your seeing Alexisonfire in like 2-3 days it's going to be awesome! yes xD so thats how I spent my weekend :p

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Thursday, July 12, 2007

yo

	hey guys getting on here just for a bit ^_^ Tomorrow is my concert ooo excited xD I also was designing stickers heres the first design its the punk: xD I really like it. I colored everything but the Mohawk in fabrics. It also says do not copy on this sample because... I don't want you to copy :/ that simple haha. I'm going to make the stickers soon. Use it for a bunch of stuff. And magnets etc. It's going to be a whole series. I've drawn the emo, the skater, the rocker, the nerd, and the prep so far. xD yeah so be back Saturday and such~ Cheers~

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Tuesday, July 10, 2007

hello everyone

	Hey everyone I just want to say I'm still alive. Just busy with summer school. It ends on the 31st so I'll post more then. I'll be posting Saturday about my concert on Friday though haha xD well how is everyone? I haven't had the time to go to sites :p

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Thursday, July 5, 2007

.....

	You see what I'm trying to beat isn't a video game. I hope none of you thought that. Who gets depressed over a video game. It's a an impulse disorder called Trichotillomania. I've been trying to beat it for 7 years now. After seven years I still haven't beat it. I've been pulling out my eyelashes, eyebrows occasionally, and nose hairs. Sometimes hair on my arms. Some you may think it's not that bad not having eyelashes. Well thats not true. It's horrible. Every time I look in the mirror I cry. I can't wear makeup on my eyelids without looking stupid and my eyes don't get as much attention as others. I look dull without them. I just look really dull. I get scared every time I let myself pull some eyebrows. I get angry If I do. Go home cry in my room. More pulling just occurs. I don't want to look in the mirror one day and be terrified of the person I see. I just imagine every day what it would be like if I did have eyelashes. Would I look prettier? would I actually like myself?. I even question why I do it. Maybe it's depression, stress I don't know what it is. It's just confusing to me and the people around me. How long will this last? I'm not sure. I just proved to myself that my attempts usually fail. I could go longer but I'd just cave in the end. I need some sort of alternative option. I don't know what but I need something to do to occupy my hands so I don't pick at things. I'm just glad I haven't gone and pulled hair off the top of my head. I don't know what I'd do with myself if that occurred. Maybe I'd actually die. Oh well. I know a lot of you have told me not to give up. But it's really hard you know. This is like some fucked up addiction. You can't fully recover without therapy. I'm NOT doing that. If it comes to that though I probably will. I know I can probably beat this by myself but it's really hard. Sometimes I do it without knowing it. I'm just sitting there watching TV then I notice that I've been pulling after 5 minutes. Then even people don't understand you. they go "what the hell? you have no eyelashes!" "Mich has no eyelashes!" "I'm so angry I'm going to pull out all my eyelashes"(chick from math who sat behind mocking me she then began to giggle with her friend...same one who called me an anti social bitch). It's all causes sleepless nights. I've begun to care too much about my appearance. This is what people can do to you these days. I'm sorry again for a whole week of depressing posts but I can't help it I need help... I really do...

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Wednesday, July 4, 2007

heyo

	well summer school was today it was ok. Get home and destroy what I've been trying to beat for 8 days in ten minutes. After I even realized it all the eyelashes I'd managed to grow back in 8 days are now gone. I feel so worthless. I can't beat anything. This is just so stupid. I feel like cutting off my hand thats how sick I feel. I need something to distract me I really do. I don't know why I just well up like this and it just happens. I always cave. I can't fucking beat it. I feel like I'm sick. Like I'm so sick you can't help me. It's even worse that I start school again. What am I going to do. I'll just go to bed. It's not like I can do anything now. All that hard work wasted...

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Monday, July 2, 2007

well.

	Today is a little better I still feel like crap but I feel better, I've gone a whole week without picking my eyelashes I'm happy about that. Theres something there now even though it's not a lot. I was also surprised to find that there were people on here with the same problem. I've had this problem since the 4th grade. I woke up at 3 today. Meaning I've only been up for like 7 hours today. And I'm going to go to bed soon once my sister is out of my room. She just broke up with her boyfriend so she's indulging in all my stuff, I.E my TV, DVD player, video games etc. I do feel bad for her. She's been going out with this guy for a really long time. I don't know how she feels right now because I've never been in a relationship. It confuses me. Just as long as she doesn't look everywhere in my room and find my notebook. That would be embarrassing. Seeing as I've written a lot of depressing things in there. My dad wants me to wash my wrist bands so now I'm sitting here typing without them. My wrists feel cold... argh. Summer school in two days. Billy Talent and Alexisonfire in 10 days. well till something else happens to me... Cheers~

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Sunday, July 1, 2007

...

	I know I haven't posted something where I've been angry at someone in a while and If you don't want to read something depressing you can just ignore me. You know I'm thinking of just giving up. For years now I've always felt like I'm the last person my parents care about. They have my sister. She's successful she got straight A's all through elementary and she got high 90's all through high school. Then there’s me. The middle child. My younger sibling is the boy. All I get is C's and D's throughout elementary if I ever get higher than that it's a miracle. Then I go to high school and I end up failing a class. They are always asking me why can't I get the achievements my sister is getting? Am I stupid? What’s wrong with me? I constantly get reminders of how stupid I am and how much my sister is better than me. Just the other day when she came back from grad she had achievement awards and my parents were flaunting these awards at me like they expected me to do the same thing. It's always the same thing over and over. I'm always the one who fails miserably. They probably hate me and despise the fact I can't do what my sister can do. Even my brother does better than me. To make it worse all I do is get tormented at school anyways because of my problem with picking my eyelashes. Well that’s a result of all the pressure maybe. It's I guess an alternative to cutting myself. I hate this so much. And what I have friends who can back me up? NO. I don't. My friends hate me they always have I didn't even do anything wrong. Maybe they just think I'm pathetic. Even all of them do better in school than me. They get attention from their parents. They probably don't want to hang out with me just because of what other people say about me. This is so stupid, why am I here? I'm just pathetic, stupid, and worthless. I should just die or something. I hate this so much. I go to bed in tears every night because I can't do anything right. Even this morning they yelled at me about all these stupid things. I'm always the one getting blamed. I just want this to stop. I'm in tears right now because I know it probably won’t change until I can find a way to make my parents happy. I probably wont they don't care nobody cares I bet none of you care about anything I've said in this post. I don't care. I guess I'll just go on not caring about anything then I can be forgotten so I don't have to put up with this...

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Saturday, June 30, 2007

argh...

	My head hurts so bad... haha I was up really late last night. I decided I was going to chug a energy drink at midnight... oh god what an idiot even when I went to my bed at like 3 in the morning I didn't get to sleep till like around 6. NEVER DO THAT NEVER! Well I spent my time while I was up chatting to people. Un till the servers crashed *shoots self* *comes back to life* Eh oh well then I just decided to watch Berth(the used CD/DVD thingy) and laughed my ass off. Jeez you should watch it it's funny and the live performance was awesome too. As I was watching it though this big ass bug came and flew into the computer screen. I just saw it sit there on the mouse pad and I covered it with paper. I was talking to someone on msn and they kept saying I should crush it. What!? Who wants bug guts all over their computer desk not me thats for sure. I poked it with a pen and it ran behind the computer and just sat there forever. Oh well. Well If I didn't get to any of your posts yesterday it was because I went shopping all day. I finally found the one MCR poster I didn't have. So I'm satisfied. Haha then me and my friend bought the Pokemon movie. oh sweet dude! Yeah it was fun got curly fries at arbys, etc. ^_^ Yes well today I'm taking it easy because like my head hurts so much after the crazy crash I have. (my head hurts so much that damn energy drink) so yeah. see you, CHEERS

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Wednesday, June 27, 2007

what the hell!?

	This is shocking I come on here this morning and every time I refresh there was a new comment. I was overjoyed. Thanks you guys haha Today again was very boring... Well actually I sent this chick that though I was emo a song. I wanted to mess with her. So guess what song I sent her? I'm a Fake by The Used. ohohoho heres the beginning: (warning for language ehe) Small, simple, safe price Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals And I am not afraid to die I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight. I want the pain of payment What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks Would you be my little cut? Would you be my thousand fucks? And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart Love is not like anything Especially a fucking knife Yeah oh I'm so mean. That made her think I'm very emo. I sent her some MCR after (which isn't emo) and she liked then. She didn't even know who they were xD hahaha So yeah besides from that I chilled and ate some ice cream and stuff. Saw the Video on Trial with I don't love you haha ouch Divorce their lead singer how mean. lol I'm going to go listen to that song now. I like it actually. EDIT: KuteKittyKyo I made these three I know they suck you can kill me. ^_^;; If you actually decide to use one (I doubt) credit please :p EDIT 2: And SnowAngel14 I made you these :p Don't worry If you don't like those ones I'm making more haha Enjoy hopefully :p ok, Cheers~

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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Ok then.

	Today scared me. I was in the middle of working on the computer when everything shut down. The power didn't go out just my cable shut off. It lasted 20 minutes. I was panicking because I thought I did something wrong I got so stressed my nose started bleeding ahhhh Yeah it was an interesting day. Thats basically all that happened because no one really called me today. I got Paralyzed (the video playing right now unless you stopped it) stuck in my friends head. So I had to send it to them. That was around the time my cable shut off so I was all omgee she probably thinks I just signed off on her for no reason fwa fwa fwaaaa! Yeah and she said she has a The Used button she is going to give me. :0 She collects button btw. And because of my sudden panic attack didn't draw the chibis again. OK TOMORROW I PROMISE. Now I'm going to go download some more songs because my Ares decided to work again today. Yeah my downloading programs seem to hate me and stop working after a while my sisters work all the time. Oh well I'm going to go to Sam the record man's later this week. Try to spend as much time there before they finally close. It was a Toronto landmark I tell you good memories in that store *cries* well I hope you all had a nice day. I know mine was pretty intense! well not really lol Cheers~

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