Saturday, June 17, 2006

   SO MUCH FUN
Lol Last night was fun, didn't get back home till after 7am! Lol. And didn't wake up till 4pm! and tomorrow I'm working 9am till 1pm! LOL Im like so yeah! Lol. Well yeah...umm FUN! I'll probably tell you guys later. I know I'm not like my normal self but whatever! Bye
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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

   I haven't been posting much
I know that, I'm sorry, but I haven't been in the mood to really post anything. Sorry. But so many things are going on. One is that my lover, is trying to stop taking drugs. And I need to be there for him. But it's hard when we live so damn far away. Second, Green likes me again. He's liked me for a long time now. I don't want to break his heart, but if I don't. I will end up hurting myself, and my lover's. I need some help on what to do! Please help me... Third, I just started to take my pills, and I went to school today to get some stuff finished, Fuck I couldn't remember what the hell I was doing. I mean the pills were making me drained of engrey and what not. And the freaking teachers wouldn't let me leave, Cause I have to much fucking stuff to do. Whatever. That's the 4th thing. I have so much to do. I have to get it all done by tomorrow. Cause I want 2 days off...Fuck.
So many things are messed up! I don't want Green to love me! I don't want to be with anyone other then Lover! I don't want to hurt him, but I can't leave my lover. He means to much to me. He truely makes me happy. Green doesn't know when I'm happy or not. Lover does...I love him to damn much...Can someone help me here!? I'm going crazy...I need to go out...I need to be with lover...but I can't...Gah!...I'm going to shut up now...please help me...bye...
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Sunday, June 11, 2006

   Confused
You won't realize I'm gone, till you start to look for me...By the time you find me, I'll be fine, Cause I'll be done bleeding...

Don't mind that. I'm just not as happy as I was before. And that came to my mind, so I thought I should write it done, For I might use it as a poem later.

Anyways, I am confused about so much in my life right now. First my brother who is being stupid. He can't get over his ex. So he dumped his awesome girlfriend. I mean fuck! Get over her! I mean sure you don't forget your first love/lover! But fuck she has moved on. So should you!
Second, is that I have to take the pills, even if I don't want to. But oh well.
Third is feelings. I love my guy, but I think someone else likes me, I am not sure. For I can't tell..
anyways. i dont' feel like typing now...so i'll talk later...bye
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Saturday, June 10, 2006

Went out last night
Well last night, I went out with my friend Rachael, and meet her boyfriend, and friends. Also went to the doctor's. I'll talk first of the doctor's visit. Then about the meeting the friends and what not.

Ok, well the doctor's visit. I went yesterday to the doctor's and I got some pills, for my depression. And also for my sleeping problem. I am starting the pills after I am done school. Because my mom doesn't want me to fall asleep during my one class. For I have to take the sleeping one, twice a day. My mom told the doctor that I wanted to take the pills...But to tell all of you the truth. I never wanted to take them. I am only doing this to make my mom happy.

But anyways, I shall now talk of the meeting of friends, and the movie that we all saw.

After the doctor's. I went to the mall, to see my friend, Love. Also to meet her boyfriend, and friends. Well we were just hanging out around the mall. Which I don't like doing. But I just stayed there for Love. But anyways, her boyfriend, I like, he is alright for her. Yet it seemed like it didn't care if I liked him or not. But whatever, her friends were cool. I like Glasses more. He was funny. But anyways, the movie was awesome. Other than my leg was hurting as hell. But oh well.

Anyways, I'm just going to go now. Cause I don't feel like saying anything else about last night...So Cya, take care.
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Thursday, June 8, 2006

Thrown into nothing
Like my love for you
Never to be found
Forever lost.

That is just a short poem, sort of. I really don't know to tell you the truth. It sort of just came to me. But anyways, I have nothing to really say right now, since it's around 3am. I should be sleeping now, since I have to go to school in the morning, and also work in the afternoon. Well I don't want to keep you here, since I am talking nothing right now. However I know I was going to say something. But I do not remember what I was going to say. It was about next summer I know that.

Oh, I remember what is supposed to happen next summer. I am supposed to go and see my love. However my mom won't let me go by myself. So she must go, but she won't really be there. For she wants to go somewhere else. Which is good. For it gives me time to be with my love. I can't wait for next summer now. That is probably going to make me so happy. But I know Deep is going to do something. But Anyways, I have nothing else to write about right now. So I am going to go. And try and sleep.

OMG! I forgot to say. Bitch, is gone. Well for the night I think. I am not sure. But I am happy that the Bitch is gone for a while. Well now that's it. I shall talk to everyone later. Have a good day/night. Bye. Take care.
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Wednesday, June 7, 2006

This is a poem, that I wrote
This is a poem, for my love. I wrote it after telling him, what I did...he loved it very much. For it said how much I loved him and everthing. Like what he means to me...well You read and tell me what you think. Well it does not matter, cause he liked it alot, so thats all important.

To the one that I love.

My love for you goes on and on,
I can’t say how much I love you,
For words or actions can not touch,
How much. I’ve tried so many times,
Just to write out how much I love you,
It does not work. So this feeble poem,
Is a way of saying how much I love you,
You took my heart the very first time,
We talked. But I didn’t realize that,
And neither did you,
We’ve been together for so long,
I’m surprised at the most that we were,
Able to stay together, even if we live,
Far away from each other. Love so great,
That no one can stop us from being together,
But us. Love goes on and on,
Can not say how much I love you,
For words and actions can not touch how much,
I didn’t know that we were bound to be together,
But for how long is that question,
But that is a question I don’t want to know,
The answer to yet. Writing out, Drawing,
Nothing can show you how much I love you,
You mean everything to me. People think I am,
Stupid to wait to be with you, that I should go out,
With people. But I can’t. For that would be cheating,
I can’t for you have my heart, my soul,
You are my everything. I can’t be with,
Someone that doesn’t have that,
And I love you to damn much to do that,
Word, actions so hard to say that I love you,
But I hope you understand that,
I love you with everything that I got.

Love you forever and always
Dark
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Tuesday, June 6, 2006

how stupid can I be?
How stupid can I be? I shouldn't have fucking started again. You are probably wondering on what I am talking about. I am talking about Cutting, however this time, it's not on the arms, it's on the legs. People may think I am doing this for attention, but I'm not. I don't care what people think. If I did, I would not have this site. He is dissapointed in me. But it feels like he hates me, Feels like he doesn't love me now...But that can just be my fault...Probably is...Everything is my fault these Days...I can't go through one day without having a mistake and being yelled at for it...I wish I wasn't this weak anymore. I hate being weak. I want to be strong again. Pain inside is so strong..I don't know what to do anymore...He can't forgive me...I am stupid. I can't believe I did that...I should be hit...I should die...I made him mad at me, but he won't say it. But I can tell through his words...I gotta go...bye...
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Monday, June 5, 2006

   want her gone
I want her gone, she is annoying me so much. I have no room anymore. She has taken over my room, She takes my stuff. No one believe me that she lies to everyone...But finnaly a last night, She took Green's cd player and lied about it to him. My mom told me that she is going to talk to the councelor person. And to get her out of the house. I have no privacy, She called me a bitch...I don't care what people say. I won't be friends with her anymore. I need sleep. I can't sleep. It's all cause she is in my room. Well what was my room. I mean I can sleep if someone is staying for like a few nights but then going home, but with her. I can't sleep at all. I feel weird just to step in my room. It feels invaided or what not. Oh well that's enough posts for today.
If you have not noticed, I don't want to say my friends real names, so I use things. Stuff that may go with them, or some stuff that is just random.
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Does he truely care for me?
Sometimes it seems like he doesn't care. But most of the time, I know he truely loves me. It guess it's just cause we live so far away. I am confused about my ex, lets call him..hmm...BBQ. He broke up with me, but in a message, that he sent me. He said that "Dark, I would like to just be friends now, and perhaps later on, we can try and go out again I'll love you forever remeber that. ~BBQ~" I don't like him anymore. I'm sorry, but I love someone else now. I have loved him for a while. But I couldn't and still can't be with him, for he lives to far away. But he might be coming to see me next summer, I hope he can. For I love him a lot. You might think it's young love, but that is what you think. I know different. He cares if I am sad. He tries to make me happy, He tried to make me forget about things. I love him so much, he makes me happy even if i'm not with him. BBQ keeps phoning me...I want him to stop...I don't want to talk to him now...for a while. BBQ keeps wanting to say I love you to me. I don't want him to love me. I want him to move on. I already have in a way...I would be with someone now. But he lives to far. Oh well. At least he cares...I think..
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Sunday, June 4, 2006

   I want to get away
I want to get away from everything. I want to run away. I can't handle this much longer. I am supposed to go on the fucking Happy pill shit. I don't want to. I want to get away. I want to go see him. But he lives to far. I'm unhappy here, but when I talk to him. I am happy...I want to get away from everyone. Everything. I can't handle this much longer. People don't understand. Unlike him...he understands. He lets me talk. I just want to get away...
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