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• 1989-11-01
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• Female
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• My Fantasy Realm
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• 2008-01-20
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• living
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• Becca-kun

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• learning how to draw fan art!
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• my friend corrupted me into it
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• Fullmetal Alchemist, D.N. Angel
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• read more manga, draw more and dive into hard core cosplay
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• singing, texting




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myOtaku.com: DarkSuyama


Sunday, January 20, 2008

Such is the story of my life
"there was a time when men were kind. And their voices were soft and their words inviting. There was a time... then it all went wrong..."

For one a dreamer such as myself life holds many obstacles. Though none as dangerous or fatal as that of shattered confidence. Why is it that I seek approval from everyone but myself? Why do I feel I must prove that I'm good enough? The answers swim through my disjointed thoughts but I don't believe them. Whether I can't or won't is a matter of time.

I critisize and berate myself. Always asking and never believing. I don't trust what I know to be true. My value, my worth, my sexuality. My never ending spiral.

Life right now is a battle. Between living and surviving. I can survive on the basics but I'm used to a comforable life with treasures and presents. I have my family, I have my friends... What more should I need? I already know the answer but it seems so far away.

That is another part of my life. That which I want and need slips like a shadow between my fingers. Forever just beyond and eternally within my sight. A torture I crave...

On a less introspective note, I miss my friends. We always hang out at The Flying M (a coffee house that hosts gay nights on wednesdays) and the last three or four weeks I haven't been able to go because I've been working.

Speaking of work I'm trying to find a job that I can dye my hair purple so I can complete my cosplay of Dark for anime oasis without having to buy a really expensive wig. I'm currently conteplating balsa wood and feathers for wings... Ug. Now I just need balsa wood... oh, and feathers and about 48 hours and blue prints. All the things I don't have.

"I only want what I can't have. I only need what I don't want" another theme of my life...

So have i said to much? Or have I not said enough? I'll let you decide.
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