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• learning how to draw fan art!
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myOtaku.com: DarkSuyama


Tuesday, January 22, 2008

   "So many questions unanswered"
If there were words enough to equal all my emotions my list would reign over a kingdom. They exhaust me. One of these days I will wake up and feel nothing for having expired them all. All this is just one day. Isn't there a switch somewhere that will just shut off? Or a fuse that I can burn out? ANYTHING!?

I often wonder if I talk too much. When at work people always ask me what is going on in my life because I'm always listening. One friend told me that I just have a lot to say. This puts me at ease a bit. I'm just not sure why I have so much to share when really I have nothing at all. It's not like I don't talk... So amongst many words and feelings lie my troubles and pleasures. I'm not sure if the scales are tipped either way. There is definately both. I just wish there was more equivelent exchange between the two. Consistantly. Not in random unpredictable amounts. I think being bipolar has something to do with it.

So what makes the difference between an online journal and a private one? There seems to be something intriging about a virtual world that paper doesn't have. I haven't written in my journal recently at all for lack of interest. What is it I seek from something that seems so... well virtual for lack of a better word. While it was a dear friend who suggested I start this site, I didn't expect it to be so much fun. Having never had an online journal before. And I don't update my myspace blog much.

I feel like I'm swiming in a sea I don't belong in. Where things happen to me that before only happened to other people. I close parts of myself off but I keep finding new ones. My conflict of desires is constantly at work. So what is it that I truly want? or what I want at all for that matter. Perhaps I ought to spend some time trying to figure that out. Perhaps... again I don't know what I want. Freedom? A cage? Darkness or the light?

I love knowing what anyone has to say and I enjoy all the feedback I can get. I like to know others thoughts and feelings. If you think of anything please share it. I would like to hear from you who bothered to take the time to read what I have to say.
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