Thursday, February 7, 2008

   and there's dragons in the sky
WARNING: If you are in a really good mood please avoid reading this post. Or completely disengage yourself from any emotional connection with it. It will bring you down. Or just bring you down farther. Meh. Read at your own risk.

"And the rooster crows but nobody knows why, and there's dragons in the sky. And the red rain falls and envelops all. And it ends as it, as it began." From the CD NewClear by Euan Morton

Tonight is one of those nights when I wish my head would stop spinning. I haven't talked to Caleb yet... I'm not ready. But it is preying on my mind violently.

I was down and The Flying M last week and I was seriously flirting with this girl. And I was really comfortable with her, but I was looking more for physical comfort than anything. So when we were leaving IHOP (our tradition after being at the m) she tried to kiss me. I had no clue, being the genius I am, and she caught my cheek instead. I found out through a mutual friend that she really likes me. A lot. Which doesn't bode well for me. I had a date with her, which didn't happen because her dad got mad at for staying out too late. But we havn't spoken since and neither has tried to contact the other. The first chance I got I was going to tell her that I liked another girl (really liked). I have no choice that needs to be made. I know who I like and who I'm staying with. But I don't want to hurt the other girl. Oh... wait. I have a someone's voice in my head telling me that I just have to tell her how it is. She really is a nice girl, I feel really bad that I led her on. When did flirting become so dangerous? I haven't done anything on purpose to hurt anyone and I hope that she has enough of a head on her shoulders to realize that one night of flirting and one potential date does not constitute the begining of a serious relationship. So let's add that to my list of things to do. Number two; tell this girl that I'm not going to get into a relationship with her because I really like someone else. Right then. Moving on.

I double booked myself. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow at the same time that I have therapy. -_-' and I have to reschedule something. Which seems simple, BUT one may charge for a last minute reschedule and the other I REALLY need to go to. So, this is just a stressor that I had to vent about. And adds to my headache.

Speaking of headaches... My older sis pissed me off, again. She took some joking too far and it turned into non-joking material. Plus she wouldn't shut up. That's not unusual, but when your ears are pounding because she's too loud... it's taxing. And when she starts to repeat herself with different words, I question whether or not she just likes the sound of her voice.

Questioning. Ah-hah. I have good news! I know what I am! I am definately a lesbian. No question any more. Myself and Me had a really good talk. We wrote down (in my mental notebook) all the reasons I thought I was and all the reasons I tought I wasn't. Then made a list of situations and my responses. And my test results came back lesbian positive! ^_^

Hey.... now here's a subject... I found out that a tattoo parlor I know of is going through a law suit for spreading hepititis C and HIV. And guess who got tattoos from said parlor... and last march... yep. So now I have to get tested for HIV and Hep C. Whenever I have the money, which may or may not be happening. (I haven't heard back from my job interview) And it's scaring me to death. I'm trying to play it cool, and tell my mom not to worry. There is no guarantee that I have either, and there isn't any need to panic. But my cool exterior is only a facade. I'm scared. Really really scared.

On a lighter note so you don't finish reading this with gloom and doom hanging over your head, I tried my hand at drawing Haru! It turned out really good. I'm proud of me! And now I'm working on another pannel of Haru. My lyric learning for D.N. Angel is coming along very nicely.

And be that my final word for this "morning" (around 2 AM)

Aurevoir! ~Haru-Chan~
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