Sunday, October 16, 2005

   TODAY WAS GREAT! except until 7:45pm that is.
i had a good time doing nothing. and watching yu-gi-oh! i've been asking my dad for another s/n on aol just because. some privacy, a little mysterious, pull a few pranks. ^_~ but, i'm sorry to day. i cannot because it's pointless. having 2 screen names is pointless. so says my dad. he said i could change it, but i just wanted a new one. it's free too. but pointless. i typed this up after Naruto. (which was a good episode.) if you want more positve stuff, go to the earlier posts.

~~Absolutly Pointless~~

"Can I have a new screen name?"
“Why?”
“Just to have.”
“Having another one is pointless. I only have one because I can’t get rid of the old one.”
“So what if it’s pointless. It’s free. No big deal.”
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“You don’t need one. Don’t ever ask me again!”

So that was it. In my whole life, I never asked for anything. And when I finally do, I can’t get what I’ve asked for. It’s simple. I asked for another screen name for the computer. And I can’t get it because it’s pointless. I can’t do anything without a reason. I didn’t ask for a brand-new car for my 16th birthday. I didn’t ask for $100 to spend at the mall. I didn’t ask if I could go on a blind date. I asked something that takes about 5 minutes to do, and has no charge. It’s like my dad is trying to rule my life. ~It’s just about violence. It’s pointless to watch. ~ [dad after watching 7 minutes of Inuyasha] it’s weird. My life is. It’s like I’ve been living on my own ever since I turned 6. But my dad’s always trying to steer me away from everything. ~Oh, Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh! they are both stupid shows. Don’t watch them. ~ [dad judging shows he’s never watched.] I didn’t. But I was sick of being held down and left there. So I rebelled. But still, I always tried to stay out of people’s way. Like the bathroom would be at the front of the store, and I would be inn the back, having to go to the bathroom really badly. “Kirsten? Do you have to go to the bathroom?” “No......” Every time, almost every shopping trip, that happened. But, I didn’t want to be a burden. I just stood there, waiting quietly until we were done shopping. I didn’t ask to go to the bathroom. I never asked for anything. I waited until someone else suggested it. That person was never me. Maybe I was always nervous people would get annoyed of me because I asked something. I don’t really ask for help. I don’t want to be in the way. I wasn’t bratty, I kept the lid on if I wanted to complain, and I had a bright smile on to hide what I was truly feeling. I never asked for money. And never asked for directions to get out of a mess I was in. hiding my feelings so no one got into my business so they wouldn’t have to deal with it. I did nice things for people, and never got any respect back. Maybe a little that I could treasure for a minute. I asked for things meekly, when I learned how, and that it was ok to do so. So, this whole “another screen name” problem. Heh. It’s a problem. I think it’s odd that I’ve asked for something that costs a little bit of money, and I’ve gotten it. And I was grateful. Now, I ask for something that’s free. Nope. Can’t get it. It doesn’t have a point.
That show is just about violence. Don’t watch it.
That show is dumb. It’s pointless. Don’t watch it.
You don’t need that. It’s pointless to get it.
You want it just because? Why? It’s pointless. Don’t get it.
You don’t need an additional screen name. It’s pointless.

My life seems pointless. Should I stop living it?
If something is out of fun, but it’s pointless, should we do it?

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