Sunday, November 4, 2007

Essays? Pshaw.

My college English class (English 100) has made me realize that I actually do enjoy composing essays -- all it takes is finding a subject that interests me. I bring this up because last year, in my English 4 class (a supposed prep class for writing essays in college), I loathed writing essays. I mostly attributed it to a shitty work environment (an abysmal high school computer lab with a bunch of rowdy high schoolers is not an adequate essay writing environment) and lack of interest in writing essays (me being more toward creative fiction), but now I realize it was merely a lack of interest in the assigned essay topics. I can't write a well-written, thought out essay on a topic I have virtually no concern over, and unless the topic manages to grab my attention in some way through research, my essay will be bland and lacking in substance. The only time I actually wrote an essay that I both enjoyed writing and researching (and received full marks on) was when we were allowed to choose our own topic. We had to choose something that had changed the world, and I deliberated for probably three days or so before finally deciding on nuclear weapons/warfare. Researching for the essay was a lot of fun and I learned a fair amount. Which brings me back to why I love English 100. No assigned essay topics -- it's like a dream come true. We've done two of a prospected seven essays and are currently working on our third (first draft due Monday) and so far I've managed to come up with topics to write about that involve my interests and help keep me inspired. First essay (reflection): Trip to Ludington over the summer. Second essay (informative): How computers become infected with malware Third essay (analysis): Why American studios edit anime (current essay) It's unfortunate that my professor is currently swamped with work (she teaches English 100, plus high school Writing Basics and Spanish 1 through 4, and college Spanish) and because of that I still don't know how I did on either of my first two essays. All I know from speaking with her is that my first essay was fabulous and a wonderful break from the usual first essays she sees. And even though I'm really happy with how I'm doing with my first college class (I have around a 95%), adding that to my high school workload and pressuring myself to write everyday (and, at this time, participating in NaNoWriMo) plus thinking about the fact that I'm a Junior now and next year I'll be a Senior and then I'll be in college and off on my own... it's really stressful and, for the latter, frightening. NaNoWriMo's only four days in and I've already failed miserably. I don't even have the word count I was supposed to have for the first day yet, let alone for the past three. I'll maybe have a third or a half of the final word count by the time I'm done, but regardless of how many words I've got by the end of NaNoWriMo this year, I'll keep writing in the novel until it's finished. I honestly have a different force of will with writing this year than I did last year. Maybe it's just the fact that I won't be in high school or a teenager for all that much longer or just the heartening encouragement I constantly get from Emry and Xio, but no matter how I'm feeling or whether I'm inspired or not, a sentence a day is not just my goal, but my requirement before I even allow myself the thought of sleep. While feeling good about my writing progress, I'm having nothing but conflicting feelings about myself as of late and it's continuing to add to my stress. I feel better about myself in some areas through Emry's assurances, but there are certain things he just can't help with, because I feel like so much shit about them. But this post has turned from a ramble about essay writing to a ramble about myself (far from what I intended with this post, but it's nice to vent anyway) and now I require some sleep so I can get up in the morning... * Music for the mind: "The Presidents" by Jonathan Coulton http://www.sendspace.com/file/lio4cs "Still Alive" by Jonathan Coulton http://www.sendspace.com/file/3gndei "Shop Vac" by Jonathan Coulton http://www.sendspace.com/file/4y4cet "Creepy Doll" by Jonathan Coulton http://www.sendspace.com/file/24nsos Like? Check out his website.

Comments (0)