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• in the magical land of yaoi and pocky
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• 2003-10-13
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• shiroikarasu's yami. my dear little hikari toasty...
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• DES will do
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myOtaku.com: Dead To The World
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Thursday, November 6, 2003
some more of that "personal" stuff...
eh, im more bored than usual, so to keep myself from doin any of the numerous stupid and dangerous things i usually do when i am bored, i am going to make a post instead. another one of those "personal" ones. yep. i guess you could call this a part three to "some quality time with DES" if you wanted... as of now, however, my "quality time with DES"'s don't have a real ending yet... simply this. part three. they don't have an ending yet because my "problem" hasn't ended. i know some of you were kinda hoping that it had... ah well. on to the post!
counseling. i've noticed that i say that i hate counseling a lot. i often tell my friends that i hate my counselor even more than the counseling itself. sometimes its true, sometimes i do hate her. i hate her because she lies to me. she says that she "understands my pain" and "knows what i'm going through". but when i asked her if she had ever wanted to kill herself she said "no, no i haven't." then i asked if she had ever cut herself and she said "no." then i asked her a third question. i asked her if she had ever been verbally assaulted because of her beliefs. she calmly answered "no". no. no no no. now tell me, how can she "understand my pain" if she has never felt my pain? how is she supposed to "know what i am going through" if shes never been through it herself?
one of the most stressful things that i have to deal with is knowing that there is no way in hell that im ever going to be able to truly be myself, come out and say who i really am, without the fear of being mocked and ridiculed. theres always going to be someone waiting there to shoot you down. heh. thats partly why i love you guys so much. i can come to you with anything and i know you won't try to shoot me *i hope o_O*. i love you all, i truly do. errk, i've caught the anzu bug from toasty! *glares at toasty* so yes, seeing as how i can tell you all anything, i'd like to tell you more about my "problem". but certainly not in this post. its faaaaar too long already! perhaps in my next one. if none of you mind listening to more of my pointless rambling, that is... it would probably help me some...
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