Tuesday, December 4, 2007

   I dont want to call this as depression.
Today i went to ampang point to buy d mcr tickets.Not that im a huge fan of them,but i surely just want to haf fun since im having my sem break.With nothing better to do,i also went to mercy just to find out that they dont really need any ordinary volunteers rite now.Fine.At this point,im not exactly LOVING my life.With no more groupie at college,I've also just exceeded my nature over a guy,and it's freaking embarassing.God...why the hell did i listen to my friends? *kidding =S*and tomorrow..im planning to study.FIne.I need to focus on myself back and I know i;ve been syaing that for ages.But this is too much,and i really have to mean it.Aargh,what is wrong with me?This is so not me.Im screwed.
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Monday, November 12, 2007

At this point...
At this point i just feel like i want to live in my own bubble and aint letting neone popping it up.I reallllllyyyy need to focus on myself back.I've been zoning out to space these lately because of other distractions.Which is not good..AT ALL.because in the end,im the one ended being hurt and stuff.and i reallllllyy hate it when sumthing like det happens to me =( last night was dramatic enuff for me.i cant remember when was the last time sumthing similar to that happened to me last time.Therefore,I really have to focus back on why the hell am i here again and get freaking good grades in my studies and yes.and be sumthing that i noe i can cuz impossible is nothing.ppftttt =_=' anyway,i really hated the game that me,syira and others played last nite.they wanted me to keep d paper.urgh.but it's ok.im fine now.n i just realised since last nite that syira is a good fren.but i cudn't bare to tell her why.and and that i can rely on my own.im done.tired of wondering.im just gonna sit here,do my things and i noe that one day,that thing will come and pop into my bubble,and we'll make lotsa bubbles =)
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Friday, November 2, 2007

Life in college
OMG.been so long i havent sent any post in this site.eversince i entered college =S Life here is so hectic and busy.As in,you have to know when u cant study and resist well the temptations of slacking off with ur buds here.Especially when gossiping can be super fun.Dont get me wrong,Im still trying my ebst here to not gossip.Cuz i really have this new principle of judging sumone.Yep.I really have this thing of being so judgemental.But i see people here do judge others.Which i really dont like about.I mean,when you're here,if you dont perform well even for the littlest thing,they will degrade you like hell.SERIOUSLY.I mean,they wud help you,but still,ur performance is serious business when you're here.Doesnt matter in what or when.But i can still consider that people here are nice people =)Students here are also very the smart =S Sometimes,I must admit that i feel so small among these superstars,and I reallllllllllyyy need to be more confident and overcome my fear.Sometimes I feel that whatever that Im afraid of eats me up and prevent me from doing things that I should've done eversince I was born.My raya holidays in uk and paris really helped me to think all sort of things and failed me in my sem exam *haha!i hate numbers...pffttt. =_=;*But friends here are okay i guess.So..im still living and trying my best to go thru every single day here by being a better person.erghh.I hafto play bball at 5 since i already promised kamil to join her.I realllllly hafto overcome my fear.GO syamim.
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Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Pretty head is spinning around.
Have you ever felt safe at some peculiar place?Like at the very random cafe that u seldom went to?It gives you a fresh breath everytime you walk in.The sense of security and calmness,like no one can ever take that away from you.Since if you're reading this,then I bet you're pretty much a human being just like I am.Thus,there might be a chance that you have felt the same way too.I know that I have.Today,was alright I guess.Despite the fact that Im trying to adapt the new member in my family,it does still feel awkward hearing her calling my mom,'mama'.Not that it's a bad thing,it's just awkward I guess.Maybe because it's still new.My mom just told me today that our plan of celebrating eid in europe was cancelled.The reason?It's because my parents and grandma are going to do their hajj on november,and that is like only a month away from eid.Whatever.Yeah,since Im nothing so close to any angel,I was pretty much disappointed when she told me about it.I didnt say much,but my facial expression did.Maybe it still does.Because I was sooo looking forward to celebrate this one with my brothers,as one complete family.Guess I will be having the same lonely eid again this year at kampong.I mean,it's nothing like THAT lonely,it has always been fun,but of course sometimes I miss celebrating it with my brothers.Maybe it's just raging hormones.I will be moving on to college on next week,which is cool.Cant wait for it,but of course.sometimes I feel scared when I think about it.Like,will I ever get to stand out and fit in?Alia told me about her recent college life in Penang,and I feel sorry for her.But I know she can do better and she'll survive;Now that I can drive,you know the feeling whenever you feel depressed or just wanna be a sulker for a moment?That you need to go out and just be alone while eating ice-cream or staring at the people around you?Yeah,try to get me.I get that feeling too whenever Im desperate for a way out.But eventually,I just suck it in,and smile.Or maybe just go to sleep.It helps.Lol.Nite ;)
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Thursday, May 31, 2007

Teardrops are falling.
She brought her cousins along because they were going back to Temerloh today.So I was fine with it and bought some stuff from them.They said those things are from Korea.Oh well,I was just interested buying from them.Plus,even the littelest shopping can heal ;)I must say that I am beginning to take my piano lessons a bit more seriously.Lol,not that I am saying I was just fooling around before this,but I am constantly practicing playing it these days.Everyone has gone noising about the OTH:Season 4.Guess what?And I havent watched it yet!Dammit!They're ruining my reputation as OTH's top fan! =p Sigh.I am so freaking worried about my driving test on next Friday.What if Im gonna fail? =S HARAKIRI. >_<; Gyah,please pray that I'd pass the test ok ,peeps?A-ha.So butterflies fly,rainbows shine,and everyone's holding hands ;)It makes me happy.LOL.I know that Im not involved in any,but it's good to see that love is everywhere =)Like my friend,she just started dating with this one dude,and this is her first time.Im happy for her.Others started to feel jealous,but it's normal.I told them that Im happy sailing solo,and they gave me that look.Like even when Aya asked me about this last time,I said the same thing.She was like,'oh..come on'.What?On top of that,my dad sort of babbling about marriage and stuff on last week.He's freaking me out.Chillax dad.Im only 17;Erm,I always wonder where is the borderline of being pretentious and being urself?Can one actually decide where should we stand before the line?I think yes.I know how thousands of eyes are gonna locked at you,but it's just them.You get to decide what you want to do.Yes,we all are well-educated with rules and so on,but at the end of the day,the only person that's gonna lead us is ourselves.But of course,this is just another perspective.Go figure ;)
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Monday, May 28, 2007

   Depp? HEART xoxo,
I woke up at 12 today.That just doesn't sound like me,unless if you trust my mom.I went home late last night.The pirates movie finished around 1.30 am.Yeah.I was really excited to just watch Jack Sparrow this time.When he first appeared on the screen,I was smiling like crazy all by myself.He was just so cute in that movie.Where he appeared to be some nutcase and look-alike homo pirate.But I call it creativity.Johnny my man is so unique.He's damn talented.He's my rock star =D Ajin apparently has became one of johnny's craze fan as well.She used to blacklist him whenever me and azyan went all aloud fancy over Depp.Now?Ambik ko!She fancies him as much as i do.Lol.But it's soooo true.He's such a heart-melt.He's probably the hottest man alive.Hehe.PLUS.I dreamt of him last night.Lol.What a great package huh?After watching him in the movie,and then get to talk with him in fantasy.That's like,a truly gift.Atleast to me,hah!I dreamt that he took me and this other girl *dunno who,cant remmeber*to a lot of places,and even to his house in France!BUt he only let us stayed outside,i remember he said something because he doesn't want any mess in his house.WHATEVER.I was freaking happy.Although I woke up late with my mom banging on my door,I woke up with a huge smile on my face.Lol.Like,that was all worth it.I was pretty worried about many things actually today.And I switched on my laptop,and there he was.*STill is* on my desktop.Haih.Then.I kind of forgot all the things that kept my head spinning,except for him of course.HAHAHAHAHA!Yikes,I sound like a maniac =S Maybe I am!I mean,I never had a crush on any hollywood star before this,eversince I was born.Now,Johnny Depp is madness.My madness.MUAHAHAHHAHAHAH.Ja! ^______^V
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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Hatsukoi
'Who is he?' she asked her friends,but they didn't seem like they were interested to answer her question.It was time to let her had some rest.So they left,but the memory of that face still lingered in her head.She stared at the ceiling and tried her best to avoid the smell that caused her lying on that bed.It was the smell that have became her mate for months,it came from everything.Even from the littlest object,like the nurses' uniforms.Still,she tried hard to think back about that guy.He had this innocent looked on his face,sad and sorrow,full of guilt and regrets.He had this beautiful pair of eyes,they're very deep and could've won any girl's heart in just a blink of eye.

She knew something was going on between them,but she couldn't catch a thing about what and how.Eversince that day came,she felt strange.She couldn't stop thinking of that guy.She felt as if something was pulling her towarded him.Like a vacume that sucks in everything just to fill the void within.'They didn't want me to know who you are.But I can still catch a glimpse of your shadow spying on me',the guy shrugged.He then replied,not with a convincing looked though,'You don't know me'.Without any hesitation she answered with a higher tone,'No!Your eyes tell me everything.You're lying.I feel strange when I talk to you'.They touched and held,it felt right.

'I think I love you',she suddenly blurted those words without any warning.Surprisingly the guy didn't react much.He smiled and said,'I think you're right.Let's go to the garden and celebrate this'.So they went to the garden,and for the first time that place looked like heaven.'I don't want to know why.You must have hurted my feelings before this.But Im happy with you now.Im glad this is all happening.You are my angel' the girl said with a smile.

He woke up,and tears were streaming down his cheeks.He tried searching that girl from every corner of his room.Of course,she is found at nowhere.He rised from his bed and realised,there he was.All,all alone.Just him and the four walls.Only the sound of his heart-aching can be heard.It sounded so quiet that it pierced thru his heart.
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Tuesday, May 15, 2007

   Pretty is not to please.
I definitely feel like I need to write something in here now.Actually,I even gave myself a thought to build a new blog's site,the reason?It's funny really when I think back again that maybe there are just too many posts in this site and Im scared that I might have exposed too much of my daily life from the time I was 15 to almost 18.I gave myself several times of thinking,and nah.I love this site too much.I was already half-way of registering to blogspot,then I stopped.Still,I might one day delete my old posts.Erm,just a big possibility I'd do that.Oh well,I wish I could spill more on what've I done today.I woke up around 11 am,as usual,I hunted for breakfast after that.Then,I hung out at the kitchen while observing *not really* what my mom was cooking and had a little chat with my maid.To be frank,I never thought that I can actually 'click' with her,but trust me.After YEARS of changing maids,she's not THAT bad compared to the previous ones.She's same age as me,and yeah.I kind of always imagined what if I just simply get the chance to switch place with her.It'd be horrible to live a life like that.Atleast,that's what I think.She seems to be pretty content with her life,and on top of that,she's quite nice too.So yeah,I have no other reason to nominate her as one of the best maid that I have ever had.Although I still remember there used to be this one maid that I loved so much.She took care of me when I was around 8 or 9 years old.GOD.She was like the coolest maid ever.Despite her characteristic for being too straight and,you get the point.She used to do whatever I told her to.CAUTION PEOPLE.IM NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING THAT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH ABUSING.I still remember,she always hide my shoes from my dad,so that my dad would think that I did go to school.When the truth is,I was hiding behind the door.Yeah,I can say that I was much sleekier back then than now.

Back to my today life,I think I already gave up on watching that indonesian drama on tv3.It's getting boring and too much confusion.I ended up watching a movie called 'I love you,I love you,I love you' in the evening.Lol.I know the title is way too corny,but it's nothing like that really.It's an old movie which if Im not mistaken,Claire Danes is the main character and Jude Law is in it too.It was pretty much about that girl trying to search for her true self.LOL.I did not just pick that up from the info xD Owh,Ajin just msged me.She said she's already made up her mind about the options between scholarship and dream.Im so happy for her!Oh yeah,talking about dream.GOD.I actually dreamt of Blake Lewis last night.He came to me in a class room.I kinda made him a poster and he asked me about it.I didnt answer much because I was too drawn into his beautiful eyes and actually,I ended up saying nothing about the poster.Haha!And he kinda stared at me blankly must have thought that I was stupid enough to answer his questions.Sigh.I also dreamt that I was in a whole lot stress when I was studying to be a doctor.Dammit.Whatever it is,those were just dreams.Well,I have lot more to say actually,but Im starting to feel sleepy now.Hehe.Out people =)
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Sunday, May 6, 2007

It's almost Monday!
I just bought a new laptop for myself.I bought it on last tuesday,labour day.This supposed to be a surprise especially toward my close friends,but then,too bad im spoiling it and feeling to write something in here.I bought the darn pink notebook from sony vaio c-serious.Ok,i don't give a damn u computer geeks.I was exhausted enough to read all teh freaking reviews just to get 100% satisfaction and Im done doing all those surveys to get the best,suitable note book for me.So,I just thought 'alright,this is my first love,why don't I just buy it and stop torturing my dad?',and yay,I did it.End of story right?Well,today I had a little fun with my cousin.She came and stayed here for a night.Yeah.Oh and have u guys bought the last cleo mag?HAFIZ IS IN IT!The dudes were hot.But of course,hafiz will always be the first =p But then,the moment I found out he already has a gf,and is getting engaged SOON,I was in a serious break down for coupel of days.LOL.I mean,I even dreamt of him!Man...he's not single anymore T_T HE WAS NEVER SINGLEEEE!Haih,fine.Let's just put the sorry feeling aside.Oh yeah!I have a very good news to myself of course,duh.Ajin and Azyan is not going to matrix!WOO-HOO!I LOVE U BOTH!!!Ajin got Um and Azyan got UPM.Meaning people,they're not leaving so soon.Their intake is probably in june or july.Tee-hee!
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Sunday, April 22, 2007

   I say...
Pfft.What a boring sunday.My lil bro just got back from his camping.Im pretty proud of him for being so freaking active and brave,which is of course,good for him.And my dad just got back from Melaka.So basically,we're not going anywhere this evening.*Sigh* Let's see,today,I watched HEROES and last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy.These both shows are currently my fav.Well yeah,you cant blame me for ebing such a tv freak,when you yourselves helplessly got nothing to do at home.Ah well,before that,I went out with my mom.Went to kfc and bhp station.Oh yea,I just got myself a new hair cut last few days.Not that I intended to,but my mom was suddenly interested to go to Ada Maya.I was bored at home,so I followed her and 'accidentally' got a new hair cut.I mean,I did plan for it,but not this SHORT.Dammit.But oh well,at the same time,I LOVE it =p We had this Anugerah Cemerlang thingy going on yesterday.It was ohkay,since I got to meet some of my other classmates that I havent met for AGES.=p Sorta miss them.Then before the event was over,it hitted me.Like,that was probably our last moment of meeting each other.Im sure as hell gonna miss all of them.

Plus,most of my frens will be leaving by next month.Shoot.Im gonna be so freaking lonely for another 2 months.LOL.Er,but I'll try my best to figure out sumthing else to do.Hihi.Well,we've been planning to hang out before they all leave.Im looking forward for it guys. ;)


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