Monday, July 3, 2006

Love and war
It's been a long time I haven't sent any post this lately.Well,here I am again.Feeling to write and express.NOT to impress.Im planning to open a stall for this up coming sport carnival that's going to be held this saturday at mua school.Im excited...at first.I gathered some friends to help.They've been pretty helpful and supportive.*I really appreciate it you guys!*We were palnning,well basically I was planning to just sell drinks,but then,we found out that we're such failures when it comes to ice-blending fruits.Im telling you,seriously.We've been spending for hours to just get a satisfying taste.But then,we failed.And my lil brother saved the day.He did his magic and became a hero.We really going to need him this saturday.
I must say that Im not impress at all with my recent results for mid term exam.But I just don't feel any regrets I guess.Because I believed that I did try.I think I need to study more.Im worried bout my studies .gyah~
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Sunday, June 18, 2006

Playground
I went to see my 'future' college today.I didn't plan it.My dad did.The minute we got back from the hospital,he suddenly said he wanted to send me to school.What school dad?A place where people got c's for their chemistry n bio?Hoo-ray.I went there.I thought...it was a shabby place.But basicly,it looked cool.Not the weather,the location.IT's so far away from otehr places.Like you're in your own wonderland.Im not sure whether that's good or not.I don't really mind anymore where they gonna throw me.I don't care where the place is,I just wnat to learn more.I don't want to sit n hear things out,I want to learn.
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Saturday, May 13, 2006

   Recent life.
It's almost 4 am in d morning.I dont know what the hell am i doing here,letting my butt stuck on this chair and write all my heart out in here.It's understandable for a teenager like me*duh* to be having such crucial moments struggling with studies and future planning.Even with some unnecessary bullshits.Like missing your ex and getting what you want,but in the end you realise it doesn't matter anymore when you already have it back.It's so stupid to change and having split mind in just about a second.Gosh.We humans are selfish and bloody greedy.Oh.To be more specific,probably it's just me.I don't know about any of you,but that's what I've been thinking about myself.Everything's fine.I cant remember when was the last time I posted an entry saying my life is a mess.It's really really doing fine even up to this point,Im having hard time with exams and underpressure of intend to take medic.It' so fineeee.My current life is just like smooth breeze going with the flow.Im living my life normally like other odinary teenagers and yet...there's something I dunno.Missing.A hole in this big potrait.Ah crap.Maybe it's just me thinking too much.Mixing up with the formulas and hell yeah.Im stressed.

I have to get as many a's as I could.To prove that I really really want to do this thing.Im so determined to do medic.Eversince I had a discussion with my school counselor.Im just scared to face my results...with b's and c's.Wtf?With crappy result like that,I actually dream to save peoples' lives?Im sure a super pop star dreamer.It's just so weird,my eyes are still wide awake.I usually went to bed around 10.Yeah.Tell me about it~What's more to surprise?I probably going to study chemistry after this.I did some addmaths just now,what could you ask for more?I ended up with frustration.Hoo-ray.Stucked on couple of questions,turned on the radio.Yeah,considering all crappy songs they played these days,engineering or anything that got to do with numbers,are really not my thing.I guess I've been extra focusing on myself this year rather on someone else.Well,eversince I broke up with him.Yeah,plus,eversince that night,it was only probably once or twice I called some of my guyfriends to check on or ask them how they're doing since they're so nice enough calling me so often.And oh.Eversince I broke up with him too,I havent went out with my friends for months.Im thinking to hit the mall with them after the mid term exam.So,in other words,most of the time,I locked myself in my room,reading,dreaming,singing,sleeping,and crapping.As if even the four walls in my bedroom,have shared everything with me.


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Thursday, May 11, 2006

Bloody stress.
Exam!exam!exam!
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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

   Eye candy
Geez,I cant believe I still have the time to post a new entry.I guess I just wanted to express and pour everything in here.I just got back from tuition.Have I ever told you people that my physics teacher there is cute?Or should I define him more as handsome?He looks kinda mixed with English blood.Which of course,you can hardly find any well-mixed blood people aren't good looking.He's so cute and I really like the way he talk.I mean,ermm...teach.Lol.He got this kind of British accents when he tried to speak in Malay,he also seems pretty 'kerek'.Which doesn't really matter to me because it can be fun at times =D I asked Hannah how old he is.She said he's probably around 25 or atleast in early 20's because he's been teaching for 5 years.As he thaught the class,I cant stop myself from stealing a glance to look into his face.LOL.Guess I do need a bf afterall.Lol.Nahhh...he's just some eye-candy.A bait to make physics is one reason why I should score.Lol.Then few things hit my mind as I listened to what he thaught.Since Im just a student,and he's just a teacher,so we don't know anythign at all about each other.Well,I don't know anything about him.Im not surprised if he already gotten himself a gf.He's well dressed and look really educated.But could he also be a gay?Who knows with look like that,he could be one of 'them'.You know them.Gays are usually good-looking people.Could he also come from a rich family?I saw him wearing nike shoes.So that means,he got cash.Coolness.Did he also fail his engineering exams?Well,since he's been teaching physics,there are big probablities that he is taking engineering and became a tutor because he didn't get to to pass thru the exams.LOL.Alrighty,I think I need to sleep right .Oyasumi~
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Friday, April 21, 2006

   New life?Sounds great....maybe.
Here's the thing.When you find yourself packed with other things which make yourself feel so busy,you'd realise that this a reality and your life.Now,I find myself typing this while the tv is still on.Great ,'news' and no one watching it since my dad gone off to his bedroom.I may don't sound as busy as I mentioned it before,but hey.Trust me on this.It's tormenting enough to lock yourself in your room and face all the books.Thinking about your dreams and future.Thinking what will happen to you if you cant achieve your goal even after trying so hard.Thinking all the cute and hot guys you'd probably meet in a new place.Thinking whether your friends will still be your 'friends'after 10 years.So much to think.Not that I stated it as if I 'HAVE' to think about all those..well,things,it's just something that I cannot avoid of =).Oh yeah,I've quitted my addmaths tuition.I think that tutor is a little troublesome and getting on my nerves at times.He just love pushing his students and get 'atleast' 100% for addmaths.Dude,I got 70% and he said 'It's ok.Try harder'.RIGHT.Then when I got stuck on few questions,he went back to my 70% mark and gave me a big headache.As if he's trying to say '70% is GRADE D.100% is A2'.Then how much do you want sir?150%??1000%??Oh and Im so sorry *NOT* that Im being such a slowpoke.Numbers just aren't my thing.I have a life and you DONT.I can tell he doesn't have a pleasure normal kind of life like other people does.He's full with classes and probably don't have family and friends.PITY.*NOT* Haha.I feel much better after quitting.It's not that Im giving up,I just feel much better to fall and rise for MYSELF.yeah,myself.NOT FOR HIM OR ANYBODY.Plus,Aida already found a better replacement for him *I hope so*.Well,since I already quitted his classes.I found myself a new tution centre.Really,I feel so much better belonging there =)

Well...maybe not that much.Like yesterday,fine.I came early and I got to know this one girl.A 'new 'friend.Which I never really noticed her at school,but hey,surprisingly she recognised me.Maybe I do exist afterall at peoples' eyes =p Then,I sat on the front.Came this one girl,drinking her mcD coke perhaps,sitting beside me.'Great' I said to myself.Whispering inside my head of course.Then came a long another one.She's pretty.But I don't know,she looks snobbish and typical girly nice girl at the same time.She sat beside me.ON my right side.Then the two intruders because I was hoping Hannah would sit beside me later,talking to each other while Im in the middle.Yeah,sure.They talked about exam and get so scared about the preparations and stuff.'Am I like a bridge to you girls?I feel like a FREAK and WEIRDO'.That what came into my mind.I felt so uncomfortable.I felt as if I was not the bridge by that time,I was...well..a wall.I bet they both are from some crappy schools around here.Of course.No other schools are much cooler than my school around here.Haha.I can't believe I just typed that.Well,then came this one girl,with earphones stucked on her ears,listening to music'pff...walkman?You sure are old'She was trying TOO hard to be cool.She looked like a weirdo and freak instead.Just staring at her walked in with that attitude made me feel much better for being myself.

Then came in few guys from my school,I tried myself to smile at them,but I guess I noticed that they didn't notice me,so I quickly took back my grand smile and keep it for better.Followed by another few guys from my school,but this one,I hate them.They are the try-hard people.Where here,we define them as POYO.Came in again my fellow friend at school.Well,IM not really close to her because she's really annoying.She's fun and whacky,but yeah.I just cant stand with annoying people.Although I myself is annoying at times.She came in and gave a weird look on her face.Staring at the whole class,as if she was thinking 'God...what is going on with my life?I can't belive Im here and going to butt in learning with these people.' Darling,this is life.You gotta put a rule in your list where you just have to befriend with people that you cant really click with.Talk to me,just try.You'll get the whole thing.Oh,before that.Came in a group of girls.They called themselves 'lova-lova'.A group.To me,where bimbos belong to and girls that cant take their face off the mirror for 24-7.They're just so...trying hard to be hot.GOD.How many people have I labelled them as try-hard in this post?Guess this world is surrounded by try-hard people after all.But for real,they're really tyring to hard to put on their uuuu-so-sexy-faces in myspace.Or marketing their butt off there.Showing their hips and body all over.CHEAP PUBLISITY.Lol.I sound so sick of them.Maybe I am.They came in and made noises as if 'Ha-ha.We ROCK.'No you don't.You guys are just typical seductive-horny-bunch of people.Which...afterall,doesn't seem so seductive at all,but look really disgusting at instead.Lol.Well,that's what I heard from few guys from my school.Yeah.I guess,this is my coming 17 story.=\ To be continued.
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Saturday, April 15, 2006

Reality bites
I don't really know why am I still awake although it's already 2 am.Probably because there are just so many things hit in my head.Maybe you think Im thinking too much,but hey?Should I blame my head for thinking?It's just hard to close my eyes without staring at the ceiling and recap everything back that had happened to me.I know,I know.There were so many blogs that I posted mentioned the same thing.Maybe this could be a track off for me to spot things up.Let's see.I met one of my relative just now.She has changed.She is now...more...religious?The moment she confessed everything,I didn't really tangle up in all of her stories.I didn't feel any emotion or guilt within myself.I was just a girl,listened to every words she spoke of.But none of it made me feel...I don't know.The kind of feeling where you think yourself of being the worst person on earth?The kind of sense that makes you think you're going to die tomorrow and the somewhere the clock is still ticking?I don't know.I just...don't feel it.Like how I used to.Does that mean Im getting worse?Does that mean the old Syamim is slipping into becoming a monster?At the same time,I also feel that Im more comfortable with who I am right now.Ok.I admit.I do have a little identity crises for now,but I don't know.As long as I cherish everything around me,I feel good about myself.Things are heating up.I guess that's it.
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Thursday, April 6, 2006

   Perfect yet so manipulated
What is wrong with life?It seems so perfect but yet there are still other complicated things curtained behind.I just don't know how to make up my mind.Everyone is keep pursueing me to pospont my a-level intake or further my studies at sumwhere else.I've already planned everything.n I just don't care.I wanna get out from here,as soona s I can.To make a move,To learn things,to obtain more experiences and to become the best.I am not playing or fooling around with my future plan.Of course I can only plan,but they keep putting me a question mark everytime I have put a fullstop in d end.I've decided to take medic.I realised this after I did a little operation on det mouse.I named it as 'ratty'.But thanks to det dude,he became the spotlight and stole everyone's attention.Urgh.Plus,everyone has been talking about the school's bloody prom these days.I am planning to go since most of my friends are going after all.Except for azyan or maybe alia.Actually,it doesn't really matter to me,whether I'd go or not.Talking about dress and date.How cheesy can that be?But oh well,I guess an experience and a-one-night memory won't hurt me.I hope so~Oh yeah.I've decided to join marching back.Haha.Just to get a bloody certificate.Sigh.I guess my swore didn't really work .LOL.

Other than that,I am pretty comfy with my life right now.Well,despite the 'future-i've decided it already'of course.Urgh.Making decision is hard.I know,probably one day,Im going to regret with what I've done and all.BUt Im just going to move forward and live life to the fullest.What does fullest mean to me?It is to live my life or meet my end with no regrets...at making regrets.LOL.horrible grammar.shucks.Oh.I feel so lucky being single everytime i heard bad news from the couples around me.Haha.Im such a big meany.Thank God im single and I don't need to struggle for both things.BOYFRIEND AND MYSELF.I respect those who can handle both.But i pity them who fail on both.Like what I heard,'FRIENDS ARE FOREVER,BOYS ARE SO WHENEVER'....Well,I actually prefer 'FRIENDS ARE FOREVER AND BOYS ARE SO WHATEVER'.yeah.that sounds better ;) After my former relationship,I've totally lost interest on guys.Especially immature brats.They'll get bored eventually with us and be very very membuang masa and perasaan.Sakit hati dan macam-macam lagi.Ah well.Of course,I admit that I haven't fully recovered yet.I mean,it's not that I still have feelings for him,It's juz that...only anger and pain left inside of me whenever I think about taht dude.Atleast Im happier with my life now ^-^
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Monday, March 27, 2006

   How's March treating me?
March is treating me pretty well.Im just releasing my tension here writing a post,plus I haven't poseted one in a long time.I'll be sitting for my monthly test.Eeto...I cant really say det im ready for it.^^; weird huh.Been pretty busy with studies,but Im not fully prepared for any test.Haha!I am currently addicted to Full Metal Alchemist.Hey,it's not that Im left behind ok?It's just that only now I have the time and passion to watch it.Lol.I must admit that I kinda miss my big bros.Sigh...they'll be coming home diz june and july.Hoo-ray!cepatla balik!Ah...now that my ex has gone to ns,everything's moving on pretty well.well,yeah..I kinda miss him.But that is only like 0.2 % out of 100%.Lol.I bet he's going to bring back a new girl.^^;I must say that Im getting fat.Sheesh.See how this 'spm is coming soon' treating me.It's driving me crazy.I am getting confuse with my ambition.I decided to be a dentist,but then my dad kinda disapproved it.Now he's kinda like encouraging me to b a doctor.o_O; I wanted to take that like a long time ago,then he stopped me.Then he encouraged me back.Sigh.Well,Im happy and moderately content with my life for now.I hope this would last longer.Lol.Gotta go,boo!
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Thursday, March 9, 2006

Eeeee!!!!
Eh,y line these days is so fucked up ha?damn.maybe i shud quickly bomb det tmnet.where's my streamyx?damn,maybe i shud juz bomb them for twice!hah!yeay-yeay.i already got my studytable.today,i was pretty busy for one whole day.doing magazine stuff.with det photography session.Thank goodness most of my juniors are cute.LOL.Hmm...since now im pretty stress with my addmaths,i guess diz is d only place where i can..'release' la konon my tension.My mom has been pretty nice with me since i entered my 16+..i wonder y.Sometimes,she even made me feel guilty.I love u mommy.ceahhh.GOD.Im so retarded today.Even my frens said so.I acted weird for one whole day.Oh n people,dun ever make a delivery call for mcd.DELIVERY MCD STINKS!Me n azyan had to wait for about 1 hour juz to get our burgers!OK,I think id un really haf d time to think about other stuff for now.I hafto stand on my own.Even when i haf no one to talk to at times,but dte ain't gonna make me fall.I can go thru all this shits n be happy wit my life.OK,n now I haf to do my history hw..lol..so much for my happy life,hey,atleast I cherish my life rite?Hehe...Ja!
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