Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Prayer (Part III)
First off, Miss Lemons you are a 100% correct. Or that's my opinion. We all have lived different lives but all have our own struggles. No one can truly relate since they don't have our personalities or same experiences but I believe we struggle equally. Without struggle there can be no reward for perserverence. I found this prayer to be quite uplifting in the times when I thought I couldn't take it anymore. Now the conclusion of the prayer:

Maybe Lord, the pain is all in my head, like everyone says. Even those closest to me think that though they’ve learned not to say it. Jesus, do you think that too?
Meaning has long since fled my life. What purpose is there in all this pain? Why am I here on this earth? What am I supposed to do with my life? These questions mock me.
I don’t know who I am anymore, but whoever I am, O Lord, you know that I am Thine.
Amen.


And incase you're interested, here's the whole thing:
Praying through chronic pain

O Lord, My God, I do not ask for the pain to go away. I’ve prayed that prayer a thousand times over, and the pain remains with me. But I’m not angry about it. I’m not even disappointed anymore. I’ve come to terms with my pain.
No, my prayer is much more basic, much more simple. I ask, O God, for help in getting through this day. It’s difficult because I’ve lost the ability to care.
God, what’s hardest of all is that no one understands my experience of pain. If I had a broken leg, they could understand. But my pain is too hidden for them to understand. And because they cannot understand, they doubt my experience, and when they doubt my experience, they doubt me. And their doubts make me doubt myself, and when I doubt myself, it is hard to get through the day.
Maybe Lord, the pain is all in my head, like everyone says. Even those closest to me think that though they’ve learned not to say it. Jesus, do you think that too?
Meaning has long since fled my life. What purpose is there in all this pain? Why am I here on this earth? What am I supposed to do with my life? These questions mock me.
I don’t know who I am anymore, but whoever I am, O Lord, you know that I am Thine.
Amen.

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Prayer (Part II)
First off, I'll clear up some miss understanding. I'm not that faithful of a person. I just stumbled accross these couple of prayers and thought they would be really cool to share. I'm not sick or dying yet, I'm in no more pain than anyone else. The prayer from yesterday isn't over. That was only the beginning, to draw your attention. The shorter to post, the more likely someone will read it and acctually think about it. Well then, here's part two of the same prayer:

God, what’s hardest of all is that no one understands my experience of pain. If I had a broken leg, they could understand. But my pain is too hidden for them to understand. And because they cannot understand, they doubt my experience, and when they doubt my experience, they doubt me. And their doubts make me doubt myself, and when I doubt myself, it is hard to get through the day.
~To be continued~
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Monday, March 13, 2006

Prayer
Prayer is a powerful thing, in my opinon. That why in this post, I am vocalizing my faith with a long prayer. Each day, just to give me something to post, I will continue with a bit more until I come to the conclusion. If you're not interested don't bother reading my posts for the next couple of days.

Praying through chronic pain (Part 1)

O Lord, My God, I do not ask for the pain to go away. I’ve prayed that prayer a thousand times over, and the pain remains with me. But I’m not angry about it. I’m not even disappointed anymore. I’ve come to terms with my pain.
No, my prayer is much more basic, much more simple. I ask, O God, for help in getting through this day. It’s difficult because I’ve lost the ability to care.

~To be continued~

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Sunday, March 12, 2006

   Answer to riddle
I'm your constant companion, your greatest helper or heaviest burden. I push you onward or drag you down. I'm at your command. Half the things you do can be assigned to me and I'll do them quickly and correctly. I'm easily managed--but you must be firm with me. Show me exactly what you want done and after a few lessons I'll do it automatically. Those who are great, I made great. Those who are failures, I made faliures. I'm not a machine, although I work with the precision of one, plus the intelligence of a person. You may run me for profit or run me for ruin--it doesn't matter. Take me, train me, be firm with me and I'll place teh world at your feet. But be easy with me and I'll destroy you. Who am I?


Answer: Habit, so you guys were pretty close.
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Saturday, March 11, 2006

   Riddle
I'm your constant companion, your greatest helper or heaviest burden. I push you onward or drag you down. I'm at your command. Half the things you do can be assigned to me and I'll do them quickly and correctly. I'm easily managed--but you must be firm with me. Show me exactly what you want done and after a few lessons I'll do it automatically. Those who are great, I made great. Those who are failures, I made faliures. I'm not a machine, although I work with the precision of one, plus the intelligence of a person. You may run me for profit or run me for ruin--it doesn't matter. Take me, train me, be firm with me and I'll place teh world at your feet. But be easy with me and I'll destroy you. Who am I?

I'll post the answer tomorrow. Good luck guessing.
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Sunday, March 5, 2006

Quiz found on Cia-chan's site. Seemed like fun.

Long Survey About Yourself
What time are you starting this?:	11:16am
Name?:	Death and Despair
Nicknames?:	D + D
Date of birth?:	Unknown
Sex?:	Male
Height?:	5'8''
Eye color?:	Dark brown/black
Where were you born?:	USA
Number of candles on your last birthday cake?:	We don't have candles. If we did, 17
Pets?:	A couple furry ones
Hair color?:	Same as eyes
Piercings?:	None
Town you live in?:	USA
Favorite foods?:	Anything homemade. I can't stand the cheap fast food stuff.
Ever been to Africa?:	No
Been toilet papering?:	No, that's a rude thing to do. How would you like it. Quit hurting the trees.
Love someone so much it made you cry?:	Maybe
Been in a car accident?:	No
Croutons or bacon bits?:	Neither
Favorite day of the week?:	A thoughtful day
Favorite resturant?:	Anything with decent food
Favorite flower?:	All, I don't know the difference
Favorite sport to watch?:	Not too into watching.
Favorite drink?:	Water
Favorite ice cream flavor?:	Doesn't matter
Warner Bros. or Disney?:	Anything that's appropriate. Warner Bros isn't but Disney has repetative themes.
Favorite fast food restuarant?:	As I said before, I don't like fast food
Carpet color in your bedroom?:	white with dots i guess
How many times did you fail your driver's test?:	None
Whom did you get your last email from?:	What do you mean "whom". The only one I have is from yahoo
Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?:	Don't waste money, especially money that doesn't belong to you. Pay in cash so there's no interest.
What do you do most often when you are bored?:	Think, read, internet, maybe draw,
Most annoying thing to say to me?:	Just not being yourself and me knowing it. Trying to be like the popular group just to fit in.
Bedtime?:	None
Favorite TV show?:	Anything thought provoking
Last person you went out to dinner with?::	Family
Been out of country?:	A couple times
Believe in magick?:	With a "k"? No it's all tricks. Life is a trick.
Ford or Chevy?:	What does it matter so long as it runs?
What are you listening to right now?:	the sound of the keyboard typing
Have you ever failed a grade?:	No
If you have, what grade did you fail?:	I just said no
Do you have a crush on someone?:	No
Do you have a bf/gf?:	No
If so, what is their name?:	I JUST SAID NO!
How long have you been together?:	...take a deep breath before I kill the quiz
What are you wearing right now?:	Why would you want to know?
Would you have sex before marriage?:	Are you insane? Why would anyone do that? What point would that make. It's a broken promise. You already gave yourself to the person physically without any reassurance. Stupid
Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?:	No
Are you a virgin?:	Yes
Do you smoke?:	No
Do you drink?:	Water
Are you ghetto?:	What do you mean by that?
Are you a player?:	No, girls deserve respect. Not to be treated like some prize. What is wrong with society today?! With no values or moral.
What are your favorite colors?:	Grey
What is your favorite animal?:	Not too sure. Probably a raven or a falcon.
Do you have any birthmarks?:	Maybe.
Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?:	No. Fights are pointless
Who do you talk to most on the phone?:	I don't talk long on the phone.
Have you ever been slapped?:	No
Do you get online a lot?:	I try to
Are you shy or outgoing?:	I guess you'd call me shy.
Do you shower?:	Yes
Do you hate school?:	No
Do you have a social life?:	Somewhat
How easily do you trust people?:	Not much
Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?:	Yes
Would you ever sky dive?:	Maybe
Do you like to dance?:	Not really
Have you ever been out of state?:	Yes
Do you like to travel?:	It's fun, I guess. But I like my comfort zone.
Have you ever been expelled from school?:	No
Have you ever been suspended from school?:	No
Do you want to get out of your hometown?:	Maybe someday
Are you spoiled?:	Probably
Are you a brat?:	I'd like to think not
Have you ever been dumped?:	Perhaps
Have you ever gotten high?:	No
Do you like snapple?:	Sure
Do you drink a lot of water?:	Yes
What toothpaste do you use?:	What does it matter?
Do you have a cell phone?:	No
Do you have a curfew?:	No
Who do you look up to?:	No one, frankly everyone has lost my respect.
Are you a role model?:	No
Have you ever been to Six Flags or Cedar Point?:	Yes
What name brand do you wear the most?:	Who cares about name brands. As long as clothes are comfortable, go to a second hand store.
What kind of jewelry do you wear?:	None
What do you want pierced?:	No where
Do you like takin pictures?:	Yes
Do you like gettin your picture taken?:	not too much
Do you have a tan?:	no
Do you get annoyed easily?:	Yes
Have you ever started a rumor?:	I'd hope not but It's possible
Do you have your own phone or phone line?:	no
Do you have your own pool?:	no
Do you prefer boxers or briefs?:	Doesn't matter
Do you have any siblings?:	Yes
Have you ever been played?:	I've played games if that's what you mean.
Have you ever played anyone?:	I've played chess, and other games like that.
Do you get along with your parents?:	Sure
How do you vent your anger?:	Probably not in a healthy way
Have you ever ran away?:	Yes
Have you ever been fired from a job?:	No
Do you even have a job?:	Yes
Do you daydream a lot?:	I guess
Do you have a lot of ex's?:	No
Do you run your mouth?:	I try not to
What do you want a tattoo of?:	Nothing
What do you have a tattoo of?:	No
What does your ex bf/gf look like?:	I don't have any
What does your most recent crush look like?:	I don't have any
Whats her/his name?:	Are you even listening to me?
Have you ever been bitched out?:	I'm not sure what you mean by that.
Are you rude?:	I can be
What was the last compliment you recieved?:	I don't remember
Do you like getting dirty?:	No
Are you flexiable?:	Not too much
What is your heritage?:	German I think
What is your lucky number?:	I'm not too sure, 3 maybe
What does your hair look like right now?:	I just said above, dark brown/black
Could you ever be a vegetarian?:	Yes
Describe your looks?:	This is frustrating
If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color?:	I like natural. So I wouldn't dye it.
Would you ever date someone younger than you?:	Age doesn't matter. It all depends on who they are
Would you ever date someone older than you?:	Above please
When was the last time you were drunk?:	Never
How many rings until you answer the phone?:	Whenever I get to the phone
Have you ever been skinny dipping?:	No
If yes, when was the last time?:	No
When was the last time you went on a date?:	I don't know
Do you look more like your mother or father?:	I can't tell
Do you cry a lot?:	Outside or inside?
Do you ever cry to get your way?:	No
What phrase do you use most when on the phone?:	Hello
Are you the romantic type?:	I'm probably more of a realist
Have you ever been chased by cops?:	No
What do you like most about your body?:	That it functions
What do you like least about your body?:	That some parts don't function as well as others
When did you have your first crush?:	Why would that matter?
When was the last time you threw up?:	Probably a year ago
In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?:	Looks don't matter
Do you ever wear shirts do show your belly?:	you mean "to", and no
What about cleavage?:	No
Is your best friend a virgin?:	Define "best friend"
Have you ever fucked someone up?:	No, that's a pointless and meaningless action. I am a virgin and I'll remain one if necessary. I respect others even though society doesn't. Life doesn't revolve around sexual
Have you ever been fucked up?:	urges. I will not conform to the present, morally corrupt society. Until it clear up it's act I will remain a part from it's sinful actions
What theme does your room have?:	Stuff
What size show do you wear?:	How do you wear a show? Shows are on tv. These questions have no point!
What is your screen name on AIM?:	I don't have one
How are you feeling right now?:	frustrated with the length and immature questions of this quiz
When was the last time you were at a party?:	Months ago
Have you ever given a lapdance?:	No
Have you ever recieved one?:	No
Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?:	Probably but who cares
What is one of your bad qualilties?:	I'm irritated easily, I speak my mind without thinking how it will affect others,
What is one of your good qualilties?:	I speak my mind without thinkin how it will affect others
Would you marry for money?:	No, what value is that. Money fades away. Your "loved one"s memories do not.
What do you drive?:	Nothing
Are you more of a mommys or daddys child?:	Niether
So?:	What's your point?
Well?:	What do you want now?
When was the last time you cried in school?:	Never
Would you ever hook up with the same sex?:	No
What kind of music do you like?:	Deep classical
Would you ever bungee jump?:	Maybe
What is your worst fear?:	Eternal damnation
Would you ever join the army?:	Probably not
Do you like cows?:	Sure
If you were to die today, what would you do?:	Reflect on life, try and fix broken relationships, go to confession
If you had one last word to say to someone before you die, what would it b?:	Sorry.
Do you like to party?:	No
Hearts or broken hearts?:	Spades
Moons or stars?:	Black holes
Coke or pepsi?:	Water
Favorite scent?:	Nothing strong
Favorite band?:	They're not bands per se, Motzart, Bach, Beethoven,
Would you ever dye your hair red?:	Probably not
How many languages can you speak?:	Two
What time are you finishing this?:	11:58 since it was so long and got chopped up in the middle of it
Take this survey | Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

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Friday, March 3, 2006

   Lyrics to LotR song--I'm pretty hooked on this.
There once was light
Now darkness falls
Where once was love
Love is no more

Don't say Good-bye
Don't say I didn't try
These tears we cry
Are fooling rain
For all the lies you told us
the hurt the blame
And we will weep
To be so alone
We are lost
We can never go home

So in the end
i'll be what I will be
No loyal friend
was ever there for me
Now we say good-bye
We say you didn't try
These tears you cry
Have come to lay
take back the lies
the hurt, the blame
and you will weep
when you face the end alone

you are lost
you can never go home
you are lost
you can never go home.

Okay so they may be depressing but they hit home for me.
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Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Bored
Alright, I have nothing to say. I'm alive. There you go.
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Monday, February 27, 2006

Statis Report 3
As of now, no one has found my other site. That's just how I am. I give you enough clues to hang yourself. No, I will not tell you what it is unless you find it. That's my condition. I need to protect my identity from friends who have followed me to this site. I'm not a cheater so I'll be honest if you find it. What fun is there in cheating. I knew it would be a near impossible task. The challenge will continue for as long as I exist on this site, however the clues may change over time. Now keep in mind, my way of thinking may be different. Especially with the third clue "red" could mean almost anything. Another reason I won't come out and say what the other site is, is because I'm challenging your determination. My personality will not allow you to see the real me without guessing and anticipating my response. I leave clues and if you're clever enough you'll be able to decifer them. A simple example of this would be in conversation. Let's say, I bring up an issue about clubs. I may honestly be interested in what others have to say but in deep down I just want someone to ask me that. I'm a big mind game. But normally that only happens in the real world. Here I can be pretty honest because I'm secure that no one I want to will find me out. Perhaps that makes sense or else I'm a complete nut job. I appologize for the long post. I figure I don't update enough so you have pleanty of days to read through it. Have a great life everyone!
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Sunday, February 19, 2006

Statis Report 2
Still, no one has located my other site. I doubt that any of you will with the limited hints. Oh well. If you missed the hint yesterday, it's gone for good. It wasn't much of a hint anyway. Out of curiousity can those interested in the hunt comment saying so. I just want to know.
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