Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Venting, I don't care that this is an anime lover site. I need to tell my story...
I guess it's about time for me to post something. This one will be a very long one so I don't intend most of you to read it. Warning: If you are reading and commenting just so I will check out your site, don't bother. I don't have time for that (unless your a close friend--you know who you are). Only read this if you really want to. I won't blame you for not (I'm going to tell all because I need to). I don't recommend reading this, it's long, boring and stupid. I just like to talk, so I am. With that said, read at your own (time) risk.

Okay, I'm finally going to get this off my chest now that my "real life" friend no longer comes on and there won't be any way for her to know who I am.

This issue as stupid as everyone else my think it is, has been plaguing me for the past four years. I'm going to start from the very beginning.

Ever since I was kid, I've been an outcast. I don't know why but it must have been awfully easy to pick on me. I had no real friends at school and my family thought of me as a black sheep (I was quite the trouble maker, liar and thief). Finally, in middle school (you'll think it's stupid...) but I finally found some comfort when my family got a cat (for his protection we'll call him...umm....Neko?). That was six years ago, six years of continuous bonding. There is no living being on earth that I trust and love more than my cat. There has never been any human love or friendship that can compare. Knowing this, perhaps someone can understand my frustration, saddness, grief, and deliema.

Four years ago is when things took a turn for the worst. He began having an unwanted behavior problem, spraying (if you don't know what that is, it's when they urinate outside of the box). There wasn't any medical reason as to why he started this behavior. My family couldn't put up with him much longer. So I did everything I could to find a way to make him stop. I've been seeking feline behaviorists, books etc to find a way to stop (I've done everything in my power!). My family has been patient (on and off) for these four years for me to work with him. However, through out those years, my family has been constantly threatening to get rid of him. Now, you may think "why not take him to the humane society?". Well if you didn't know, the Humane Society immediately euthanizes cats with such an issue since no one will adopt a cat that sprays. So there's no option. When the threats first began (4 years ago), I made a bet with God. If God took Neko away from me from any unnatural causes, then I swore that I'd take myself away as well.

Then college nears and things really begin to escalate. My family doesn't want to care for a smelly cat, and I can't take him to a dorm. We reached an agreement that they'd take care of him for one last year, afterwards he's out. I agreed because that's my only option.

Now that school's started, I have to start thinking about places for next year. Of course I want to take Neko with me but the only way to do that is to get an appartment. My family is against that. They say that my grades will drop (which is very likely) since it will be harder to get to campus, I'll have to cook, and worry about payments and vet bills. So basically I now have only two options: get an apartment with Neko and kill my academic career (potentially killing more animals) OR stay in the dorm, work on my academics and have Neko euthanized. There are no other options. It's my career vs. Neko. I'm cut in half.

So basically, I had to tell someone this. I don't care if no one ever reads it. But it's better if I don't keep it inside anymore or I'll swallow myself up. I don't expect any comments. To the majority out there, I appreciate the fact that you care enough to read this. I don't want pity, I want understanding. No, I want solutions. But solutions aren't possible with this issue. I'm finally sharing this now because my "friends" have been too dense to notice my suffering for four d*** long years. I knew my mask was good but I didn't expect them to not care so much (but that's a completely different irritation issue that perhaps I'll cover in a debate sometime). I feel better now that someone will finally know my sufferings. But I'm very sorry for casting such a dark cloud. I guess I'm not one to be cheerful. My apologies.
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