Sunday, October 10, 2004

   Let's Go Down the List
Tomorrow's gonna' be a biy-otch as far as homework is concerned, because I didn't know I had work today until last night. I had planned to do homework today, and I didn't get to. Ya' follow? Good, because I don't.

I'll be out of town next weekend, because I'll be on a college-scouting trip in Tallahassee. So, I need to find a replacement for work.

I finally went to the only dance club in Brandon, Club Rock. I found two things out: it's funded by a church, which was no problem, and it's completely empty, which was a bit of a problem. I like "Dancin' with Myself", but not literally.

Onto the Halloweenin'.

Tonight, ya'll get a story I once wrote for Steph (I luff you, Steph!). It's about the time I met Leatherface. Enjoy.

----

So, here's the scenario: It's ten thirty at night, and I'm on the X-Entertainment site. (That site kicks arse.) Anway, what was my choice of reading material just before bed? The summary (with pictures) of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Yes, I'm an idiot, but allow me to continue.

I turn off my PC and am ready to turn in, but the instant tht light goes off, I come to the sudden realization that LeatherFace is in the room with me. That clever bastard is actually staying just out of my line of sight, no matter where I turn. The situation deteriorates when I realize that I really have to pee.

I brave my way to the bathroom, avoiding potential chainsaw thrusts, only to turn the light on and find...a beetle on my floor. Eww. Without a second thought, I take my tissue box and smash the lil' bugger into paste. I'm very nervous about bugs in my bathroom after finding out that an entire ant colony was living under my sink two years ago. However, I realize my mistake the instant I make it: I just killed a bug.

In horror movie logic, killing that beetle was the signal for thousands of similar beetles to come swarming out of the sink and crawl all over me, filling my every orafice until horrible crawly death sets in. Death By Beetle is actually pretty high on my "List of Ways I Really Really Don't Want to Die", right up there with being stabbed in the ear really hard with a sharpened pencil. But I digress.

The impasse was set: I'd have to brave the possibility of the Great Beetle Rebellion, because the alternative would be having to wash my bedsheets the following morning, because...well, you can figure it out. After peeing, I left the bathroom, buit the instant I turned out the light, LeatherFace came out of hiding, and was once again exactly where I wasn't looking at the moment.

I'm at my bed in three steps, and, once there, instantly revert to five-year old logic. Obvioudly, if I stay under my covers, don't open my eyes, and don't move at all, I'll be perfectly safe from the man with the human skin mask and chainsaw. I mean, obviously.

As I lay in bed, I begin to doubt the wisdom of this logic, but my doubts are quieted by the mental reminder that, hey, these tactics I used when I was five are the reason I lived to see six. So, no moving, and definatly no opening of the eyes.

Why no opening of the eyes? Well, you see, LeatherFace was standing directly over me as I lay there, chainsaw raised to lower on me the instant I opened my eyes. If I did'nt open my eyes, he'd never attack me; it would be against the rules. Again, I know this because I obviously survived the night; a little thing like not actually seeing LeatherFace will not dissuade me from the truth.

As time went on, my "No movement" creedo turned on me, and viciously; I really needed to scratch my nose. Of course, I'd be dead the moment I did. However, if I kept thinking about the itch on my face, it'd drive me nuts. So, I desperatly try to think of something else, and what better to think of than the seriel killer standing over me? Sadly, my mind wanders of its own accord, and no matter how much I tugged on the leash, it seemed obsessed with imagining what it would feel like when the big LF dropped his chainsaw on me.

This was, absolutly, the worst part of my death-defying ordeal, imagining which pieces of my body would be chopped away. I came to the conclusion that LeatherFace would cut me exactly three inches below my bellow button, effectively severing my legs (among other parts) from my chest. My best bet in this situation would be to scream until I hyper-ventilated, and hope that the combination of no oxygen and extreme pain would numb my sense as I blacked out.

As you can imagine, I didn't worry so much about the itch on my nose anymore. Thankfully, I drift off into a dreamless sleep.

As I wake up the next morning, (LeatherFace had apparently abandoned me during the night; inattentive cretin), I ask myself a simple question: Do they have a name for whatever the Hell it is that's wrong with me?

Just another day (and night) in the life of

DeathBug

Thought of the moment: Tomorrow Is Li-Chan's birthday!!!

Quote of the moment:

"The next stage for your adventures...is Hell!" -Yami Bakura, "Yu-Gi-Oh!"

Song of the moment:

"Thriller", Micheal Jackson

1st verse
It’s close to midnight and something evil’s lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes,
You’re paralyzed
Chorus
’cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no one’s gonna save you from the beast about strike
You know it’s thriller, thriller night
You’re fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight

2nd verse
You hear the door slam and realize there’s nowhere left to run
You feel the cold hand and wonder if you’ll ever see the sun
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination
But all the while you hear the creature creepin’ up behind
You’re out of time

Chorus
’cause this is thriller, thriller night
There ain’t no second chance against the thing with forty eyes
You know it’s thriller, thriller night
You’re fighting for your life inside of killer, thriller tonight

Bridge
Night creatures call
And the dead start to walk in their masquerade
There’s no escapin’ the jaws of the alien this time
(they’re open wide)
This is the end of your life

3rd verse
They’re out to get you, there’s demons closing in on every side
They will possess you unless you change the number on your dial
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together
All thru the night I’ll save you from the terror on the screen,
I’ll make you see
Chorus
That this is thriller, thriller night
’cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would dare to try
Girl, this is thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller, chiller
Thriller here tonight

(rap performed by vincent price)
Darkness falls across the land
The midnite hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y’awl’s neighbourhood
And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpse’s shell
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzy ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller


(into maniacal laugh, in deep echo)
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