Monday, October 29, 2007

   I
almost fainted today... I dont know whats going on wiht me but I've been feeling real sick lately, Like since 2wks after school started. I hope I DONT end up fainting. Ugh!
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Thursday, October 25, 2007

   Can you please help me....
I need a list of songs for my bday party by 2m... If you have any suggestions please tell me. I'm looking for upidy fun songs.... like toybox... or rap...
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Tuesday, October 23, 2007

My birthday party's
Comeing up real soon and I need help. I need to have a list of songs ready before the end of this week... So if you guys have any suggestions please tell me! I need all the help I can get by friday. Thnx so much. Love ya guys!
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Sunday, October 21, 2007

   I had...
A blast this weekend I hung out with tara. Went to marios pizza place and I had starbucks cofee for the first time. I know right I've been alive for fifteen years now (almost 16) and I HAVE NEVER had something as good as starbucks! lol. But YAY It was so exciting!
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Thursday, October 18, 2007

Or maybe, this is who I am... I guess I feel the same for each thing. I must be an "emo" (god I hate that stereotype) hippy!
I hate it when people say that they want a peacefull world and then create war with their friends. I've said so many times before that if i could create a peacefull world, I would in a heartbeat and I wasnt lieing! I hate that people in this world can be so cruel and I wish that those people could open their eyes and see that we all have feelings and we all hurt. I cant stand watching someone one pick on someone else. I dont care how popular or how great you may be to your friends it doesnt give you the right to pick on anyone or belittle them. That stuff disgusts me, as does war. Why would we be shooting other people to create peace? Its never gonna happen that way. I dont agree with war and I never will. I believe in peace that we have yet to create. I really wish we could all look at each other and not judge each other before we even know the person. I always give people chances (they say only give two I give hundreds) and I think that I forgive people too easily, but someone told me you can never forgive people too easily. I get mad about something for a few minutes maybe even a second and then I'm just like "Its okay, whatever". Whats the use in fighting. Really? I dont hate anyone I just hate the stupid things people can do.
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   Maybe this is who I really am...
How is it that you can seem so happy on the outside, but yet on the inside your dieing, dieing for freedom dieing for salvation from this depressing life. My names Stephanie, But my friends call me Button. Most people consider me "EMO". I consider myself as being Broken. I've done alot of stupid shit, stuff thats left scars, or another whole in my heart, where love used to be. People have hurt me, And bruised me so many times Pain just comes naturally. I always come off as this fun nice silly person who's always happy, but dig down deep into my soul and I'm still alittle girl hiding from the fear, thats life, dig down deeper and you'll find an angry and depressed person who wants out of this world and out of everything that surrounds her. I usually dont have very many "happy" thoughts, somebody told me once to make them up, but I hate making my own happy thoughts cuz the feeling of knowing they'll never be real stings and eats away at me. It makes me cry most of the time. so mainly I'm put back into my gray place, so happy thoughts are something I dont do or try to do, because they make me even more depressed than when I started to even make them up. I get depressed very easily but I try not letting people know. I dont like to show that part so people arent like "omg stephanie whats wrong?" I hate it when people ask that. expecially when everything just fine. Them even saying that gets me in a crappy mood. I try to make things around me happy.

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Wednesday, October 17, 2007

   It seems like...
everyday now I get a headache... and today my friends are going to marians without even inviting me.. I still hope they have fun though! I mean I always wish the best no matter what... They ARE my friends (as far as I know at least). Anyways I need to finish this gay project so... Byez!
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Monday, October 15, 2007

   Today I...
Have a headache and I'm not really in the mood for anything loud... I guess I could deal with it... but I really dont want to. I mean I got into chorus today and we had to wear our stupid chorus outfits (the ones we use for concerts) and we had to take pictures... which I reallly did'nt want to do and the people standing next to me (who are freshman... acually my whole row is freshman besides me) were being so loud and obnoxious. I could'nt take it... I was so close to walking out!!! But I'm a junior and I have to set a good example for the litlens ( like I really care...) lol.
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Friday, October 12, 2007

(theres really no smiley to express how I feel) -.-
I'm feeling better today. I got some sleep last night... but I kept waking up like every hour. At least I had more sleep last night than I've had in like a week. Thats pretty bad that I probably got more hours of sleep last night than a whole weeks worth of sleep. I know I'm not going to sleep well tonight. I'm planning on staying up late. And then 2m I'm having a friend come over. That actually makes me happy because my mom usually doesnt let me have friends over... So yay! anyways... I should get going...
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Thursday, October 11, 2007

   To me it feels like...
school never ended and that we never left for the summer... because all the old habbits came back and some pretty bad new ones are surfacing. The sleep deprivation, the headaches that last forever and the feeling that I have to live up to my name. But I know summer was here. I've changed so much, and mellowed down alot. Summer's sorta showed me how to care more, and not to let some things worry me, but other things are still there, thing I'll never stop worrying about, people in general maybe I dont know, I just want the feeling as if somethings missing to go away. I dont wanna live my life thinking that I'll find something that may be unfindable. I need some sleep, and I'll tell you guys how I feel in the morning because right now I'm too tired to think. I'm too tired to try...
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