Saturday, February 7, 2004

Movies.
Is the last art of sleeping late on Saturday lost? If it isn't my parents waking me up early, it is my ex. Just everyone shh, Ken wants to sleep for a few more hours.

Bah.

One thing is that I dislike about sleeping [the only thing] is that I don't remember the dreams I have- and when I do they are usually nightmares that leave an impact on my mind enough.

I don't really like dreaming. I guess I kind of prefer the normal blackness that I see for a few seconds.. but sometimes that blackness feels like it lasted for ages, and I know that I had some sort of dream that I either didn't want to remember or that I just couldn't remember.

I dunno. My last two dreams were Thursday night, they were weird. One of them, I was a soldier in WW2 Japan- like, in a scenario where we didn't drop the atomic bombs to force them to surrender. We invaded the mainland, and I was one of the common foot soldiers- sent to kill as many people as possible before I got killed.

The movements were kinda like a video game- almost flawless, but you can tell they were pre crafted. I was running at this Japanese civilian in a white shirt who was armed with a hefty flame thrower [It didn't look like a flame thrower- it was a seltzer bottle that apparently was good at spitting out flames]. So.. I was out of ammo and I knew that my enemy was distance, so I charged him. I was like within two feet of him. He kept running backwards, trying to get enough distance between us to where it the flames wouldn't singe his own skin.

Eventually i knew that I couldn't take him down by running at him, so I ran backwards- with him running backwards and me running backwards the distance between us became quite large. I ducked into an alley, trying to see if I had any buddies around- but all of them were in a neighboring part of town.

I was going to come out and surrender [best to fight another day than to never fight at all] when I woke up. So, I milled about in my bed for a bit before I drifted to sleep again.

In my next dream I was in an alleyway with a friend [someone I didn't know, I think]. The buildings around us had red brickwork and were dirty looking- like a bad part of town. Um, Spiderman attacked us. He strung up my friends with his webbing and was about to leave when I started cussing him out for doing that. I ran at him and got all webbed up too, and was drug off to a warehouse.

So, I somehow got free and was slinking through the warehouse- trying to get some sort of suprise on Spiderman, where ever he was.. I was still slinking around when I woke up.

Strange things.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Self Medicate.
Well, I thought it over to try to take it from the conservative or family man's [/otherwise]perspective and I can see why they would be miffed.. but not to the point of monetary damages.

It wasn't on the schedule, obviously- everyone should have a choice about what they see, especially with something as popular as the Super Bowl. Parenting is in the hands of the parents- I disagree with the way someone them shield their kids, but if they don't wish them to be exposed to that sort of thing.. who is to force them otherwise?

So, I guess what I said would be true- if it had been stated as planned . Still, this is going a bit far- it was an actual accident, they didn't seem to want it to go that far [especially as the backlash that followed rose up everywhere].

Yeah. So I step back a bit- things like that are hard to judge when it is uh, what's the word. When it is.. chaos that occurs instead of order. You know, destiny, fate, bad luck, etc.- it isn't planned, in other words.

The thing that set me off was monetary damages- that is fishy to me. Oh well. People do what they do, yeah? Gotta hand it to fate though.

Yeap, that's about it.
Comments (1) | Permalink

Friday, February 6, 2004

My blindness sees your blindness- let's shake hands.
Alright, I was trying to avoid talking about this in my little crimson hellhole, but now it has gone too far.

Someone is suing Janet Jackson, saying that millions of people are owed monetary damages for exposure to lewd conduct.

..

What?!?!

That is taking it too far- it was an accident. Plus, if we didn't make sexual conduct so taboo in the first place, then maybe someone exposing their breast wouldn't cause a gasp of horror to come from the audience. That wasn't even SEXUAL- it was merely a breast getting some fresh air. How fucking stupid can you be- blaming a small part of the problem, something that could be totally non-important if you tackled the larger issue.

Sexuality should not have become a thing that we teach children to be horrendously immoral in *all situations but after marriage [although that is nicely executed for the CHURCHES benefit]*- it isn't at all supposed to BE like that. It is a beautiful thing, it is art- it creates another member of the master species on this planet. We have to teach them not to ABUSE it- instead of portraying it as some sort of hidden monster. Don't tell them that they *have to* wait until after marriage- they DON'T. No one has to! If they want to, that is fine! That is a choice that they made- not that we either pressured them into or made for them.

Look at what we've done. We continue to create cages in our minds and force other humans to step into those cages to be accepted.

See, the human body has gone from something that used to be accepted and beautiful to something shunned in public settings. We are a freedom loving country.. intill we step beyond the lines that our ancestors idiotically drew for us.

It's sad. It really is just sad. Watching something that could be so great just shudder and choke along. Like an ill-repaired machine. What society could be, what humanity could be.. What we did wrong.

Seeking "monetary damages", haha! My ass, you greedy little bitch. Saw an opportunity and took it. Now you can garner some money, eh. Good job. I was waiting for some 'victim' to sue.

Abusing the system nicely.

Bah, what can a fifteen year old do. Just watch it crash in slow motion, I guess.

Right into the concrete. Bam.

*The Score*
True Freedom= 0
Self-made cages= Many, many unfortunate thousands. [I would like to 'thank' the old Papal States, Conservitives and oh, most everyone else.]
Parents= Getting into the negetive territory.
The Biomass= Negetive many, many thousands.

Comments (1) | Permalink

Wednesday, February 4, 2004

Can't go yet.
I think I might be getting over my apathy and accepting the other trademark thing that I frequently give out as advice.

Actually, it might be a higher form of apathy- people believe in what they believe in. You can try to change them, but if they are steadfast than you should probably just shh. They are content on their path, you are content on yours- you share a common bond, stop trying to rip that last string apart.

Debates about things we cannot ever see or [seemingly] know for sure are a very bad way to waste your time- instead, continue furthering yourself on your path. In essence, your opinion is the only one that should *always* matter- your heart is the best compass for your decisions.

But, as previously stated, take other's opinions to mind- you could find a path that is truer to your compass than you could ever imagine. But never let people demerit you for what you do, because they themselves are bonded to you in the fact that they too walk a path that they are secure of.

So, just remember to chill- it is good to expose others to the way you think, but there can be too much of a good thing.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Tuesday, February 3, 2004

Meeting again for the first time.
Hmm. If I ever have a last goodbye, I would like you to take my lessons in neutrality [sometimes apathy] to heart.

Just, remember that seeing things from many points of view is the best way to do things. Religiously, politically, intellectually. Do things on the scale of the big picture.

Only then can your opinion be justified, for you have taken all the others into consideration and then chosen them.

It is hard to do, but can be beneficial- the only consequences is that.. sometimes people think you are emotionless, when you are merely trying to be logical. They can call you on it, and you might lose a few friends or get a few headaches.

But, don't get apathetic with this too much- you need emotion, just you need to be sure the emotion/energy/time you are wasting is on the opinion that is truest to your heart.

Otherwise, you are either a fool or a simpleton who's time on Earth is being wasted.

Heh. I don't think I will have a final goodbye. I came silently, I'll leave silently. Final speeches for positions of moderation are silly.. You were appointed without drama, leave without it- it isn't necessary and is annoying from my point of view.

Small things don't require large reactions.

Ah, oh well. That is how I see it, anyway. I think that is how I will finally depart this online place.. a tip of the hat and that is all.

Hmm..
Comments (6) | Permalink

Saturday, January 31, 2004

They always ask me.
It's so hard to be, these days. lol. Content or not, it is a very boring existence. I am ancy to get this lull in the river over with and make something of myself.

I guess you can't rush it.

Arrogance is thine enemy, yes? No, I think not. Oh well. Tell me how you all are doing, friends. I would like to hear from you. :P
Comments (3) | Permalink

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Living in a World of Promises.
How much of what you see is superficial? I don't know. If I did, then I wouldn't be paranoid sometimes that what I see is only what someone else wants me to see, or only what I can see. Or is it how I see? I see differently from most everyone.

Howell means "alert one" the irony does not escape me in the least, which seems unfortunate if you think about it really hard, but most of you have no clue as to what I am talking about.

So living in a world of peoples goals, dreams and ideas- it isn't a great place to be, honestly. It isn't an efficient, an emotional or a just one- it tries to dabble on every spectrum society allows unless it is taboo, there has to be a centralization so that things are not as foggy as they always seem to be if you let your mind drift on them.

It is like a staticy channel on television sometimes, you just can't see everything you think you do- you see it wrong because of the interference by outside sources. How much of this am I seeing correctly? Am I doubting my abilities as someone who is self proclaimed as wise? Otherwise, maybe I am just wise in my own facilities, dreams and superficial realizing.

Dwelling on this will drive you mad if you doubt yourself to the point that you are writing something of this sort in an online journal. Will I find the true sight I seek by following one man? I don't know, that is the problem- I wish I did know. If I knew then maybe I would be more confident in my ventures.

So there in a new year when nothing seems to have changed in the major subjects of the world, the taboo is still the idiotically taboo and the problems are still split between society evenly.

The problems of terrorism of a war to end unorthodox attacks, of ironies of that sort. Things of tax cuts when the bulk of the economy relies on taxes, things that really should have gone away by now but they probably won't until the cycle ends.

I think I need to take some time off before I reach my wits end, I'm not doing so well. Things make me overheat easily, emotionally. I am not stable generally and I can feel myself slipping sometimes into something I am not used to displaying that easily.

It is all about seeing the world around you- I am worried about clarity, as I said. If it is not clear then what if all my judgements are being based off something wrong, I don't know. The recurring theme to this is pushing forward into the unknown or foggy. My mind tells me to go with that, constantly, just charge forward and take it head on.

Yet as a tactician I know that this is not sound in many ways, even beyond just tactics- it is common sense. But if my clarity is off, then my common sense too would not be working so well, would it? Everything I base myself on could be wrong, it is not good to be discovering so much blackness when before it all seemed so clear. Things you plan leading to things you don't plan leading to things you don't plan the chain reaction must end somewhere, surely.

I will find out someday how clear things can be, and if it is just my over thinking that makes it this foggy. Maybe I'll tell you how it goes then, I hope to have a good report for you.

It has been too long since I was able to write my thoughts down as they came, but it is overtly refreshing to be able to do so this easily.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Thursday, January 22, 2004

I saw this in ChibiHorseWoman's signature [a bad place to go if you are anti-religious, pessimistic and morose.]

"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars. Or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit-Helen Keller"

That is flawed. Many pessimists have discovered the secrets of the stars, sailed to uncharted lands and opened a new heaven to the human spirit.

They were just shocked when it happened. ;)

Heh. That's all for this mornin'. :P
Comments (3) | Permalink

Die Young And Save Yourself.
State of the Union address was fair. I am suprised that he managed to have parts without propoganda. I didn't have the opportunity to see it live- I preferred playing a game to seeing what I expected to be another run of the mill Bush speech.

Still, the situation in Iraq looked pretty fair for a few weeks there- now it seems to be detiorating slightly. Maybe not, several things I just read signaled that it might remain pretty 'fair' in the Iraq forecast for the next few weeks. Haha.

Huh. Nothing new on the homefront for Ken. Bored as shit as of late, gaming and thinking- thinking and gaming. It would work better if I had my mind on the games more often than not, <_<. Stuff to think about, entertainment to dwell in. Doesn't work out.

Might have noticed I've not been around as much- many pardons, but I've just been gaming that much. Mayhap it's a siesta.

Oh well. Expect some more Ken goodness in the following days, or maybe not. Depends. ;P
Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, January 17, 2004

Dirge for November.
There was once a man who was a monster inside- he tried to contain it's primal urges with all his intellect and will. Somehow, he etched out a seemingly quiet existence, containing the consistent storms in his mind, within his mind.They should have to feel my pain. They should have to feel it amplified. The world should have to know what it is like to be this way. The cycle must end.
Soon, this man came to have several profitable prospects that would grant him abnormal amounts of power for a man- lucrative deals bring good rewards. However, this man had an underlying paranoia that if he attained power the animosity within him would come out, using the power as a means to cause sadistic pleasure to himself.I don't care if my pain isn't the largest in the world. Dramatic or not, they should have to be ripped apart to some degree if I have to be ripped apart to some degree. It is only fair.
Should the man seek the power before him and flirt with the possibility of losing self control?But, if I do, the consequences will be outstanding in comparison to the happiness I would get from seeing them shattered.
What do you think?The cycle must end. Either unification by war or destruction at the hands of one self proclaimed demon. If the cycle continues after my life has been spent, then I have suffered the ultimate failure. This cannot continue on for long.
Hm..
Comments (3) | Permalink