Friday, June 25, 2004

Show me the power child, I'd like to say that I'm down on my knees today.
I had a minor shock last night. I came across a news article on a random website for a south Oklahoma city that was talking about my mother.

She was the right age, had that unique name and the city is located very close to Dallas- right on the border.

It was very hard to deal with. Both the idea that my mother could be in jail and that this was the only way I could know if she was still around or not.

I found a later news article about how she posted bond for 20k, so she must be in debt to the government. Sigh. I really want to see my mom. It's either feelings that I deserve a mom like so many other people or that I just want to be sure she is alright. Maybe I just want to talk to her about things. I dunno.

It was depressing. Thankfully, I had a great person to help me out [^_^;], so I didn't break down or anything. I'm fine- sorta. Eh. Not really. lol.

Edited: I'm back from driving school so I can expand on this.

I was trying to find out more about my genealogy. It is a sad fact that beyond my parents I do not know any of my real grandparents names, or my parents brothers or sisters- none of them. So I am forced to continue trying to found out what exactly I am by their names only.

I typed "Tammy Lynn Howell" into the Yahoo search box just as a last ditch effort- I had been at some of those ancestry sites who charge, and had been tempted to use my parents CC number just to find out more. Kinda sad, but yeah.

This news article came up from one of those random, local news webpages for cities around the US, yeah? It had to be her, that unique name AND around the right age. Ugh, she got into more shit with drugs. I wish this was not her, but it is just. Way too many coincidences. Name, age, location near Texas, same old story with drugs. Ugh.

Here's the article.

Convict hit with perjury charges after getting life sentence

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MADILL -- Perjury charges could add even more years to an already long sentence for a 40-year-old Enos resident convicted last week on charge of a conspiracy to manufacture methamphetamine.

David Oliver McMahan, his wife and a female acquaintance were arrested and charged with subordination to commit perjury following his trail. District Judge John Skaggs ordered the arrest of McMahan, his wife, Crystal Lavon Arterberry McMahan, 27, and 33-year-old Tammy Lynn Howell following the conclusion of testimony.

Allegedly, McMahan collaborated with Cody Joe Joel, another county jail inmate, to prevent false testimony through a statement. The women allegedly gave false testimony.

Jurors dealt swiftly and severely with McMahan following presentation of the state's case by Charles Migliorino, first assistant district attorney from Tishomingo, and Paul� Haggerty, Marshall County assistant district attorney. The panel was absent from the courtroom less than an hour in reaching a verdict and recommend McMahan should serve a "maximum sentence."

Explaining the court needed more specific language for a sentence, Judge Skaggs sent jurors out again. They returned shortly with the recommendation for a life sentence and a $50,000 fine. McMahan is scheduled to appear for sentencing at 1 p.m. April 11.

Pending his next court appearance, McMahan, originally from Arkansas, and his wife are being held in the Marshall County jail. He is being held without bond. A $2,000 bond has been set for his wife. Howell was released after posting a $20,000 bond.
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*shakes head* I just want to find my mom. Is that too much to ask? Anyone, someone related to me. Someone by blood, someone tied to me. Not my adoptive family, my blood ones. I just want to talk to them. And I can't and I don't know WHY that nothing is allowing me that- that shouldn't be considered something that should be taken away.

So complicated. *shakes head* Maybe even too dramatic. I shouldn't even worry about them, or my blood- but it just feels *wrong* not to know, the way society just calmly accepts that everyone must know their family's history. So casual about it, ugh.

*remembers P.D. Eastman's "Are You My Mother?" and grins for some reason* Haha. Kinda funny, that. At least I can use my humor to find a reasonable amount of contentment.



Haha. =);;;..
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