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• DeathKnightv4
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• DeathKnight

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Birthday
• 1988-08-10
Gender
• Male
Location
• Dancin' with Enkidu.
Member Since
• 2003-08-12
Occupation
• Robot Lord of Kyoto.
Real Name
• Kenneth.

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Achievements
• Painting our sky ocean.
Anime Fan Since
• I saw Sailor Moon.
Favorite Anime
• Last Exile, Infinite Ryvius, Da Capo, Air, El Hazard, Rozen Maiden, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya.
Goals
• Dynastic cycle.
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• All rise.
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• Thumbs down.




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myOtaku.com: DeathKnight


Friday, October 24, 2003

There was a rainbow like a halo over the world
*pulls off his emotional mask for some melodramatic ranting*

I hate going out into public places.

It is like an animosity that has no real foundation. I just hate to see all the people, the crowds, the noise. I walk from place to place with my head sternly faced twards the floor, brooding quietly in general.

I just really hate being in public. It is something I don't understand, actually.

Maybe I do. Everyone always seems to have a friend with them, or a significant other.

Or a parent. Or a sibling.

It is like I am the only person in that area that is alone.

I do not have any family to be with, or a girlfriend. My sibling is gone. My friends are busy with other friends. I am just alone.

Irritating. Other people are happy, why can't I be happy. Just a little bit. I never seem to be able to take joy in things other people do. It bugs me. I feel dysfunctional. Broken. Not in working order.

I think I should make some new friends. I would like that. Someone to hang out with. I would be happy if someone was just around once and awhile..

I have not really made an effort to get new friends since I 'lost' my old, small clique. That could be the key to finding a bit of happiness.. mebbe..

I wonder if I am so stubborn on my veiw of suicide because of those lost friends. I do not think that they would be selfish.. I cannot accept that they would.. not be.. thinking about me.

I mean, in the notes.. they seemed..

Yea. I should probably find some new friends.

I am really messed up now, I had alot of caffeine and it is destroying my usual control over my volitile emotions.

Maybe I am losing my mind, finally. Probably not. I would find a release.. but the only release I know of well is to cut myself.

I don't want to cut myself right now. Having a sharp knife near me when my emotions are not right would be a bad idea. ^_^' Yes, a bad.. bad.. idea.

I think I need some help, but the last time I went to a professional person they completely ignored me and put me on a new wave of medication. I do not want to be in that medically subdued state, it was a bad time.

Maybe I should just listen to music. Yes, some Deftones. That should ease my frayed nerves.

Ahh. I am very sorry. I just needed somewhere to let off some steam, and this is the only place I have. No one is.. around.. to listen to me IRL. ^_^..

Thank you. I am going to go try to sleep now.

Please, comment on how you feel about social situations, am I the only person that hates them?

Try to ignore.. all the melodrama between the first sentence and paragraph about my hate of social situations, and this.

Good night.

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