Thursday, July 8, 2004

Postion the stitches like miles of torpedos.
I've kinda noticed that I cuss the most out of anyone in my class.

People: We are shocked!

Nah, haha. That isn't too surprising. Cussing is kinda second nature now. My friend says he only uses it when "strong emotions" are implied.

Yeah, me too. ;P

Things at the Driving School are winding down to my last day tomorrow. I miss public school for the human interaction. Before I left to be homeschooled, I was made fun of a ton and I took it personally because I had not matured yet.

I have a feeling if I returned I would have a great time just chilling with the people who would grant me respect. Those who don't respect me, that's cool- I won't mind anymore.

Haha. Did you ever notice the brutal irony in giving a girl you sorta like relationship advice? That has happened to me alot in the last few years. No one ever really views me as boyfriend material. I'm either just cute, or they just want to be friends.

It's a tired, sad story that happens to alot of people I guess. Maybe I am just a goofy oddball, eh.

Loneliness when it finally settles in feels like it will linger in entirety for all duration of time. It makes you feel like you will die feeling this way, you will die by yourself - while you were there for everyone, no one will be there for you.

It makes me bitter when I think back on all the people that have betrayed my trust. Should I trust any of you? You seem normal like they do. I guess I have to, just to aide people like I love doing. But I wish people wouldn't take advantage of that.

You all are reasonable people. Uh, some of you are kinda naive but. You know. Not your fault. Hahaha.

Ah, well. I can't get my mind out of the past no matter what I do. I'm slowly doing the only thing you can do with your past- learning from it and putting it behind you. These are scars of pride, they gave me wisdom. You have to go through trials-by-fire to learn things, unless you have a mentor to teach you.

Ah well. I *did* learn some things. At least I got something out of that.

By the way, my attitude has shifted. Suicides are betrayals. I've gone from making excuses for my friends to bitterly regretting it. They are a betrayal to your comrades, your friends.

So you damn well remember that. None of you are dying to anything self inflicted. I will break into your funeral and rip your face apart infront of your bewildered loved ones. No one is abandoning me again. I'm not tolerating anyone being so selfish that they feel that they have no other options.

Alright. I warned you.

Aside from that, driving is kinda fun. I'm not really scared of getting into a wreck- I'm looking forward to it. It will be a very chaotic and interesting affair.

Here's to surviving. Hahaha.

Sayonara, little chickas, dudes, gringos, world leaders and otherwise.

Don't be a stranger.

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