Sunday, July 11, 2004

In my mind's eye, Horatio.
Man, I am surrounded by artists.

Ever since I was like 5 I wanted to draw. My imagination is so wacky, large and cool that I always thought it would be fantastic if I could just draw the shit that comes into my head.

See, I'm a [minutely] humorous person. If I could draw, I could have this webcomic, see. It would be cool, funny, well drawn and it would be my DREAM. I am a webcomic fanatic, I adore them- but I always spot things that would have made it funnier.

But, nein- no artistic qualities for Ken. The best bullshit I can do is abstract. Weird designs of what could be a spaceship or like a design for stained glass windows, lol. Just weird little things like that. The only artistic thing I'm good at is writing.

No, not even poetry. My poetry blows chunks. Just writing. Like this, like essays, stuff that no one really cares about- stuff that isn't really art. I have a way with words, I know that- when I speak publicly I can capture people's minds, hearts and ideas with my words. I weave them in ways that are great, I just can't.. write good poetry for some reason. The best I can do are those paragraphed stories I posted awhile back, the ones that were super morbid/cryptic. That is the only thing remotely resembling poetry/song lyrics I can do that I consider to be "good".

I'm not an artistic guy I guess. I'm more scientifically artistic instead of truly artistic. Ugh, it's just so annoying.

I'm thinking of just getting back into reading books. I used to love to read, but now I usually spend most of my time practicing my skills at tactical work- trying to be a better general than bookworm. Haha, nah. Nothing that dramatic. Just games and boredom eating my time away.

Reading was my other escape. I used to get a book, sit down and read it in a day. Just, one day- from like 2 in the afternoon to maybe 3-4 at night. Just read the whole book, smile, close it and set it down. Go to bed imagining myself into the story- a Ken in a Star War's novel or a Ken in The Castle in the Attic.

Were any of you guys into the Castle in the Attic? I adored that book. It was so fantastic, I wanted it to happen to me. Then there was The Battle for the Castle. It had like a ship with evil demented rats- as a kid I was really enthusiastic. I wanted to fight something! Some evil rats or something. Even then, with the darkness around me, I was very flamboyant sometimes- just really a fireball. My parents got really ticked off at it sometimes. They said that whenever I had a really crazy idea or was in a hyper, outgoing mood I get this little glint in my eye whenever I would grin.

Man those were great books. Even if they were kids books, they really took you places. Right now I'm trying to finish up Nueromancer. It's a good book, kinda longwinded in some spots- but I like it.

I just miss the days when you could just sit down with a book and read all day, without worrying about anyone or anything. Just go get lost in it, pretend that all the bullshit in your life isn't there- you aren't there, you are in the book. You are with the characters, battling evil rats on a ship maybe. Or with Han Solo fighting giant insects on a weird planet whose name you know you will forget- but you don't care! You are cheering Han on.

Ah, man. Those were the days. I always used the same bookmarker made out of notebook paper. Just fold it in a rectangle, decorate it yourself- voila, instant bookmark.

Now I get lost in my games. Why do you think I love RPGs? They have a story. Sometimes, I get annoyed. I don't want to fight this boss, or that monster. Don't want to get X item from X creature, or go to X location. I just want the story to keep going. Just want to hear what happens next, want to *read* more.

It never helped that I was/am superstitious. I believe in various myths and legends- they fly free in my imagination. I always have had this lingering horror of ghosts/UFO's. Always wondered if the Jersey Devil would fly out of the woods and chill on my porch or something. I guess it is a phobia of the unknown. At the same time, though, I want to courageously tackle this unknown person- I want them to know who Ken Howell is by a strong punch to the head if they think they can cause me to piss my pants that easily. You know what I mean? You're scared, but you know that you can prove yourself. You just would rather not have to. Yeah, I could take on some ghosts. Some demons. Some aliens. With gusto. I'll show them who's the scary creature to be reckoned with.

Cough, cough. If they exist.

Ah yeah, at night sometimes I get freaked if I hear something going bump on the roof. I grab a broom or something, ready to kick it's ass if it drops in. lol. It's kinda dorky, but at least I'm not hiding under the covers.

Behold the power of the broom? You bet your ass it is powerful. Got a nice strong hit with a piece of wood, that would send any denizen of the night reeling back under my heads. Woocha, broom powah!

Yeah, I doubt anything like that would happen but. You know, I'm kinda woo in the head.

Ahh, yeah. Superstitions, imagination, books. All sorta tie together.

The Neverending Story always taunted me. If I ever got that book there would be no more real life. Fuck real life, I would be spending all my time adventuring. Just wandering around.

Kinda like what I want to do/plan to do IRL, huh?

Ah, yeah. *pokes book* You and me gotta get back together, baby. Haha.

On another note, I saw Pulp Fiction uncensored last night on digital cable. That was a great movie. I'm kinda like Butch. I'd prolly get into the same situation in that sicko's shop. I'd prolly go through the hammer>baseball bat>katana bit. Prolly get off the hook with a crime lord the same way, lol. I loved that part, ah. Hot katana loving.

I recommend it to all. Just, if cussing makes you break out with a rash or be damned by whatever dumb deity you worship, you might want to avoid it. Also there is a small.. tiny.. little.. bit.. of blood. Just a tad. ;D

Well, yeah. I think I might just go read or something. No promises, though. Haha.

Sayonara chickas, dudes, dudettes, heads of state and otherwise.

*wields his sword and charges into some sort of weird battle*

The Impossible Dream

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear the unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
To right the unrightable wrong
To be better far than you are
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star
This is my quest to follow that star
No matter how hopeless, No matter how far
To fight for the right
Without question or pause,
To be willing to march into hell
For a heavenly cause
And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will be peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest
And the world would be better for this
That one man scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star.

-Joe Darion

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