Sunday, August 8, 2004

Once again, as predicted, left my broken heart open and you ripped it out.
Somethin's got me reelin, stop me from believin'- turn me around again.

Sugar Ray's old CD= l337.

GodDAMN if I am not tired as shit.

Here's what occurred, what came to pass, etc.

I spent a week in Brownwood, Texas visiting at an OBers house-an oldschool OBer from way before a huge chunk of you. It was interesting, I suppose. I really didn't enjoy seeing that part of America- the impoverished side. Not again, anyway. It was too familiar- accents were different, but still familiar.

I dunno. Why would you move there for family? That's foreign to me. My family is.. not my family. You know? The only family I have is this hodgepodge collection of friends from real life and offline. My dad, my mom- they aren't my dad or my mom. It's that simple, really. All they seek is some sort of reason for them to have lived- their first two children turned out to be failures, their success as parents hinges on my sociopathic shoulders.

Technically? I'm feeling better about being a bastard. My mom, you know- she mighta been the worst mother on earth, but I ended up having so many of her qualities. That nomadic quality, that need to run away. You look out on the horizon and feel it tugging at you- you gotta run away, something calls to you. Some escape, I have to escape. Exit stage right, yeah. I hate being in one place for so long. I have to move, I have to breathe, I have to see new places to BE.

Ugh, she had the same thing- that need to run away. She didn't have the wisdom, the intellect for it. Ended up crashing and burning. My fate is something similar but it's like I just don't care- I would die stationary, if I die in movement then what else can I do? I am living in the wrong age for wondrous exploration- the age where realism kills. So be it, I guess. Apathy- regardless of the wishes of others, I'm not submitting to the stereotypical path to your final resting place. Something less grand, something more grand- who cares? As long as it's what I want to do. Scared? Nah, not really. What's to fear? You'll die eventually. Pass away doing something you can smile about. So early deaths comes, for me? For you? Nah, I don't think so. Evasive tactics- 100 percent sure that I can exist in motion.

Childish! Maybe. Sure, whatever. Young at heart, too young- realistically? Failure looms. Imaginatively? The sky's the limit, baby. Flak fire can do nothing to high fliers. Landing amongst the stars? Shoot for the moon first. RIP, first class ticket to nowhere- RIP, first class ticket to fulfilling self.

RIP, KAH.

I can do it. Trust me. [Overused phrases are now in bold XD].

Final day, parents freak- told them I would be staying for a week, it was flexible. Might be till a little before or after Saturday- zine OBer's mom says mon/tue, no prob- inform the 'rents. The fuhrers freak and threaten to call the police if I'm not home by 9.

End result? Piece of shit guardians practically forced her to come. Shaken up Ken, unreasonable parents= Ken cusses father out in force, ending conversation with a "go to hell" and a hung up phone.

Not grounded? Suave. Lucky? Nah, it was my skills. [right.]

As I said prior to this, E S C A P E. My mom dealt with these fools before, no wonder she has this tendency that was passed down to me! Dodging bullets is no fun when the bullets are 5 feet from you personally. Bad guardians, no fuhrer-cake for you. NAZI SS INC! Evasive maneuvers [again?!?! death: muahaha ^^].

New Quest Attained- Seek, Find, Purchase and Play The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind [GAME OF THE YEAR EDITION]. EXP reward? 5k. Mad EXP for this quest. o.o

Ugh, darkness in my mind is tainting into this post. School approaches?! Nein! My subjects? Same as always! Graduation year, baby- 16 on the 10th, graduating at 16! Rockin'. Scholar? You bet. Let me lecture you. [...]

Romantically? Bah! Trivial, my dear Wattson. Eventualities and circumstance dominate the subject. Someday, somewhere- for now, bigger things to focus on! Long distance options assaulting your sense, will your promise to yourself hold? Oh yes, I think so.

Trust me.

Reading is joyful, taken it up again- Franz Kafka? Twould be a pleasure. The Metamorphosis? Grand! Hit close to home though. For one morning as I awoke from anxious dreams, I too discovered that in bed I had changed into a...

The subject matter hits close due to reason that are obvious, really. Poor Gregor.

Current events? Eh, what's to say. Consider them as trivial as anything else, for now- happenstance something important occurs, I'm sure somewhere along the line I will form a somehow controversial and offensive opinion by accident, stumbling through a long drama with overtly sensitive and stubborn people. End results are always the same- the broken glass is yours, you clean it up, they are not wrong.

So that is where I have been for a week! Ah yes, along with that was all the realizations, the epiphanies, the drama, the concussions, the convulsions, the closet sex, the repair work, the ideas, the thoughts, the hypothesis, the eternal dreaming. This has become bloated beyond repair! [as if it were an accident.]

Ah, well. All is well in kenland. Trust me. [falsities exist in all facets, I guess.]

DO TELL ME HOW YOU ARE! And speak not lightly, but boldly.

Adios dudes, dudettes, heads of state and otherwise.

PS. The Metamorphosis. Read it.

YAWN.
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