Sunday, August 29, 2004

Tomorrow is just the beginning, we'll burn this motherfucker down.
I spent from 1 AM until around 4:30 reading one hundred and fifty something posts in an old RPG just to resurrect it. Was it worth my time? Fuck, I guess. It is a good RPG and it was a good read. My posts were better than I thought they were- I usually view myself as being a pretty shitty RPer. I need to sign up for a few more, but none have really caught my eye. Suggestions? Invitations? Etc.? Drop me a line. I have done and will continue to do any and all types of RPGs. Little known fact, I used to star in alot of the DBZ rpgs when they were all the craze. Hahaha. Those were the days.

Dunno. Been considering writing a new RPG. Been awhile, been a long while- it's an art, really. One that, even after a lot of practice, continues to be difficult to get down. What makes one good? What types of people make it good? After all this planning, why is it dying at post 26? Questions, answers, revelations and more questions. It's a cycle that never ends because of the dynamics of the situation- it makes it amusing, but it would be much better if the success rate of my RPGs were a little higher than 40 or so percent.

Heh. It's true that i'm no novelist, no grand writer- the only thing I pride myself on is the things I think up, not how I portray the things I think up. Eccentricity, insanity- simple imagination. The choices of what it is are many, but whatever it is I've got it- how useful is it? Hm. It's hit and miss. At least it is there. Useful, useless- either way the option is there. Creation is the greater aspect of writing for me- I might portray it in crude or mediocre ways, but at least it's fanciful. It is good to see other people's fanciful ideas- you aren't alone in your ways.

Fortes and strengths, it comes down to what you are good at. Me? I dunno. You? I do know. Observation is a length process but it is easy to determine what a person is good at within a few days of knowing them. There are alot of talented people squashed into this message board- people who have promise to be something special. Who are they? That's a good question. The answer would be even better, but I'm sure leaving you hanging on how I see it would be more amusing for me.

We'll leave a path of human flesh as a sign of a better way.

You know.. I know a guy who has dreams, aspirations. He has an idea and an ambition that will probably get everyone following him killed. I never really understood how people like that get followers- the people following must be crazy. No, that would be ignorant to say- they must be passionate. To be like them, is that a good thing? I'm not sure. To die for an ideal is romantic, but is it practical?

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure at all.

Does it matter? Yes. Following someone that you are willing to die for is easy to preach about, but when the time really comes and you die- what will it be for? Is your life that easy to give up. Passionately following someone- are you an extremist? A cultist? A fool? Some say it's like a cult, that angers me. It might be like that. But, it is their life to give- and they might not feel they have a reason to exist. Maybe some people are born to be martyred. Existing only to help others until whichtime they die because of their philosophy to "bleed" as much as they can, mentally and physically, for their friends. I wonder if that makes them sad people- incomplete or broken. Wounded to the point of no longer being able to bleed for themselves? Or, would that be selfish. Ah, so much to consider. The sleep of death will come. You might as well be in the middle of a firefight when it does. I trust that those followers put faith in their ability to dodge the bullet- but eventually, they won't. I guess.. everyone needs some people to die for them. For the greater good? For the whole. Self-sacrifice as a doctrine is surprisingly lacking in the payment department. Almost ironically so- no one bleeds for you back. That doesn't matter.. I'm sure those followers are resolute in their path until whichtime they are outclassed or deemed obsolete by their commander.

Such is the way of life it seems.

The Grenade in Mouth Tragedy

The other aspect I see in some of these people, these followers, is that they are deemed human weapons. They are designated by their leader to be killers. Generals, soldiers- it doesn't matter what rank you are. You are being made to kill. Your ideas are ones on how to kill people. Being a weapon like that, I can imagine that it feels quite strange. Being told that this murder, this taking of another life- this is what you have to do. Or, as a General, you have to devise a plan- a plan to kill as many people as efficiently as possible. Slaughtering each other mindlessly, opposing plans colliding- it is almost sad. Human weapons, huh? Does that make them less of a person if they are murderous? Blood on their hands. "I will kill people. How will people treat me?" Feared, loathed, hated. There is no way to justify murder- but there are plenty of ways to put it into a different light. Taking their soul, taking their life, ending their existance.

Really, what will it be like for them.

I hope that they can be forgiven for their murder. Their sanctioned murder. The blood on their hands, the lives they took. I hope they can be forgiven. They might be doing it in the name of someone, but the ramifications of doing any sort of killing probably is lost in their blinded following. Ahh.. what could it be like.

To pull the trigger, to watch their bodies limp. To see them die. Yet, it probably won't shock them- it can't shock them, they have to be killing machines. For governments, for officers, for men, for women- it's sad. All they are being trained to do is kill until your mission is over, you die or you are wounded- maybe not even when you are wounded.

The only Grim Reapers I see are around me, dressed in human clothes, talking like humans do and smiling the sweet smile of pseudo-normalcy. Will those followers too have the willpower to be that?

To think these things leads to loopholes and dead-ends. Answers always evade you when things are so speculative or personal. But.. really, it is the warriors way. If they are not blind murderers, if they are warriors. Is it different? What constitutes a warrior? That's a good question. The answer evades me at the moment, but I do know there is a different between a serial killer and a warrior- it might be honor, it might be a personal code, it might be the practice of being something different than a slayer of all in his path.

Truly, they must hope to be warriors. They shoot to be that- they fear they might delve into the realm of the mindless slaughterer, however. But what they, the followers, must be hoping to be is a warrior. Such lofty goals brewed in such young minds. Let's hope they reach their goal, for the blood they will stain their hands in will be great.

I'll be here to clean you up.

Off more serious and morbid topics, I think I'll run off and look for some sort of RPG to join. I hope you all are doing quite well in whatever life you are in the midst of living and that you continue to cruise along.

Drop me a line if you have any specific RPG you think I should decimate with my lacking skills.

Sayonara dudes, dudettes, heads of state and otherwise.
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