Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Amorphus.
I have this sneaking suspicion that lurks in the more gray recesses of my mind that somehow I must be the butt of a large practical joke or something. You know, like "Chapter XVI; Act III- 'The Mad Season'"- Starring Kenneth A. Howell, lead. No, the trip wasn't bad. It was just.. oddly eccentric, like most everything that occurs around me seems to be. It had it's quirks- weird little bumps in the road that gave it more life than it would have normally had. But yeah.

Maybe I like those bumps.

Learn to Fly.

All throughout the trip I was obviously assaulted with driving. The driving parts were pretty taxing. I did a lot of driving, focused mainly on the two days we were in Hot Springs herself. It's irritating- Most of the time I'm on the road I feel like I'm the only one going remotely near the speed limit- yet I know that in some Shakespearian act of comedy, if I sped myself I would prolly get intercepted by a police officer in a split second. And the close calls these people get- slicing between two cars like they were just sliding some ham between two pieces of bread. That's a one shot maneuver, dude- either you perfectly get within one foot of the car in front and behind you or you become road debris. What's up with that? Why take that chance? Chill, dude. If you go hurtling into my lane because you think you are a ninja behind the wheel, I am going to be mighty pissed since I wasn't doing jack SHIT whilst you pretended to be that dude in the Bourne Identity. I mean, jeez- just chill. Collateral damage is a term I do not want to become familiar with.

As you drive further and further east the southern accent starts lacing in every word the people are saying like tar. I suddenly had a realization that there IS a profound difference between a Texas accent and a Southern accent, as all the people in Arkansas must have been straight out of a badly made western comedy starring Jackie Chan. Well, they seemed like pretty smart people. A few of them were like your typical redneck- a guy that you just stare at. Like this "o.o;;;" or like this "o.O...", you know? But uh, yeah. Majority of people in Arkansas came off as being pretty educated.

.... Yeeee-ap...

That accent was pretty cute on the chickas though, *rubs chin*.

Heaven Beside You.

The accommodations my mom chose were mediocre. 1 La Quinta, 1 Best Western, 1 "Velda Rose Resort and Spa" hotel. The La Quinta and Best Western were both alright, too short in vertical height for my taste. I like a view of the sky, a view of the ground, a view; period- the eight floor room of the Velda Rose more than provided for that.

I sat out there, at around 1-6 AM at night, reading my books. Just sitting there, 8 floors up- it was such a great feeling for something so simple. No one around, obviously- nothing to disturb you. Just you, a view and your book. Yeah. Hotels to me need some heightage to make up for the fact you are staying in a bedroom with a bathroom the size of a small closet. Gotta trade me for that bull. The only problem with the Velda Rose is that one of it's elevators was M.I.A.- so the whole time this one, poor little elevator was moving it's little ass up and down as fast as it could. It was a solid effort, but not nearly enough [a few times, while waiting for it, I got pissed enough to just jog down the stairs. lol.]

Yeah. A hotel is a hotel, I suppose. Not too much more to say, unless you want an architectural background.

... *bites lip* *sigh*

So, the building was designed in...

Lukewarm Springs.

The cities I was blessed to spend the night in aside from H.S. were Greenville, Texas and Texarkana, Arkansas/Texas. I don't recommend either unless you A.) Have alot of Kerosene. B.) Have alot of patience. C.) Are willing to commit oriental ritualistically suicide to run from the pain. D.) Carry five books with you. I chose D, and the time passed quicker. Don't go there unless you absolutely have to. Not much to see/do- just a place some unfortunates are stuck in for awhile, lol. Hot Springs was a wee bit better. I wasn't too enthralled by it- the only buildings who I enjoyed aesthetically were the Bath Houses on bath house row and the Army-Medical Hospital, which was just cool in my book. Large, lumbering, cool looking- it had it all. Not too much else in the town was great.

Oh wait..

Spirit of the Wood.

The natural aspect was great, except for my mom. We went up on the Hot Springs mountain observation tower- my mom insisted on staying down stairs which is a bit unusual I must stay. She isn't usually the one to mill about, hmm. The tower had a majestic view. ALthough, I was assaulted by wasps as we arrived up there, but an army of wasps won't hurt Ken. :D

Turns out, as I learned much later, she has anxiety attacks. See, the trail around Hot Springs mountain is 1.7 miles long. I like a good hike, so I decided to go on it and She decided to follow me. I tried to explain this to her several times- it's a loop, it's pretty long, etc. Eventually she starts freaking out that we are "going in circles" [1.7 mile diameter loop= that's improbable at best]She started saying stuff about night falling soon and animals coming out to devour us or w/e. I explained that this should be a spiritual experience with her- in her opinion, her benevolent God had created all the life around us. I asked her to take it in instead of freaking out on me.

Didn't work, so...

I smacked some sense into her with my water bottle. Of course I was right, of course my navigation was correct and of course my legs were bloody well tired. Small price to pay to be one with nature. It was beautiful. I took two more hikes on different mountains thoughout the weekend and enjoyed it immensely [until come morning today, my legs were M.I.A.]. On one of them, the West Mountain, my mom had been talking about how I would make a good mountain man. I was good at negotiating terrain, good at getting over it quickly, good at foraging, etc. About this time a guy walks up wielding a cane and an old school bikers helmet on, with long graying hairs and a pretty eccentric look in his eyes.

"How's it going?" I asked.

"They won't shoot ya if you got red on, no sir. Won't shoot ya because of red."

I grinned and agreed, parting with him. A short distance away, mom said something about reiterating her point about me being an exceptional mountain man.



So.. I smacked her with her empty water bottle again.

The Phantom Tollbooth.

Amongst the other weird things that occurred, two to three stick out in my mind. On the last day at the Velda Rose, of all days, the Maintence elevator broke and the power was flickering on and off from a nearby thunderstorm. So *everyone*, even the employees, had ONE elevator to use. That thing was going about as fast as a 56k modem- slow, loud and leaving you with the impression it's getting there.

So, we were on the 8 floor as you will recall. And, you take baggage with you to hotels, as you probably know. Add it all up and you get to me being as tired as Moses after the 10 plagues. Man I was winded. But I did it! By some form of deity, I did it. SLow, laborious, always whistling- ya have to whistle while you work, 'cha know?

Other funny thing happened in Greenville, at the La Quinta. I was unpacking the SUV [we were on the bottom floor out of two] and I glance up to see this little girl standing in her room's doorframe, just kinda staring out into the sky behind me.

So I stuck my tongue out at her.

She glanced down and I quickly pretended like I had done nothing at all. She stuck her tongue back out at me, and thusly a funny-face war was born. I dunno who won, it lasted several hours [sporadic fighting, as each of us saw each other going about our business on the hotel compound] and was vicious, in your face [;)] fighting. I came out alive eventually and did a fighting retreat out of Greenville, in the direction of San Antonio.

So maybe the girl won. :P

I also got in a few car wrecks from the crazy people up there. *shakes fist* whipper snappers. Don't make me beat your ass in with my books.

Final weird thing was my choice of souvenirs. I'm kinda whacky, so I decided to get a novelty movie poster from the 1950's movie "Attack of the 50. Ft Woman". Why? Why not? ;D It's an amusing little thing- decorating the area to the left of my monitor. Woo.

She says hello.

Thomas.

Mmk. I'm passing out on my desk. Good night folks.

It's good to be back.

Reply to comments from Friday, October 15, 2004

Lady Lea- Trees. Mountains. Hicks. Smart hicks. Food. Buildings. In about that order, actually. ;)

DDG- Hot Springs is the boyhood home of Bill Clinton. *spurs on your journey into the void known as "facts you will never need to know"*

Shin- All Arkansasians [... something like that] seek to take the Clintonian Exodus, to leave their state for the grand, developed world beyond.

Rox- Welp. There were alot of plants. Mountains. Buildings. Roads. People. Black people. White people. Not too many mexicans ["OMFG I'M A MINORITY AGAIN" - Ken] Why the hell was I going there? My grandmom used to live there. She insisted I see it once before I depart to whatever path I take in life.

Karma- When they say Hot Springs, they mean it. o.o

Errr... that is to say...

... Nothing.

P.S. 3 Libras is overrated. Thomas, Sleeping Beauty, Magdelena all own that track into the fucking ceiling and back. I adore the song Thomas, with most of my being. Feel that music, yeah.

P.P.S. I was navigator on this trip. All hail the King of maps! Long live the King!

P.P.P.S. I need a vaction.......
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