Tuesday, January 4, 2005

Omerta.
This isn't a full post, really- I just need a literary critique. I wanted to post a story in this thread, but I'm not sure it is good enough to go there. Do you think this story is on par with the ones in there? My style sucks. <_<;

Ressurection. [M]

My eyes shot open and traced along the wall, a wicked grin slowly revealing itself on my face... that was my answer. I can't really remember how long ago it was- that day, that blessing of a day when I sat down and told myself.. "those fuckers are going to pay". It was a pleasurable, relieving thought- throwing myself to the dogs like that, just dropping the hammer down. Right on target- *pow*, there it was.. my plan. Suicidal as it was, I knew that someone had to do it- let justice be done, though heaven may fall.. right? Quietly pondering, cleverly thinking- it could be done. It would be done. I will be my agent of justice, my vengeance will be attained through blood and toil. An eye for an eye..

Middle of suburbia, the wasteland of houses that repeat themselves over and over- there I was, in my basement- dark and light fighting a pitched battle around me. Reading over manuals, looking to see how *they* did it, those professional rapists, them- those slaughterers of millions, pigs of war, whatever you called them. I studied and learned, how those masters of murder did it. I acquired the necessary resources- my armaments, my weapons. They would be an extension of myself, another arm- another ligament, striking down those that did me so much harm. Building, creating- expanding... my own abilities. I was ready, yes- I was finally ready. I glanced at the clock- it was almost time.

D-Day. 0 hour. I stepped gingerly into the limelight, feeding on the glow of the atmosphere- people talking, people laughing, people existing- so carefree. I felt different- just.. different. Now I'm the one carefree, now I'm breathing- living, existing.. I no longer fear them, all of them together.. they hold no power over me, I am finally *free*. Smile, actor- smile! You're the main character now, this act is all about you! I reached under my coat and took out the gun, pointing it at the nearest person. It was a teenage girl walking towards me- an angel of a being, so out of reach, so perfect, so lovely, so.. guilty. I still remember the shock on her face, the pure essence of fear draping across her face as I pulled the trigger- shot her point blank, right in the heart. The angel had fallen- how easily they had fallen, from their high perch above me. It was like the seas had parted, people running this way and that- all because of me. Shot after shot, bullet after bullet- I had to get them all, they all had to understand the lesson that I had to teach- they must know the definition of pain. Bodies falling everywhere, blood slowly seeping onto the floor.. screaming, fear, chaos. Beautiful. It was so.. beautiful.

I had finally awoken.

Omerta PT. II.

Either this ends here, or it continues- I don't really care either way, lol. I want to know how it compares- to them, the people in the thread.

I'm no writer. I imagine, I create- but it's hard for me to place the worlds in my head into any other form. It's an intriguing problem, lol.
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