Sunday, December 21, 2003

A Lachrymose Memento.
Is there no one that is bound to me? A soul mate, mayhap. Something destined, something true.

A time of love and happiness amongst family members, no? What love can exist when your family is not in your house and your adoptive family merely puts salt in the wounds. To make a holiday so that we are reminded to give- what a destructive dellima. To have to remind ourselves to have good will.

What good will can exist on this world? A place that has none left, even the sporadic moments cannot forgive the sins of the rest. The sins? The problems, the way things are handled.

No one is bound to me, why is there not a soulmate for me? I have lost someone I thought was it, there has to be someone. People find their one true loves consistantly but I seem destined to be the last of my line. Too early to tell? No. I doubt it.

My purpose seems to be a great moment and then nothing, there should be no one after me. I am not a good person, no matter what people say- I am efficent, not good. If something is in my way, I curtail it no matter what.

There should be no more people like I left, I should not send my traits down and my hatred down into another. With this abnormality comes the last time it will exist with my genes. Or will it?

I cannot tell you what the future holds, the lonliness that coats the world in a shade of gray should leave, but it won't for awhile it seems. I have a destiny to manifest it seems, the world we know of will probably not be the same due to what will occur in the next two years.

The Great Tribulation, a trial to end all trials for those that wish to stil lexist. Coherant to all thought and knowledge, it will be a time that you will wish you were not able to wish, to be sentinent, to be alive.

MElodramatics and illfated prophecies aside, there is no reason for I to be joyous when times of joy come. I have lost too many a person, lost whatever meaning there was behind joy. There is nothing for me in a holiday of falsities, and people who eagerly accept these falsities just to be reminded what compassion is. To exist in this world is dysfuntional in itself, to be a dysfunction in this world is more unique than I care to be.

The third dimension to every object always seems to be the darkest, and the one that everyone ignores to keep themselves content. The fourth dimension, if it exists on the object, always seems to be the truth behind the darkness.

What of the future, I wonder. The people that do not wish to see that is there to be seen, that which should be seen but if it is seen will destroy a large part of their facade of perfection.

This time is the time I am closest to the hell that was my past, the time that should not come.

I asked a man who I know will be great someday last night to have the right to kill the people that put me in that place because of my mental abnormalities and my rebellion against the medication. I hope that he agrees to this right because they must die to atone for there sins against my person. The be controlled by medicine is something that should not occur in this system anymore, it makes it less personal to expierence pain. They will die if I have my way, and they will die the longest deaths I can give them.

No one should go to those places. It is a place where hell dominates your persona and heaven turns away to allow the "regeneration" of your mind into something you don't want to be occur.

Death to the slavedrivers of minds. They will get their own soon enough.
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