Thursday, October 9, 2003

The intricacies of life and the clockwork of the pale blue sky.
I was thinking about how much of a magical world this could possiblely be. Our ancestors spoke of varying form of folklore- fairies, goblins, demons. Indian Shamans say that our minds choose to avoid seeing the magical realm, to avoid seeing the true chaos that rules the world.

I think that might be true. There has to be something more to this Earth than is in plain veiw- something that we could reach out and touch if we could only accept the fact that it could be there.

It suprises me, really. People tell me to take my heads out of the clouds, yet they worship invisible dieties without a second thought. I think that we lost something human as time progressed, and that now all we can do is read and write stories about the magical things we used to see and worry about.

Maybe I am crazy. I could care less, the generic path of life is too generic and overdone. What a great fucking suprise that would be to all the world- science couldn't explain it, religion couldn't explain it.

Demons, magic, Gods. Humans still do things for invisible beings today- the aforementioned religions, racial traditions throughout the world. To avoid mystical beings, to get their aid, to talk to them.

Hmm. Who knows. Magic or no, maybe that is what everyone yearns for. The realization of a dream that shouldn't be able to be realized. The dream of peace, the dream of eternal life, the dream of Gods.

That would be nice though. Heh.

A Quiz from Juu's site

YOUR NAME: Kenneth Andrew Howell
YOUR AGE: 15
YOUR HOBBIES: Thinking far too much.
WHAT MAKES YOU SPECIAL: Not too much.
IF YOU COULD HAVE THREE WISHES, WHAT WOULD THEY BE: A.) Clairvoyance. B.) Wisdom. C.) The ability to grant my own wishes.
WHAT'S YOUR DREAM JOB: History Professor, Military Tactician.
DOES WRITING EVER MAKE YOU CRY: No.
WHAT SONG DESCRIBES YOU BEST: Painting the White to Grey by Chimaira.

Find the lyrics and you will see why.
IF YOU COULD GO TO A DESERTED ISLAND, WHO AND WHAT WOULD YOU BRING: The OB gang and some building materials. What a dramatic situation :P
WHAT IS YOUR STAND ON SCHOOL: Without it, I would not be able to compose these sentences.
NAME THE CDS YOU HAVE LISTENED TO TODAY: Hmm. I listened Chimaria 'Pass Out Of Existance', Strapping Young Lad's selftitled release, I clocked in an hour or so on Mastodon's Remission and finally I chilled to Otep's CD, 'Sevas Tras'.
WHO DID YOU LAST TALK TO ON THE PHONE: My... mom..
DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY: Liberal, agnostic, semi-cynical, morose fucktard.
DESCRIBE YOUR LOOKS: Someone said I looked like the Jolly Green Giant.
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF? IF SO, WHAT: I would prefer my eyes to have a more striking, rare color. But I am pretty content.


<3 # # ; ; [[ [ PART TWO -- >> what is your favorite ....

COLOR: Crimson.
SONG: Hmm. Mother Puncher by Mastodon.
BAND : Pig Destroyer.
NUMBER: 7.
ALBUM: Anything by Elton John. [haha.]
SCENT: Rain.
FOOD: Curry Chicken.
ACTOR: John Rhys-Davies.
ACTRESS: Liv Tyler.
PLACE: Forests, The River Styx.
PERSON: Historical? Prolly Wellington or Karl Marx. Now? Too many people. Tori, Neil, Travis and Liz come to mind.
QUOTE: "There are two possibilities for me: To win through with all my plans, or to fail. If I win, I shall be one of the greatest men in history. If I fail, I shall be condemned, despised and damned." - Adolf Hitler, Nazi Germany Dictator, Prior to the start of World War 2.
ANIMAL: Hawks.
THING TO DO: Play strategy and roleplaying games.
MOVIE: Bowling for Columbine, Silence of the Lambs, Lawrence of Arabia, The Excorsist, Platoon.


<3 # # ; ; [[ [ PART THREE -- >> this or that

RAIN OR SUN: Rain.
BLACK OR WHITE: Black.
FALL OR SUMMER: Fall.
BOY OR GIRL: Girl.
BOY/GIRLFRIEND OR FRIEND: Girlfriend.
ONLINE OR OFFLINE: Online.
RENTING MOVIES OR MOVIE THEATRE: Renting.
POEMS OR SONGS: Poems.
VH1 OR MTV: Fuse.
DAY OR NIGHT: Night.
LOVE OR LUST: Love.
SWEET OR SOUR: Sour.
SLEEP OR AWAKE: Awake.
FAME OR MONEY: Money.
THIS OR THAT: That.


<3 # # ; ; [[ [ PART FOUR -- >> what do you think of when you hear this name?

AMY: Asian.
ANDREW: King.
CHRISTINE: Loner.
COLIN: Quinn.
DANIELLE: First girlfriend.
DAMIAN: Italian in a suit with evil intentions.
GINA: To live.
GREG: Syke.
ISABELLE: Queen.
IAN: Friend.
KATIE: Prep in gradeschool I almost fucking killed.
KYLE: Fish.
MARY: YHWH.
MARK: Apostle.
OPAL: Katmandu. [That was a strange process.]
OLIVER: Red.
SAMANTHA: Wishbone. [Sam was cute.]
STEVE: Matthews.


<3 # # ; ; [[ [ PART FIVE -- >> what do you think of when you hear this word?

LOVE: Inhospitable.
MUSIC: Art taken for granted.
PERFECTION: Ensanguined dolls amongst a white backdrop, a cruicifed angel above them.
VIRTUE: Fifth of the nine orders of Angels in Christian Mythology.
CRAZY: Release.
HAPPY: Evasive.
ABUSE: The unpleasant sounds of a child screaming mixed with the dashed dots of crimson across a floor, both of them shattering your inner safety like a bullet to the heart.
HATE: Envolps.
HORROR: Reality.
PAIN: Curtailed.
EMOTIONS: Gifts.
EYES: The birthplace of a virgin.
SOUL: Mortality.
RELIGION: Double edged sword.
GOVERNMENT: Humans controlling humans as humanly possible.

<3 # # ; ; [[ [ PART SIX -- >> some random questions

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK, WHY: I enjoyed a book called "Anarchism Throughout History". It proved to me that anarchies can work when you have a limited number of people, like Democracies. When you get too many people, it starts to buckle and fail. But it could work.. if your situation is right.
HENDRIX, JOPLIN, MORRISON, ETC, : Jesus three freckles.
WHO'S YOUR ROLE MODEL AND WHY: No one. I could care less about role models, most people are stupid fucktards anyway. Take a smattering of the best things you learn and become your own role model, you lazy asswipes.
WHAT ARE YOU EATING/DRINKING: Diet Vanilla Coke.
WHAT TIME IS IT RIGHT NOW: 5:18 AM.
DID YOU HAVE A GOOD OR BAD DAY: Nuetral.
WHAT WOULD YOU DIE FOR: A day without thinking too much.
DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN THREE WORDS: Liberal, tainted, student.
WHAT DO HOLIDAYS MEAN TO YOU: Shit on TV, People saying optimistic shit, other people getting gifts and general annoyances that make them the stupidist days of hte years.
DO YOU LIKE YOUR FAMILY: No.
WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU WANT: Prolly a truck.
WHAT TYPE OF THINGS DO YOU DO WITH YOUR FRIENDS: Pagan orgies, human sacrifices.
WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT BEING FIVE: Nothing.
WHAT IS THE DEFINITION OF A SELL OUT: Tolerated person gone poser.
WHAT ARE YOUR FLAWS: I eat Jews.


<3 # # ; ; [[ [ PART SEVEN -- >> your love life

ARE YOU CURRENTLY TAKEN? IF SO, TO WHO?: No one.
IF NOT, WHO IS THE OBJECT OF YOUR INFATUATION: If you hang around me, you might find out.
WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST KISS LIKE OR WHAT DO YOU WANT IT TO BE LIKE: First it was suprise, then it was more suprise, then it settled into an overtly happy+sexual feeling.
DESCRIBE THE PERFECT BOY/GIRL: Liberal, intellectual, reasonable looking, non-feminist, agnostic.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE: Unfortunately.
IF SO, WHO WAS THE LUCKY PERSON: Nelly, Alex, Reina.
WOULD YOU GO OUT WITH SOMEONE, JUST TO SAY YOU'RE GOING OUT: No.
DESCRIBE THE DREAM DATE: Dinner, Movie, Hangout at one of our homes and talk.
DO YOU THINK IT'D BE FULFILLED: It sounds easy enough. o.o
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANYONE, WHO WOULD IT BE: No one.
DO YOU FLIRT OR TEND TO LAY LOW: I flirt like mad sometimes.
WOULD YOU MAKE THE FIRST MOVE? WHY/WHY NOT: Yes. Someone has to.

Aside from that..

I have had this strange yearning feeling when I think about raising a little girl. That is like the ultimate goal in my life.. to raise up a young girl into a fine young woman, watch her become something that would make the world bow to her beauty and to her intelligence. I would be able to beam in pride, or something stereotypically fatherlike.

That would make me happy, actually. That is probably why I want to do it eventually. It would make me have a sense of accomplishment.

Yea. I like that. Ken raising a little girl. That is a great dream I hope to realize.

But who to realize it with. The real questions are always looming off to the side, aren't they?

The ones that count as much as the one you asked.

But, maybe, someday I will be able to marry and settle down, or adopt.

And then Ken will be happy and he hopes that his little daughter will be happy, too.
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