Wednesday, September 21, 2005

maybe it wouldnt be that bad if you had let me be me....
ohhhh yeah bad news one...west nile is back in town. two my friends think i have it....hmmmm. i think they are wrong...anyways still sick. and havnt been on the puter lately. i have been to busy with school. damnit my one history teacher hates me.. wonder why...

but yeah i dont know. the pressure of finding a new job...the pressure of every thing. god. *sigh* all i do anymore is lots of homework and hack up my guts. its gross i know. i am the one doing it remember. lol.

awwwwww ok yeah i am i have no clue. but later on you guys. outlaw josie walse.

psst! hey look i have some news though party on oct. first!!! yes!
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Sunday, September 18, 2005

no doors song thing today
ahhhhhhhhh tired. getting over my curs-ed cold. lol. its kinda late i guess but early for me. i am a night bird. up all night sleepin all day lol. but here i am drinking my morning pick me up. today is my buds b-day. and i have the worst pos. postition to be in...well my one friend wants me to go to a softball game. (i like baseball not softball) and like i said before my others b-day. i think i need to spend it with the birthday girl you know? but...anyways lol. oh yeah my icon. i got it from this funny kinda weird comic about rammstein. good fuckin god. i dont know lol. anyways. i am off. cross your fingers that softball friend wont be mad at me skipping. well later on outlaw josie walse
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Friday, September 16, 2005

We shall go on playing...Or find a new town...Yeah!...
i know i havnt been around much...i have been kinda busy. i have 3 fucking history classes....-_-' anyways what is the name of someone who wakes you up at 4:30 am on a school day? wes. yep that fucker woke me up he was drunker than a skunk to. i mean came into my room and woke me up. cause he like you have to get ready for school...oh god.

and um school sucks and i am kinda going into ninja hermit mode. i dont know why but lately i have been really down. i mean meloncholy....i dont know. i do need to get the hell out of here though. and today i stayed home from school. i am sicker than a dog...every one says i have the cold from smoking. damnit.its not....anyways i stayed home and cleaned the whole house pretty much. and wes did come over and omg....last night i got this guys number ok. well wes acts like an ass cause he was all pissy and jealous. and he freaked on me and i freaked back. he was leaving and i walked up the stairs behind him and told him its not fair of him to expect me not to get peoples numbers. and its bullshit that he gets mad and we arnt together. and that i have problems to. that i need someone there for me. i called his mom and talked to her for a long time. shes such a nice person. and then he came back over, and we talked. b ut let me tell you what people use me. cause i am a compasionate person. and i care for people. but one of these days i will be gone and they will relize how much they needed me and how much i mean to them. i told wes this. he knows now that i care for him alot i also told him how he hurts me...and now i think we are as close as it gets. well later on.....outlaw josie walse
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Sunday, September 11, 2005

Strange days have found us...Strange days have tracked us down...They're going to destroy...Our casual joys....
Hey guys what’s up nothing here is really great. I am getting a cold god why me???!!!! This blows. Uh. Anyways I think I will start putting my poetry up seeming as I have nothing else to do Hashanah. But it’s the weekend so I am happy. And I am going to go pick a couch to lounge on. Ohhhh yeah. that’s good. I had a nightmare last night…I cant remember what it was about all I know is I woke up breathing hard and I got out of bed fast pulled cloths on and just left. I had to get out and get some air….I was freaking out bad. I mean I saw my friend bite and he wow like calm down god what’s wrong??? I said bad dream and kept on walking. I went to the store and had a smoke and went over to this girls house and hung out with her. I taught her little brother a magic trick with a penny. Hahahahahhaha…. Anyways here’s some poems!

hope doesn't float, it sinks to the bottom of my heart

I hate this nothing to do but wait around for something that wont come. hope it doesn't float it sinks to the bottom of my heart. but still I wait for what I don't know. maybe a dream that might come true. though I can see the ugly truth. it wont. hope it doesn't float it sinks to the bottom of my heart. and yet I am still here. waiting. thinking. being led astray. and how my heart is heavy how it aches. and still I wait. wait. breathe is lost on the stars. and smiling lips are raw. hope a beautiful word with a lie for its meaning. sitting or dreaming lost hope will never float. not in me at least.

random thoughts home from NJ

it doesn't have a meaning
as instantaneous and almost tedious
not heart warming or heart felt
an isolation so complete and in depth
mental concentration camp
and a physical enlightenment plan
all wrapped in a kiss
tears and saliva mixed
eyes of the sphinx
but not nearly so cunning
more blank and stand offish
entrapment the free wail
death is dear and a big fear
stupid, blind, deaf, and dumb
in your face and on your business
sniffing and nosing like a dog
at a piece of meat
neatly placed on a trash can lid
listen as the feet stomp
and under us all is a troll
waiting to come out and eat our petty souls



No Point To Exiles

Who am I who are you
Are you looking for someone to
Are you an exile just like me
Would you like to travel with me
Let us wander together
From mountains to the seas
Let us wander together
Because you remind me of me
Seeing the sadness in your eyes
Brings shinning tears to mine
You had stolen heart
I lay down in the field
Waiting to drown
In the flood of tears that flows
There never was a point to you or me
There never was a point
There never was a point to exiles


Outlaw Josie Walse
=^-^=
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Friday, September 9, 2005

This is the end, Beautiful friend
damn my softy heart. I talked to Wes and kinda worked it out....well I know he likes me and Dena said he’s afraid of falling for me and bla blah blah....but he got really jealous when this kid grabbed my boob. hahahahaha. wow.

any ways last night I went out. for the first time in a long time. I have been torn between a lot of things lately...like this summer I have changed so much. I have always been mature for my age. but now its kicking in bad. like my old friends I cant stand them except for a few. like the two I went out with tonight my friend jess and her boyfriend Seth. I talked to Seth and I told him that I am in a bad period right now like I realized I don’t know who I am....I have no clue anymore. I am so lost its not funny. its to the point I cant even find my way through a wet paper bag...its scary. I have always knew who I was. but. god.

Wes an I made up I guess. I don’t know. I need to find myself. so bad. that’s why I want to go to Europe. to find myself.

anyways jess I tryin to get me to go on a date with her older brother hahahhaaa....god. I am done for now.

The Out Law Josie Walse =^-^'=
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Wednesday, September 7, 2005

The streets are fields that never die.....
omg i dont know...i have decided to run from me probs. hahahaha. this summer i am going to backpack across europe you know stop in a town work for a bit then move on.....so i dont have to deal with wes anymore.....freedom? i think so! god i hate this ok this is my pals and my convo...

Exoh SO emo: Hi josie
theres osie: whats up
Exoh SO emo: Nofin
Exoh SO emo: Chilling with Paul
theres osie: paul?
Exoh SO emo: The kid pounding like drums next to me
Exoh SO emo: lol
theres osie: oh i see hahaha not really but you know
Exoh SO emo: Ha
Exoh SO emo: I know
theres osie: i just left denas house
Exoh SO emo: Cuz I am Stew/
Exoh SO emo: With Wes?
theres osie: wes was there
theres osie: yeah and guess what that fucker wouldnt look at me and he is drunk
theres osie: so i was like i'll see you guys later
Exoh SO emo: Oh I'm sorry dear
Exoh SO emo: wait.
Exoh SO emo: wasn't he NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DRINKING AGAIN?
Exoh SO emo: I'mma fuck him up.
theres osie: please
theres osie: do that
Exoh SO emo: Wes knows better.
theres osie: yeah well he knows better than to do pills
theres osie: he promised me but you know what i think he still is cause he was talking about it
Exoh SO emo: Prolly
Exoh SO emo: Hes fucking wes
Exoh SO emo: I FOUND DONNIE!
theres osie: i cant stand it lol. this summer i am moving. and i am going to go back packin cross europe....you did?
Exoh SO emo: Yeah
Exoh SO emo: I seen him monday night when I was walking down to pauls.
Exoh SO emo: He moved down on third street somewhere
theres osie: yeha
Exoh SO emo: I told him you missed him
Exoh SO emo: and that he had to go visit you
theres osie: i do he called yesterday
Exoh SO emo: Yay!
Exoh SO emo: It worked
theres osie: to tell me he was comin up! lol thanks stew
Exoh SO emo: Yeah Im awesome
Exoh SO emo: Not really thoe
Exoh SO emo: Eww lamb of god...
theres osie: but i really hate wes now...i mean every i look at him i am torn between the fact i care for him and the fact i hate him right now
Exoh SO emo: well punch him in the nads
Exoh SO emo: you'll fgeel better
Exoh SO emo: feel*
theres osie: lol you should come see me
theres osie: i miss ya
Exoh SO emo: I should sooner or later.
theres osie: yeah
theres osie: katelyn says i need to talk to him
Exoh SO emo: ha
Exoh SO emo: talking to wes doesnt do shit
theres osie: i told jeremy i was giving up on him...
Exoh SO emo: what'd jeremy say?
theres osie: and jeremy said go ahead almost every one has....then i got mean
Exoh SO emo: whie'd you get mean?
theres osie: yeah i have it writen down i have to find it haha'
Exoh SO emo: O__o
theres osie: LIKE IT MATTERS IF ONE MORE PERSON GIVES UP HIM HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT ME ANYWAYS I AM JUST THERE IT WONT KILL HIM!!! BESIDES I HATE HIM I HATE HIM WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING.
Exoh SO emo: nice and mean
theres osie: i have a journal on the puter......yeah well its true
theres osie: i dont know
theres osie: fuck it
Exoh SO emo: livejournal?
theres osie: i dont wnat to care
theres osie: no just on word pad

please dont try to contact her but you can bother me. lol. i dont know....and it sucks i always like knowing....later on outlaw josie walse
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Tuesday, September 6, 2005

Oh Tell Me Where Your Freedom Lies....
fourth day of being jobless. uhhhh. any ways guess what stupid son of a bitch comes over at 7:00 in the morning to wake me up yesterday.....Wes. yeah he waltzes in my house hands me flowers and is drunker than a skunk. good god. next thing I know he’s laying in my bed so I lay back down with him and start to fall asleep.

(yeah yeah I know I know...we just kinda cuddled nothing like that you sickos!)but then he wakes me up again and wants to go to his house. and then when we get there. I laid down on his mattress which is in his living room...

(I don’t know why its there)he covers me up an climbs in next to me wraps his arms around me and passes out. lol. well I had to get up by 10:30 am to clean our house cause my family was coming over. so I leave his house about 8:50ish...I asked him to come over later...well he avoids me.

hmmmmmmm. wonder what he thought might have happened that didn’t. but uh god. well I saw Dena and Dez at the store near my house and he was with them. he ignored me. and then Dena said anyone want to do pills? he said yes while looking at me. you guys the only thing I asked of him as a friend was never to do pills again.

because I stayed up with him one night till like 4 in the morning cause he was really sick. and I care for this guy. damn my hopeless romantic and compassionate heart. damn me for caring. I should give up on him...

Jeremy a mutual friend said go ahead every one else pretty much has. well let me tell you what I was kinda mean with my next remark....uhem. I said well yelled. LIKE IT MATTERS IF ONE MORE PERSON GIVES UP HIM HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT ME ANYWAYS I AM JUST THERE IT WONT KILL HIM!!! BESIDES I HATE HIM I HATE HIM WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING.

I should have thought before I spoke. but all I know is that when I said that I was a while ago and here I am blabbering about him. I don’t know I wrote him a small thing on a card...here you guys probably don’t care but I am going to put up what I wrote anyways!

A friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself, That’s what real love amounts to- letting a person be what he really is. - Jim Morrison.

Wes,
I let you be who you really are. I don’t expect any thing of you. But I worry cause the real you is a danger to yourself. And sometimes I don’t know you, the real you. Just like you don’t know the real me. But I'll be there for you. Always...the best I can. remember that.
Josie.

well I want I wouldn’t mind any advise...later on.

the outlaw Josie Walse
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Monday, September 5, 2005

I Would Like To Have Another Kiss......Another Chance At Bliss....Another Kiss.....
welllllll every one third day jobless. it sucks. and i am really pissy. i mean today my brother invades my privacy. by letting all his fucking de de friends in my room.( de de is from the mind of mancia it means ummm window licker...you know) any ways then paul. he is really de de de... and he was listening to my phone convo. with my friend who moved to virginia. well the nthat little de de de fucker tries to start shit between my other friend and me.....bad move buddy cause last night i was in this freaky black rage thing i mean i was ready to kill wes. all he does is think about him self this kid gets drunk high and pops pills. the one night i had to fucking take care of him....and i do take care of him all the time. i cant stand it. the only thing i have ever asked of him. was to never do pills again. and this girl we hang out with. told me two nights ago he was asking her for some pills. i dont know what to do.

1. i dont know where we stand on the whole are we toghether thing or not.

2. i dont like the fact that its about him anymore. i mean i want to talk to him about us as friends and stuff. but he always starts talking about him.

3. i just have no clue so i am in one fuckin situation. i...am at a los. for once in my life i dont fucking know what to do or say.......

i think i am just goping to give on him i cant stand seeing him like this. its hurtting me and i am so distracted with him because i worry. and i dont know. man i fuck it. our friend jeremy said that every one has pretty much givin up on him. and i said (this will sound mean and black hearted) well one more person wont kill him, i mean he doesnt even seem to care. well i am going to try and get my shit together...later on josie
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Saturday, September 3, 2005

i hear a very gentle sound...its saying YOUR FUCKED!!!!!!!!!
well you guys....i am fired. i dont have a job any more...and i have this bad thing going...i could get kicked out of my house...tear, i am really screwed. josie
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Friday, September 2, 2005

Riders On The Storm.......
well it turns out that i might not have a boss to think me and wes are screwing any more.(read last post if you missed it you'll understand) wes came over yesterday. and well said that this lady that works there in the morning said that i am fired. well news for that old bitch. 1: shes not my boss 2:i am still working till billy calls and says i am not 3:they need me right now more than ever cause it will be busy and they are losin one of their other cooks. and i dont know....i quite. thats all i am sick of life and its hassle. i could be a hermit. hahahahaha wow. later on josie
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