Monday, September 24, 2007

I can't sleep.
I'm gonna go to bed after I post this.
Hopefully.

Anyway..
I went to Emily's site yesterday, for the first time in a while.
And after reading her posts, I started crying.
She thought that when I told her I loved her I was lying, when really I wasn't.
I meant it.
Then she thought I was only with her to replace Jenny, which isn't true at all.
I was with her because I loved her.
*sigh*
I always hurt people.
I don't mean too, it's unintentionally, but it happens.
It's probably because I'm so afraid of hurting someone, that I end up doing it.
Anyway, Emily..
If you're reading this, I'm sorry.
I really am.
I never, ever, ever meant to hurt you.
I thought that by not talking to you would help you.
I'm so messed up, and you even said yourself that I have too many problems for you to handle, and you don't need that.
I've missed you so much though.
That's the truth.

I found out that someone else loves me yesterday.
I don't want to hurt her.
Argh..
I don't know what to do.
But she really doesn't deserve to be hurt, no one does.
And that's all I do.

Kiki hasn't talked to me for a few days.
Don't blame her.
She probably hates my guts.

Then I was evil to Dayday last night.
*sigh*

And Jenny..
Well, I have been talking to her but she never answered my last PM.

I apologize to everyone that I've hurt.
I never meant to do it, and if you can't forgive me, I totally and completely understand.

I really don't know why people love me though.
I'm such an awful, horrible person.
I even hate myself.
So how in the world can anyone love me?
I have no clue..

Also..
To those of you who don't know me, and already assume you hate me are assholes.
That's not fair.
Because you don't know me, so how can you hate me?
Sure, chances are you might hate me in the end even if you got to know me, but don't hate me till you get to know me.
Once you know me you can insult me all you want.
I'm sick of seeing such rude comments about me.
It hurts.
I have feelings too.
Surprisingly.

Anyway, I'm gonna go to bed now.
Sorry for the whole rant and stuff.

If I died I wouldn't be able to hurt anyone anymore.

//Britty

Edit: It's 5:12 and I woke up a few minutes ago, and I have this red lump on my shoulder and it hurts so bad.
:(
I think it's a heat rash, but it hurts so much.

Ha, and Ali talked to me on AIM.
XP
She lies..
Nah, she probably won't talk to me at school, or even look at me for that matter.

Anyway, I gotta get ready.
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