Monday, June 5, 2006

I feel rotten. I have never felt this bad in my life. I wish things had never happend I think everything would be fine if nothing had ever happend. I know I'm not making much sense but I wish I was dead. I hate myself so bad right now. well, I'm going to try and get my mind off of it.
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Sunday, June 4, 2006

   Hey everyone! Work was good today. Nothing unsual happend. I got to see Justin again, and the only bad thing was I had to stand for 3hrs. But I'm cool with that. I don't know why but I'm having a really good day so far. Its been awesome. Well, talk to you guys later!
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Saturday, June 3, 2006

Well, I think I am the most confused person alive.... *sigh* I watch too much t.v. I want something I can never have, well I can have it I just can't go where I can get it... I have also decided I don't like the mall, it reminds me to much of what I want. What is this haunting desire you may ask (or not) I want to feel loved.... I'm 19 and the first hug I got from an unrealted guy (my age) was May of this year. I want to feel needed, like someone wants me to be with them. Why does it seem that no matter how hard I try I end up failing, no matter how far I reach its just out of my grasp. I want to say that I love but I am afraid of what will happen, I'm wishing for a future I can never know, I want a hope that will always glow (hey that kinda rhymed) well, thats what I feel right now (its the shorter version though)
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Konichiwa, I had a good time at work, my crush was there and so I was able to talk to him. He is really nice and cool. And another guy was teaching us Japanese!! It was so cool!! Bleh, I have to go to a thing tonight and I don't want to! all we do is play volleyball, which I can't play anyway because I always get hurt, and even when I do play the taller people run me over so I never touch the ball! So I will most likely be in a corner alone like always. I wish I could stay home, I think I said this last time I had to go to this thing, but I can be forgotten in my room just as much as if I went. well, thats all for now.
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Friday, June 2, 2006

In moments dark, through trials deep
The times I could not seem to sleep
In times like these I'd see your face
The lonely times, twas your embrace
You'd pick me up when I was down
You'd make a smile from my frown
It seems that you were always there
Though a smile we'd never share

The truth is sad, this is so
Somethings need to be let go
Through joy and tears we both have shared
Always know, that I still cared
Moving on is sometimes sad
but you can make the saddest glad.
Heart felt, this poem may be,
It came from deep inside of me.
I hope that you have lent an ear,
And that this poem is crystal clear.

I wrote this poem, so read it and weep.... not really I just like that phrase. I was bored at work today (which is when I wrote this). well, later
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Thursday, June 1, 2006

My Sister wrote this, I think its cool!!

Beware, ye youth, of the twang of Cupid’s bow,
For his arrows strike deep, and love doth bestow.
Many a good man to him hath fallen prey,
Ensnared by his spell, followed the wooer’s way.

Two types of arrows are Cupid’s darts of choice
Each with a message, each with a voice.
First there is Gold, singing of a love that is true,
Striking both in the heart, making one out of two.

But then there is Lead, crying of sadness and woe.
Piercing one through the heart, leaving grief few can know.
Of those struck by this bolt, many rue the day
They fell in love’s spell, and followed the wooer’s way.

By Cuthalion

well, nothing happend today so later. love you guys! *hugs*


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Wednesday, May 31, 2006

   OMG!!!! when I got home from work today my puppy came limping to me! He somehow ripped one of his claws almost off, it was bleeding and looked really bad. I had to take him to the vet, like right away! I was so freakin scared! I almost cried. The Vet gave him a shot so now he's like smashed, its really sad. I must say though its really funny to watch him. But yeah, I was really worried. well, that was my day.
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Tuesday, May 30, 2006

   I don't feel as weird as I did yesterday. Okay, now I'm alittle annoyed! I feel bad cause I wasn't able to talk to one of my friends, I'm really annoyed at myself cause I didn't know he was talking to me. *growls*. Well, today is the day *gulp* I start my first day of guarding at work. I am so nervous, its really bad I am so worried that I'll mess up that I'm getting sick just thinking about! Its really pathetic, I used to do this when I had to give a speech, I would get so sick right before it that I would almost pass out. Nothing is happening in my life right now. I can't think of anything else to say .... so I guess thats it for today, unless something earth shattering happens while I'm at work (hopefully not). okay well, later.
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Monday, May 29, 2006

   okay, I feel really confused. Its like the world is spinning around me but I'm excluded. I talk to people but its like they don't hear me. I don't know but I'm really confused. Its like I don't know if I want something but I reach for it knowing it will always be out of reach, and knowing I can never have it. Its like this little voice keeps telling me I'll never be good enough to reach it, it will always be just out of my reach.....
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Sunday, May 28, 2006

   well, okay I can't get the pictures from my laptop to my other computer *growls* so as soon a s I do I'll post them. Its amazing I never knew how much I'd miss my friends. I was talking about them the entire time. I'm glad I'm back, I just don't want to start work on Tuesday. I'm really nervous I don't want to mess up or anything. And they have alot of stuff that I have to do. I'm so glad to be back, way too many annoying people there. The best thing bout leaving was not working, (I'm kinda lazy sometimes). Let me see, what else happend, that you probably don't want to hear. Besides the fact I found out how annoying my sister is and annoyed my dad can get at me, and the thing bout my mom. it was a regular vacation. so later
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