Monday, May 29, 2006

i saw dad again yesterday, when i went to my grandaprents. i hid everything though. i didn't show how much he hurt me, or how incrdibly happy i was to see him, even after everything, or how much i love him. but, i didn't want to let go of that hug when he left. i didn't cry, though i wanted to. i miss him so much. i am crying now. it's pretty rare that i cry. i don't like to cry. it makes me feel weak. but, i miss him so much. i know crying is not weakness, it simply makes me feel that way. i don't think weak of when i see someone cry. i only think, i wonder what could have ahppened to this eprson to make them feel that way. not about myself though. i cry, because i miss him so much, and i love him so much, and i got to see him just hours ago, and already i miss him and i want to hug him again. he doesn't miss me though. he doesn't care like i do. he doesn't love me. i would give my life for him. i'm scared that he'll forget me. i can't keep crying now. if i do, i'll start sobbing, and everyone will know i am crying. i can't. i am at school. i won't tlk about this anymore.

i am very worried of mika sstill. there is a boy, still hurting her. i don't want her to be hurting. i want her to be happy. she doesn't have any privacy at home, because there aare people living with her now. besides her family, ther are two other people living there, and one that is almost always ther. i don't know how that feels. i've always had enough privacy, as long as i didn't let that i had a secret from my family. i want her to feel better. i told her that bshe could come to my house any time she needed to get away. i really hope she doesn't forget that i love her. she is forgetting how to hope, how to smile. i wish i could give her all my hope, and live in hopelessness myself, to keep her from it. she will make it through though. i know it. i will help her as much as i can. she doesn't think she is strong anymore. i know she is tired. but, i think, she needs a break from everything. a god long relaxing one. i told her to wait only a few more years, till we are both out of school, and can get away and go wherever we want. i want her to be better.wish us luck?
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